Can you please advice me on the following scenario. I married my husband in 1990 when I was 20, our first child at that time was a baby. We both agreed I stay at home to look after our son and consequently I gave up my nurse training. We then went on to have 2 more children in 1992 and 1999. My husband was in a fairly low paid job and not contributing to his work pension. In 2001 my husband got a job in the fireservice in a new area. I had strongly encouraged him to persue his dream even though it meant moving to an area a hundred miles from friends and family. A year after this my husband told me about his infedeliy and our marriage broke down. We have remained friends and divorce was mentioned a year after our split and a financial arrangment reached over the living room coffee table which at the time seemed fair. which was that he get 16% value of the property in exchange I keep the endowments worth approx £20,000 at that time and relinquish all rights to his pension and a small amount of land he owns in Ireland.
Though this was discussed he never then went on to finalise anything until recently when the papers fell through the door. My concern is this. Our house is worth £250K. He is not pushing for money now but says if I cohabit or when our youngest reaches 18 he gets the 16% share of the house. This means I could sell the house clear the mortgage and buy a small flat in this area but I would not have any future pension security as I have always stayed at home and though I am now self employed as I have to have work thats flexible with no family here to support me I am always desperatly struggling to make ends meet and still even qualify for a small amount of council tax benefit. My ex however like last year can afford 3 foreign holidays a year with his fire service salary and window cleaning money. I am wondering if its better for me to opt for a 50/50 split of all assets. In that scenario when our youngest is 18 I sell the house give my ex his share and keep the mortgage I have now and yet again buy the small flat mentioned before. I will only get half the endowment now rather than all of it but I can use my half to reduce my mortgage slightly. I then get half of his share of the land in Ireland which I can use to reduce my mortgage again. But would I be entitled to half his pension as he was only in the fireservice for about 2 years when we split up and his previous pension was not worth a lot I dont think. He says it will only be dated to the date we split up but if thats so shouldnt his share of the house be dated to the date we split up too rather than him continueing to be a sleeping partner in something he no longer pays anything into and hasnt for 5 years including repairs etc. I still have bare wires coming out of the wall.
Please advise as I cannot afford to see a solicitor and I need to be sure I am signing to something as fair as possible for both parties. My ex is ringing everyday asking if I have signed yet which is really getting me down. I have told him I have asked my mum to come on the mortgage with me so he can come off and buy something which he said he wants to do though as I said before he is admitting he doesnt need his share yet to achieve this so I am not sure why he is in such a hurry.
Any advice will be welcome as I am going round in circles and finding it hard.
If you didn't make a legal financial agreement, then you both have a right to review it now.
I can't fathom from all of this what is right for you, I'm not a legal person, but I'll comment on why he's in a hurry. You can get a better deal than the one you agreed, which was obviously not with a lot of forward thinking on your part!
However, these things are not done in a rush, so don't be bullied into making rash desciions, and don't be getting your mum on board, or buying him out! (Not yet anyway!)It may not be that he is entitled to 50%-50% on house split.
If you can't afford a solicitor, there are some that will give legal free advise at an initial consultation, also advise from CAB, and find your rights to legal aid.
Get legal advise BEFORE you agree to anything. Get a solicitor to advise what you could claim for, before making an agreement.
Thanks Sera for your reply. It is a nightmare to figure out without advice and the emotional side of things can cloud your judgement. I only want what is fair for both of us. Can anyone advise me if loss of earning capacity is taken into account. My youngest is only 8 and because I am down here with no family I chose to be self employed to fit in around school and holidays etc. I am living hand to mouth while my ex went abroad 3 times last year. He will be earning 30k plus for the rest of his working life, 50k+ from our house when it has to be sold when my youngest is 18 and retire with a lump sum of almost 70k plus 12k a year pension plus the state pension. I only have the equity in the house left over after I clear a 71k mortgage and pay off my ex which will only be enough to house me in a small flat and a basic pension plus a low income during my working life. Should there be such a big disparency because I have been a mum?