HELP! My partner left his wife in March when he discovered she had been having numerous affairs during the marriage. She has filed for divorce. They were married for 25 years, two grown up children who have moved away. He is in the Navy but leaving in December. No marital home. They had a house in France which has been sold for 20k and the money is sitting with her solicitor pending financial resolution. He has a pension and will get a lump sum on leaving the Navy of £36,000. She has her own pension which she has apparently just cashed in. All the furniture from the house she kept and then sold and spent the money. He has £40k of credit card/loan debt in his name but accrued during the marriage. She has £10k credit card again arguably accrued during the marriage. He has offered her 50% of the french house money, 50% of his lump sum, 50% of his pension, he will keep the debt of £40k in his name and she keeps hers. SHe also gets to keep her pension. We are now living together. He earns £30k in his new job when he leaves the Navy. I won't be working straight away until I find a job as we are moving to a different part of the country. I have two young children and all our money is shared so he helps provide for them. She wont accept his offer and wants to go to court to see if she can get more. Is she likely to win? I am so fed up with it all She nearly destroyed him by having affairs as he really loved her. Now he is happy, she wants to destroy him financially. I'm scared we will only end up with debt and she'll get everything. PLEASE HELP!!!
Sorry to hear you are going through it as well! Thanks so much for your reply. She does work but only gets £20k a year so less than my partner. I'm just sick of it all and want an end. I think his partner wants everything and I think offering her half and taking 90% of the debt is a fair offer? I'm worried that she will get more because between me and my partner we have a greater earning potential but then I have a lot of debt to which needs to be paid which my ex left me with! What a mess!!!!
If it went to Court; it would cost (probably) more in legal fees than either of them stand to make. It can cost thousands, and take ages.
She can't take 'everything'.
There are no rules, the court would look at her needs, his needs, pensions, etc;. Since she's working and has pension, she may not get spousal support.
He doesn't need to shoulder the debt. What they have in asset value, and debts, will need to be declared on the form E (Ancillary relief) Financial declaration at the point of divorce application. That's Law.
If she's going for a larger sum of the equity from the house, I'd suggest your partner reduce any claim by a 50%-50% split of the debts, regardless of whose cards they were on. Since she's cashed in her pension, that 'cash' stands to be in the pot also.
If your partner is living with you and supporting your kids, a court could assume they're 'children of the family' and he could have their needs taken into consideration, if they're dependent on him, possibly.
I'm not a legal, but I'm just giving some guidelines of how a court would view the matter.
I have been through the same and beleive me most embittered women start out wanting everything...... it can drag on some time and litterally cost thousands ( mine was 17K )... theres not much your partner can do if she decided to dig her heels in and fight for it all but all she would be doin is cutting her nose of to spite her face, cos the costs arent worth it. Its a rough road, but hang in there.... she is just jealous now he has found happiness.
The mind boggles, my dp's soon 2bx is exactly the same, and the situation was exactly as witsend has posted.
Oh do I sympathise. Thse women that have affairs, hate their husbands and yet when he calls it a day want to financially ruin him and destroy him just because they can't stand to see their ex happy.
I feel for you witsend, it is just next to impossible to resolve and it is a long road. My dp has been 5 years at this stage trying to get his divorce and AR resolved. There has been numerous court hearings and legal fees are huge.
I agree that it seems next to impossible to resolve, if either of the parties refuses to 'play-ball'.
This could be a dilberate ploy in not allowing the husband to move on into a new relationship. Sometimes ex's (women and men!) really can't get past the emotional impact of divorce, and life without their husbands. (Even if they were themselves to blame in engineering both the break-up and the divorce).
Some people are just too ADDICTED TO DYSFUNCTION!
Many marriages survive many years in a dysfunctional space; which in itself becomes a cosy place. (It's not right of course, but it remains a sad fact). Some women also look at their childrens faces, and have a constant daily reminder of their ex partners. So moving on can be difficult.
Statistically, men move on quicker than women, and they often don't deal with the closure before moving into t new space with a new girl.
If you are living with a man that still has connections that are unresolved, you have to acknowledge that and ask if he's even ready to be supporting a new life if he's not finished with the old one.
Often new women become Buffer Zones. (I was!!! to my widowed partener). Hence we're now divorcing.