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Difficult dual divorce and financial implications

  • harriet voom
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06 Dec 07 #8546 by harriet voom
Topic started by harriet voom
I have been reading some of the threads in this forum and thought I would ask a question that is really worrying me.

Myself and my partner are both going through the first stages of divorce. We separately agreed with our respective spouses to divorce so that we could be together. In my case, I am petitioning my husband for unreasonable behavior as we agreed to do this using a quickie service and agreed the reasons together - I am just better at paperwork than he is otherwise he should be the petitioner. In his case, his wife is petitioning for adultery. His situation is more difficult but I would't say it is acrimonious as they are trying to get along for the benefit of their children and everyone's well being. That said, his wife does go through periods of extreme unreasonableness, which is not unreasonable under the circumstances I suppose and they have yet to start discussing a financial settlement.

I am financially independent and I earn more than my soon to be ex-husband and my new partner. My new partner does earn a substantial wage as well but his partner has not worked for the last 15 years. In the early stages, she threatened that if we lived together, my income would be taken into account in their settlement which I didn't believe. I have substantial asests in cash and property but my husband and I have come to our own fiancial settlement which is a 50/50 split - I will keep our primary home and pay him the his share of the equity value which we have privately agreed. My partner also has substantial financial assets and two homes.

I expect that he will share 50/50 in the cost of the primary home that we will both live in starting in January as he will have given up his flat. It is my hope that there is no expectation from her that I would have to support him given my income and capital - that is simply not fair. He even agreed with his x-wife to be that it didn't make sense to maintain a flat that he has only stayed in a handful of in 6 months. She agreed but I'm not 100% sure that she doesn't expect this means she is entitled to more maintenance because he is living with me.

The other problem is that I have not yet met his children and I wanted him to keep his flat until I had met the children and knew they were comfortable with him living at my house -- so that their first night with him once he gave up the flat would not be under pressure or certainly with me there going off to sleep in the same room as him. As it stands, I have offered to stay with friends during the first few times he brings them to our place so that the kids can feel comfortable and get settled, look around etc. without the pressure of me being there. She is not keen on them meeting me and doesn't want me to go on holiday with him and them, etc. It has been over 6 months now and while I am sensitive to the situation feel like we need to move on as it is starting to really have an effect on me too.

I am concerned things will start to get ugly as the emotive issues around money and the children come up. All I want is a quick resolution so that we can begin our life properly and ensure that everyone is taken care of.

How can we ensure my assets or income are not taken into account in his settlement and otherwise get this over and done with quickly. Also - what could he expect to have to carry in terms of SM?

Thank you.

  • Specialdad
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06 Dec 07 #8549 by Specialdad
Reply from Specialdad
Sorry there is nothing quick about separation and divorce especially with children involved.

All you can hope for is that his ex becomes reasonable for you and your partner as best as poss.

Get good legal advice to obtain a fair financial settlement.

Go easy on yourself emotionally and prepare for a long slog.

Best of Luck B)

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