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How can a clean break work with kids?

  • mike62
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13 Nov 07 #6593 by mike62
Topic started by mike62
STBX is becoming increasingly unreasonable and I fear that she is only going to get worse. She spends money like it is water and the thought of giving her a five figure sum in settlement frightens the cr*p out of me. On her historical performance, she could blow that in a couple of years. Then what? She comes back for more? So I feel that we need a Clean Break, but have 3 kids, 15, 12 and 8. I understand that their needs are considered as separate to the division of assets. She is insistent that they will stay with her, despite not giving them the choice of what they want to do. I have no problem providing for my kids, but refuse to provide any more for STBX. When she walked out and took all the furniture etc to her new rental (without my knowledge or consent), my sol advised me to change all locks and catalogue everything that was taken and what was left, including her possessions and jewellry.

She has (not exhaustive list):

108 pairs of shoes
37 pairs of trousers
68 pairs of knickers
45 pairs of tights
12 winter coats
etc etc

This does not include what she had already taken. I guess that is about another 50% of all of the above and more. Do other ladies on this site have anything like this sort of wardrobe? Or am I just being mean?

She also nicked the marriage certificate and my birth certificate in the process, so until I can get a copy, I can't start proceedings.

How do I stand on getting a clean break? Any thoughts or ideas welcome

  • Camberwick green
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14 Nov 07 #6594 by Camberwick green
Reply from Camberwick green
do we have that sort of wardrobe? hell yeah, but its taken me 15 years to get there! lol

Sorry no formal advice here but good luck!

  • loobyloo
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14 Nov 07 #6599 by loobyloo
Reply from loobyloo
so you no longer just thinkin bout divorce hey mike.... what you need to understand is a woman can never have 2 many shoes , go for 50% of them, that,ll hit where it hurts

  • wscowell
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14 Nov 07 #6613 by wscowell
Reply from wscowell

A clean break can work as between spouses, even if you are still on the hook regarding child support. However, the Courts will often say, as a policy matter, that a woman with the care of children should have the benefit of a nominal spouse maintenance order (e.g. £1 per year) to expire when (a) she remarries, (b) she dies, (c) she cohabits for 6 months or more (difficult to get sometimes) or (d) the youngest child reaches age 18 or finishes secondary education.

This is because, if there is already an order in place, it is possible to go back later and get it varied e.g. if you win the pools or she falls on really hard times), but not usually possible to get a spouse maintenance order later if one wasn't requested during the divorce etc proceedings. It is "accepted judicial practice". But with the exception of an application to vary an existing order, any order made "in full and final settlement" is just that. No second bite at the cherry, particularly as regards capital or pensions.

Or you may get a deferred clean break, e.g spouse maintenance up to a certain point. Perhaps STBX is quite well qualified, but has grown rusty from being out of the jobs market for a while, and needs some short/medium term help to get her own earning capacity reinstated or enhanced by study etc. The facts may vary, I hope the principles underlying are clear. Does that help at all? Do come back, here or by PM, if you have any questions. Best wishes

Will C

  • Fiona
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14 Nov 07 #6616 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
Ladies' wardrobes? Clothes are the lowest priority, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste. :laugh:

  • sexysadie
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14 Nov 07 #6638 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
That wardrobe is extraordinary, but I've seen worse. Not mine, though. My ex spends more on clothes than I do.

You should be able to get a copy of your marriage certificate from the registry office in which you married - though it may now be possible to do it online (you can certainly get death certificates that way). I would just ask for your birth certificate back - why does she want that?


  • Louise11
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14 Nov 07 #6644 by Louise11
Reply from Louise11
Hi Mike

Had to laugh, (sorry)

68 pairs of Knickers?
45 pairs of tights?


I can just picture you sitting there counting all her knickers and tights, I can just see your form Es, do you have anything worth £500 or more, if so write it in the box below

68 pairs of knickers £546
45 pairs of tights £589

As for your marriage certificate and birth certificate, you can get them really quickly by going to your Births and deaths thingymibob and filling form out paying the fee, it is really quick in fact the woman where i went gave me mine there and then!

Kind regards

p.s. I do understand what you are saying about her clothes though but doubt very much it would make one iota of a difference in court though, although if by providing bank statements, visa bills ect ect you can show she spends money like water on irrelevant stuff, then it may show she dont need as much as she will say she does to live her life style.

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