Help / advice please

Hi meatalingus
It does sound like you may have to leave the house soon if you are to keep your own health and sanity; it’s awful when accusations start to be flung around just to hurt you. There has been some very helpful advice already and I would agree, the court will not see you destitute especially with your intention to keep contact with the children on such a regular basis. It’s just going to be tricky for the two of you to work out a solution for you to both have suitably sized houses. Your income will help you take on a large mortgage and the tax credits combined with your maintenance payments should also enable your ex to take on a mortgage. She might have to just pay the interest back for now but at least she will be renting from the building society and have all or a share of the future growth in the house rather than renting from a landlord with no capital growth prospects.
She could then perhaps afford to buy you out, either in full or part now and part when the kids have finished school. As long as it’s enough for you to put down as a deposit and still afford your mortgage then that's probably your main concern covered now. You might even be able to negotiate to keep more of your pension if you can afford to wait for your share of the value of the matrimonial house to be released to you when the kids finish school. That's when your lawyer begins to earn their fee.
It’s perhaps a solution to one of the problems your likely to face, but it’s not perfect, sadly nothing ever is.
Don't forget to consider some life assurance cover on both of you, it can be held in trust if you are both unwilling for the other parent to have control in the event of the other’s death but at least the surviving parent will then be able to afford to keep the kids standard of living in the unfortunate event of either parent’s death.

Many thanks to everyone for their valued responses.

I'll probably be best to get a solicitor, although how i pay them is another matter.

Its painful times like this when such kind responses help restore my faith in humanity and give me a little pick-me-up, so again, a whole hearted thank you to all of you.

M

Hi Meatalingus

Good luck with your path through divorce, I read a “thought for the day” last week, “if it feels like you are going through Hell then just keep going” you will come out the other side, a little changed and a little different but retaining what makes you you.
Most lawyers understand that your money will be getting pulled in several directions at once and they often have a system where you set up a regular monthly payment to them and make extra payments along the way, or I have access to a couple of high street banks that lend to clients that find that they have capital coming to them when the divorce is finalized but don't have spare income along the way. If you need an introduction then please drop me a line.