Unusual situation

Hi all, I am in an unusual situation and would like anybody to shed some light on that. My wife left me 3 months ago and I am still in the marital home, we are sharing our two (young) children 50/50, but I can not afford to pay for our house on my own. I have put it up for sale, by her recommendations, although the children are not happy with that. I am likely to loose my job because I can not keep my head with it and I used to work for my wife’s business, but since she has left she has cut me out of that as well. We are going to mediation tomorrow, but I am not sure where I stand or what I can do now to make it work financially for myself and my children. Has anybody got some advice for me, please? Thank you. Paul.

Tricky situation, Paul.

We need to hear more about your circumstances. What is W's business? What was your role? What are you best equipped to do? There are two main questions I think:

1. Who will look after the children - i.e. who is best placed, from PoV of the practicalities and caring skills, to look after them? (And how old are they?)

2. Can the home be kept on? If it just isn't going to work financially, it's far better to control the sale of the home and agree distribution of sale proceeds, than let it slide, get repossessed by the mortgage lender, suffer negative credit references and probably be saddled with a debt re unpaid mortgage and costs into the bargain.

Plenty of us out her to help you Paul, give us a bit more info so we have the whole picture.

Will C

ph123456 wrote:

I am likely to loose my job because I can not keep my head with it and I used to work for my wife’s business, but since she has left she has cut me out of that as well.

Hi Paul,
I also worked with my husband, until he decided he wanted a Divorce. His sol issued a 'Dissolution of Partnership'. I didn't understand it, so had a solicitor look it over; who said it was a worthless piece of paper! (Cost a lot to hear that!) When I googled DoP, I found it related to matters of Business Partners in dispute (over company matters) and is usually issued when one partner has done something bad within the company.

So basically; I was unfairly dismissed! I looked on the ACAS website, and e-mailed them. They assigned me an ACAS person within a few days; however, they stated it becomes complicated when you work within a marriage that has broken down; and said I should just bring issues of finance into the Divorce settlement.

I also asked about backdated income, (I worked for ex unpaid for the first 18 months) and ACAS said it would cost more in legal fees to resolve; than for the 18 months pay I was hoping to re-claim.

If you are also caring for the kids, and you rellied upon your wife for financial support; a judge could Order maintenance payments in your favour. (Spousal Support). It's less 'usual' for a wife to pay her husband, but it does happen.

As Will says, more details, more advise from us lot!

Thank you for your replies, bit more info: children are both under 10. I am better quiped to look after them, espcecially if I keep current job (extremely flexible). Wife's business is a ltd (changed after we married from partnership) of which she owns 100% of the shares. Apart from doing a lot of pr and maintenance I was also secretary (accounts and payroll) and emotional support. I only got paid 'officially' the last 4 months, but always seen my wife's income as for both our contributions. We have been married for 6.5 years (together for 9). Don't think keeping the house is an option, but there is equity in it. Hope this helps!. Thank you, Paul.

It's difficult to comment without knowing the details, but there could be several options available to you. For example it might be feasible to offset the equity in the former marital home against the value of your wife's business. Or, assuming your wife is suitably rehoused, it might be possible for you to divide the equity but your wife retain her share in the form of a charge which effectively defers her receiving her share until the youngest child is 18. Also you need to consider who will claim Child Benefit, tax credits and child support as this will effect your income and therefore your ability to take out a mortgage.

Personally I think 50:50 shared care can work fairly well for children between the ages of 6 and 12 ish, but when resources are limited it's better to maintain the stability of them remaining in the former marital home and have a lesser second home. This allows them to continue at the same school, keep their old friends and there is no reason why they can't stay with the other parent a reasonable amount of time. There is no rule saying the main carer has to be the mother, fathers can do the job equally well, but post separation parenting does to some extent depend on the level of pre separation involvement in child care.