spousal maintenance how much?

I am divorcing my wife after years of abuse. I earn a good salary but after tax and pension payments I get a net of £3500 per month. I paid her voluntary payments but she called in the csa and asked for the child support money to be taken out of my salary. This would have made her considerably worse off. Before waiting for the amount to be assesed and without bothering to ask me if I would have topped the amount up she filed for ancillery relief and spousal maintenance. She is now allowing the divorce to go ahead (she cross petitioned) but I have to go to court for ancillery relief. She lives in a 5 bedroom house with a pool and wants the house as part of the settlement. I live at my mothers. I pay her mortgage, I pay the csa money of about £700 then I top it up, she has been on holiday twice since this started. She wants £2200 from my salary and the house which is my main asset, but I would like to buy another home for myself if possible.
We have a ten year old son who lives with her, she is a qualified teacher but hasnt worked for three years due to a bad attitude problem. What sort of outcome could I expect? does anyone know?
Thanks

Oh god it sounds so horribly familiar.
Try using the calculator its pretty good. Try sorting it out before all the unnecessary costs of court proceedings and overpaid solicitors and barristers - they may as well all be football players.
My experience of being a male divorcee is that you are on a hiding to nothing.
Length of marriage and your relative incomes seem to be the biggest factor. Clearly your wife does not need a 5 bed house and is well qualified to work too and would be expected too but you will still end up paying heavily. You, as i was, are being very generous continuing to pay mortgage etc but it counts for nothing. Wife holding on to the house is the normal first reaction but its usually financially unsustainable and the judge would be quick to point that out. Add it all up and you will be lucky to get better than 75-25 from my experience (thats 25% to you and you can get stung for lifetime maintenance for wifey too). Try your hardest to sort it out yourself even if you feel like you are getting a rough deal - you will anyway. Good Luck

The Divorce Calculator was not as hopeful as you. It said 80-20, I can't believe this is true. She can work, I need to live as well, I would give her the house but she wants money to live in it as well. I have already paid over £6000 solicitor fees because she was fighting me every step of the way. We were married for 18 years. Does it now count for anything that she can work?
I get more depressed the more I read.

I mann,

Go for selling the house as she doesn't need it but you both need comparable housing. You ought to move out of your mother's into rented accomodation to give her some space and to ease your depression. The place you rent would need to have a garden and at least another bedroom in case your son stays over.

I put down a deposit on an apartment but it would mean an extra mortgage. I would then be paying two mortgages, csa money and spousal maintenance. Considering she can work, what percent of my salary can I kiss goodbye for sm.
Thanks for your advice.

So my 25 - 75 wasnt far out.
I lived with mum too but in hindsight its better to rent your own with spare room for son. Is there anyone else involved ? It can give wifey a lot of ammunition. Since it was only 3 years since she worked that will help. If she had not worked since your son was born it would be more in her favour. Teachers incomes are relatively good and of course have the bonus of school holidays so no childcare probs. Its hard but you have to be patient it takes a long time to sort and for each others feelings to adapt and change to a new sense of realism. My ex suffered / suffers from Chronic Narcissistic personality dissorder - 21 years of constant psycological abuse it takes its toll. Now I have to cope with her treatment of the children too. Luckily my son has escaped her obsessional control and constant ravings and now lives happily with me, even though she hung on to him to get the 76.5% the biased judge gave her (judge was female !). No, its grossly fair and you have virtually no hope of any appeal changing things afterwards. So be patient and persistant and dont hang your hopes of getting too much - thats the reality and wifeys solicitor will tell her so. The best years of your working / earning life have been spent her benefit. Lifes a bitch - then you die I have been told many times. Of course there is a bright side - you are rid of her and can get on match.com where you can find genuine love and respect (not speaking from personal experience though !)

i.mann wrote:

We have a ten year old son who lives with her, she is a qualified teacher but hasnt worked for three years

OK, so it's depressing. Yes. Agreed. BUT! Don't get intimidated by your ex's behaviour.

If she only has one child living with her, her needs (in the eyes of a judge) would be for a two-bedroomed home.

One for her. One for son.

If you have a five bedroom home, then I'd advise selling it, and negotiating your equity etc, so you can move forward. You will probably both be able to fund two-bedroom homes at least.

My first divorce, we were in same situation. We had one son (also ten) agreed to co-parent. We each bought 3-bed houses, and son enjoyed his own room at each house.
The judge did not order the sale, we each just agreed it.
Your wife is being greedy.

Has she been banned from teaching?

Her ability to work will be assessed. You will pay 15% of your income for your son. Your wifes spousal maintenance may be awarded, but probably only temporarilly. Her 'needs' would be addressed. Those would be her personal needs, the cost of running a two-bed house, etc. If your son is already ten, then when he's at secondary school, there's no reason she can't hold down a fulltime job.

It's the reality check of divorce. You are not her meal ticket for life.