Been in a coercive, controlling financially abusive marriage. He drank and spent what money he had running up debt whiled I paid all the bills even though he worked.
I have paid mortgage for last 4 years (this is when we separated). Managed to upgrade the house to sell it as the mortgage company of two flats jointly owned wanted mortgages reduced. All the equity from its sale went into the two flats as they were in negative equity. This should now mean they can be sold with no outstanding debt. However me and the children now left without a home.
I earn double him and have no savings as paying for financial abuse he caused. He is 62, I'm 51. He has no contact with either child 12 yrs (court ordered) and 19 who chose to have nothing to do with him - both live with me.
The CEV is £119000. He wants half my pension. Could I counter claim for the mortgage payments, the money put into the house to deal with problems which would affect the sale i.e damp and the fact I need to provide a roof for 2 children? Can I prove financial abuse?
Yes, but not really counterclaim, just tell them what you paid, what you pay for children. And what he pays for children. It will be obvious to the judge.
you should have a table. all the areas down the left, spending costs, upkeep, building rates, everything outgoing. And then two columns at the top. Mr, Mrs.
Also, see that the judge will allocate assets, liquid and otherwise in the order, everything is divided after.
1. People looking after kids until last is 16.
2. People who have enough money to look after themselves, if kids are housed.
3 then what happens after children grow up.
You will have to prove he can look after himself.
Children stay with you in the house, until last is 16. Then you might have to sell. Unless you can buy him out.
Then is he able to look after himself, yes unless he is worse off than you? you might then need to note his type of pension, any payments for ending work, etc.
Then you should also note your expenses and outgoings. Everything from the marriage, even the [url=Resources/Library/Cohabitation-and-Separation_s33_m1852.html ]separation[/url]. Everything. Better to include and have the judge discount it.
Also include your debts, and state of pension, cost of buying a new house after the divorce, and the sale of this one.
Ideally, you do not want to have any regular payments going either way, as this means either party can try to amend up or down. Try for a clean break and think carefully what you, your children, and his needs will be.
Thanks Allcry this makes perfect sense, I think I had been putting off the job of thoroughly assessing our finances because I was still in recovery mode and had literally put all my energies into selling the house, which settled today - yay: cheer: It had to be sold as the mortgage lenders for the 2 flats wanted those mortgages reduced asap as they no longer provide mortgages.
For the last year he has lived in a council house (previously private let for 3 years) and been supporting himself for the last 4 years. Last 4 years I have been running the home and family. He has paid CM but nothing else. During this time I had to defend a child contact case - which I won, thank goodness.
I've struggled to get an agreed financial settlement and divorce because he wouldn't discuss finances and was pushing it to a court case, which I couldn't afford while in the family marital home as I don't qualify for legal aid. Now I've sold the house and we've moved in with my parents (not a long-term solution) I'm in a better place to pay for a solicitor, and if need be, pursue through the court to get a fair settlement. He made it clear when talking about my pension that \"he needed that money\".
It's great to have a better understanding of what the judge will consider and the order of that consideration. Also feeling slightly more reassured that my diligent approach to finances will stand out. I will need to rent a place or save for a deposit to buy a home in the longer term, but I'm determined to provide a safe comfortable home, so the children can flourish - they've been through enough.
Thanks again for the advice, I'm feel a bit better about tackling the next stage. I want to out of this mess/divorced by year 5 as I'm running out of steam!