Bit of an unusal situation I have here in that for the whole time I've been married (2.5 years) my husband has only ever worked for a period of 8 mths and never contributed financial to the marriage barr paying the odd bill and food shop here and there. The house I bought prior to meeting him and is in my Maiden Name. He has never made a mortgage payment or contributed to its upkeep or paid any substantial household bill.
When we first met he had a house of his own which he left to move in with me. He rented out his old place but he was forced to sell a few months after we got married (he'd bought it with an ex-gf who wanted her share). He got 25k from the sale but never contributed a penny from that to our 'home'. He eventually went on to squander the money, ended up penniless and started to rely even more so on me. Pressure became too much (he constantly refused to get a job or to sign on and had NO income whatsoever - apart from his father giving him the odd handout).
We separated 7 mths ago. My question is if and when we get a divorce will his behaviour and lack of financial responsibility be taken into account. Much to my disgust, I am resigned to the fact that he will probably get a share of my house as he is now homeless (living with his parents) and penniless. I hope my waffle makes sense ... please please let me know your thoughts.
I feel for you. My situation is similar in that I supported my stbx in various business ventures that never made any financial sense for 10 years of our 18 year marriage. Since he left me and our children I haven't had a penny and am footing every bill etc.
Unfortunately in my case my stbx is threatening bankruptcy so gets 50% of all assets although at this rate this will be negative!!
I have been told that with marriages less than 5 years you leave with what you bought in - but have known otherwise.
I feel for you too and over the past two years have come to the conclusion that in the guise of fairness and equity in divorce, the system dishes out a hell of a lot of injustice and unfairness to those who 'do the right thing'.
When I first consulted my solicitor I was told that, given the length of my marriage, the court would be looking for a 50:50 division of the assets and also, that the court is not interested in behaviour during the marriage.
I lived with a control freak (I now believe he has a personailty disorder) for 27 years (married 31), who spent both our salaries as he saw fit and it would be fair to say that, but for me, he wouldn't currently own as much as a tent.
The ex, if dropped in the middle of a desert with a million quid in his pocket, would walk out with no money, nothing to show for what he has spent, swearing blind that he was given only half a million.
The kids and I paid a high price for his 'hairbrained' schemes over the years, because once he gets an idea into his head, he has to carry it through no matter how many times he is told that it is a bad move. He has wasted countless amounts of money and never learns from his mistakes.
Conflict with colleagues and managers has resulted in the ex walking out of most of his jobs. As a consequence, he has only been able to secure increasingly menial jobs and his salary decreased whilst mine increased. He LOVED spending the good money I earned but HATED the fact that I earned it, so boosted his own low self esteem by verbally demeaning me.
The ex seemed to need to be seen as the better parent and I constantly felt that he was sabbotaging my relationship with my kids. When we separated my suspicions were confirmed when one of my kids told me that when she was little, she and her brothers thought I was an "awful mother" because "dad use to do things and buy things and tell us not to tell you". She added that she thought I didn't want them to have nice things, but that when she got older, she realised "dad was spending money we didn't have".
I didn't expect the court to take any of this behaviour into account and had resigned myself to a 50:50 divison, even though I had put more into the marriage financially than I ever got out. What I didn't anticipate was being expected to top up his small pension to make up the difference between his fund and mine.
This is something I still bitterly resent and my whole being cries out "UNFAIR!!!!" because the issue had been a constant source of argument. The ex had always REFUSED to make adequate provision for himself, saying that WE would live off my pension. I told him on a number of occasions that he was being very selfish and he just shrugged his shoulders. In the event of my death the man stood to gain hundreds of thousands from my pension funds, in contrast, I wouldn't have received enough to bury him with from his fund. He had no life assurance either and we had three children and a mortgage at the time.
The ex is still in the FMH, which should have been offered for sale in June '05, surrounded by all the chattels of the marriage; I look at the photos on the estate agent's website and see amongst other things my birthday, christmas and mother's day presents that he is enjoying. The mortgage was paid off years ago, so he has been living for 'free' for four years whilst I have had to rent accommodation.
The ex has actively and passively obstructed the sale of the FMH and the divorce process since the proceedings started in Feb 2006. My solicitor has just filed for Ancillary Relief, because the ex is continuing to obstruct the financial settlement and because he now wants more cash from the sale of the fmh instead of a top up from my pension. I have made an offer which gives us both 50% of all assets and it is no less than the court would require me to hand over.
I feel that all his actions have arisen out of malice and vindictiveness but, as the court doesn't take behaviour into account, he will still walk away with his 50% whilst I alone foot the bill for the already substantial legal fees and the 6.5K projected AR fees.