Thanks for your reply Athene, I didn't actually realise it was there until now as I hadn't clicked on the "Next" button, doh! It's reassuring to hear that your children have now become used to the idea and are settling down. How old are they, if you don't mind me asking? There are distinct behavioural changes in our son, he is very aggressive and can be quite "difficult" at times. he is much calmer when his father is not around, but that's obviously because there is no fighting. (Husband says this is all my fault, of course.) Decree Nisi should come through this week, so that makes me feel like a bit of progress has been made, although the true breakthrough will be when he moves out.
My son is mid-teens and my daughter in the 6th form. My son was angry and upset for quite a while and I tried very hard to be firm, etc. At the time it was dreadful but now, while he still minds, he's calmer and happier than for a long while, so far as I can tell. It's not going to be perfect but it wasn't perfect before. I've two children who love me and who love their dad and who cope quite well, which isn't bad.
At a guess, it won't be that much easier for your son when your husband leaves - because there will be a noticeable gap - but after a while it will become easier. That's how it was here anyway. (And what you say sounds very familiar)
To be honest, he's not around that much anyway. In fact, he may end up spending more time with him as it now will be "pre arranged". That is if we can come to some agreement - and he sticks to it. He is in complete denial and has said all along that we should stay together for the sake of our son... blaming me for our son's behavioural problems, saying if I had worked as hard on the marriage as I have on getting divorced then we would still be together and all be happier. Ladling on the guilt. (Oh and it's also my fault that he spends evey night and most of the weekend in the pub.) At first there were times when I doubted my decision to leave him but as things unfold, I am more and more convinced I am doing the right thing. Thanks for sharing your experience, your comment on things not being perfect is so true.
Best wishes - and good luck!