Going round in circles?

Hi all

I first posted on here in August and received some great advice. I am back again, having advanced nowhere since that time. The petition was sent to court in August (Though my solicitor actually forgot (!) to post it until reminded)Now, it feels as if my ex is dragging things out, reluctant to accept that I deserve any more than 5% of the house equity.

Basically, we married 11 years ago; we have now been separated for 2 and a half years. Prior to marriage, we co-habited for several years years.

I left the FMH to move into rented accomodation during that time and have never asked anything of him. There are no children involved and he earns slightly more than I do, I believe. The house was always in his name; he paid the main bills and mortgage, whilst I paid for all groceries, house keeping etc. We always shared holiday costs. Both of us worked fulltime and I spent most of my earnings on the house, him, our lifestyle in general.It was an agreement that seemed to work for us. My ex feels I didn't really contribute and so is reluctant to accept this.

For my part, I am in an unstable position in rented property, have accumulated some debts but would like a home of my own eventually. All I need is to start again. Nothing lavish, just a two bed house. I dont want to take everything he has but would like some acknowledgement that some sort of reasonable share of the marital assets is only fair.The reason I haven't got my own home now is that I put all my finances into our home and life together. He doesn't want to see this.

Our respective solicitors agreed to exchange our financial situations. Mine was ready two months ago, he stated his was as well.Though, a message came through stating that he wasn't ready afterall. Two months passed and I heard last week he is ready to exchange this info. A week has passed and still nothing. It's all so frustrating. Am guessing this is normal?

It feels as if things are going round in circles and going extremely slowly. I just don't know what to do for the best. Once the info has been exchanged, I am wondering how best to proceed from that point. If he is delaying things, is there anything I can do about it? Maybe he is hoping that I will give up easily as he used to be able to bully me emotionally.

Would appreciate any advice as this situation is driving me quietly doolalley!

Thanks.

Welcome back to the messy world of Divorce Hell!

Welcome back to the 'limboland' that is this cosy forum.

I'm also parked-up awaitng my fate, from a partner that also doesn't recognise that we have to sort out a financial settlement.

OK, it certainly sounds like he's staliing. On a marriage of 11 yrs + All assets go into a pot, and from that 'pot' each parties 'needs' have to be addressed.

He's playing the old 'I paid for it, so its mine'! Card, that does not stand up for much in Court.

There are no kids here to be housed, your housing meeds are sorted, (well, at least for rental) and a fair settlement will be made to you hopefully!

His insult of an offer of 5% is just that! His assumption that that's all you deserve!

It's good that he's made such a rediculous offer, try and get that in writing, incase you need it in Court. If you do have to go for a full trial at a Financial Hearing, the judge will ask what offers have been rejected? If your reply is 5% of house, then judge orders more, then you win! If he procrastinates and delays too much, a judge may order that he pay costs to you for your having to go to such lengths for Justice!

In my first divorce, my ex offered me £8k. The judge looked at all my contributions, (over 16 yrs) and awarded me £330k (that in 1999) After I proved what I'd proved I'd contributed, and had to prove my contributions to the house, childcare etc.

So, just stick with doing what's right, keep tabs on everything!

Stick around here, be knowledgable!

Sera
x

Hiya Sera,

Good to chat again!

The limbo land thing is spot on...it does feel like that a little. Trouble is, I find that my ex has actually convinced himself that he kept me financially, to the point where he believes it. His solicitor probably believes it too. My concern is that he will convince others of that 'fact' too and will be able to break me down into submission if it gets to court.

I have his offer in writing, though the 5% equates to 15k. Also in the same mail, he does his best to negate any contribution that I made, making out that he contributed the majority of things.

He is definitely playing the 'I paid for it' card. All I want is what is fair...Surely his solicitor would have pointed this out to him by now?

Cavegirl

Here's your biggest advantage!!!

If he claims he paid for everything! Then let him claim that!!!

Because, the more he paid for, the more supportive of you he claims, the more you can claim you relied upon him! And if there is a claim for spousal support, he may be ordered to carry on supporting you! Don't sweat that!

In divorce, independent, hardworking chix like me, get the rough end of the stick. The women that sit around supported, are the ones that get the bigger percentage deals.

Cavegirl,

Solictors are not saints. They try to portray their client in the best possible light and go on what their client tells them as being true. Do not expect fairness from a solicitor, do not even expect that legal procedures will be followed. Your ex's solicitor may try and get him to comply but in reality can only offer advice. All calls are with your ex and not his solicitor.

As Sera says, you have to stick with it and not give in.

Have a good think about the sort of financial settlement you would think as being fair and then do not ever, ever, ever, in the darkest moments of pressure, think that you deserve less than that. There is a tendency for the other party to jump on a fair offer and treat it as a high point to haggle down.

Best wishes!

Thanks for your reply Vail! It helps me to see that I can't rely on my solicitor either...not fully, anyway.

Dear Cavegirl,

Just a thought from one of the "bad guys" the time you and ex spent cohabiting before marriage must be added to the duration of the marriage. The key buzz-phrase is "seamless transition" into marriage. The case reference is CO v CO (Ancillary relief: pre-marriage cohabitation) [2004] EWHC 287 (Fam), [2004] 1 FLR 1095. So if the length of the marriage comes into play, this was possibly a "long" marriage rather than a medium length marriage. The length of the marriage has to be borne in mind as it is one of the checklist of factors set out in s25(2) Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. Good luck.

Will C