want to move on

This is my first posting, so please bear with me.I need some impartial and practical advice.
Im 52, as is ex. We co-habited( bought house together) for 7 years before marrying in 1990 and having first child( now 17), second is 14.Weeks after her birth he started an affair with a work collegue.I found out, and he moved out and in with her about a year later(her house.)He paid me about 1/3 of his income
Ex decided he had made a mistake, wanted to come back- and reader I let him. I went back to work full time as he had run up big debts, he also works and was earning well but spending well.
18 months later I discovered he was having an affair with another collegue- the one who got the previous girlfriends job!He moved out again, signed house over to me ( he wanted nothing to do with upkeep and hassle)and new girlfriend moved into his flat a year later. They are still living together in a house in her name.
Ex has never had the children overnight: he calls here 3 times a week, has a key, we spend every Xmas, etc together.
We get on well on one level- its been v. difficult for me but worth it for girls sake, but they are nearly grown.
Ex was made redundant earlier this year, and I then found out he was earning £70k+. He was paying me £1150 a month . I earn 35k.All this is informal. The girlfriend is selfemployed and earning a lot, their mortgage is not very large.
He is now working part time self employed, earning the same as me. He got a 60k lump sum, which he used to buy a new car and pay off credit cards.He has a good pension pot,( worth 32k at 60) not yet drawn on , and I am still the named person for spouses pension and benefits if he dies.( currently 14k/yr, this will increase with time/inflation etc )
Every time I have raised getting a divorce he has got really angry and I have backed off, partly to keep the friendship going and partly because Im concerned I could end up worse off.
It worries me that this is all informal and I really want to move on. My mortgage is nearly paid off, but the girls will need a home even when they are in college and I dont want to have to sell the house to survive on retirement ( I have a very small pension entitlement).
Can anyone advise my best option?

If his pension pays £35k A YEAR his pension is enormous

On the face of it this is a long marriage 20 yrs + so mat assets would be divided

incl pension

Now what is the equity in the M/H?
You should take into a/c the debts he had paid off

Clearly no SM now but certsinly a nominal SM case 5p a year till pensions kick in.

Now this may well be a case where because of ages etc you should think of an actuarial report re his pension....equalising Cash Equivalent transfer values may not be appropriate remember CETV £ DO NOT = £

You are likely to live longer so you may need more than 50% of his pension

You need proper advice....I had a case where in a large pension pot of £600,000 when divided H got £30,000 a year in the pension scheme but as W (who I was acting for couldn't be a member she would only get £19500 when her pension credit was put into a stakeholder pension-so DJ gave my W client a ruck more to achieve parity) You see if he had given you 50% you may have been happy but it wouldn't be fair.

Clearly whilst his actions in the marriage are repugnant it still would not count as "conduct" but if mentioned in other information in form E there would not be a DJ in the land who would not have sympathy for you.

Do NOT easily think the equity you have should immediately be offset -
A pension share is generally a much more valuable option....

Wonder what say an income stram of say £17500 for life is worth...........

HUGE

You have alife expectancy of 90+...work out the numbers

If he is entitled to some LS from you -fine because he is living with Lillo Lil great his housing needs are met and the LS can be paid when you downsize when the C leave home...

Great.........bring it on

Get divorced when it suits you...but if he still has some LS the quicker the better before it all goes!!

No need to feel down...I wish my future pension was like that

DON'T settle for anything less tahn a full pension share!!

If his pension pays £35k A YEAR his pension is enormous

On the face of it this is a long marriage 20 yrs + so mat assets would be divided

incl pension

Now what is the equity in the M/H?
You should take into a/c the debts he had paid off

Clearly no SM now but certsinly a nominal SM case 5p a year till pensions kick in.

Now this may well be a case where because of ages etc you should think of an actuarial report re his pension....equalising Cash Equivalent transfer values may not be appropriate remember CETV £ DO NOT = £

You are likely to live longer so you may need more than 50% of his pension

You need proper advice....I had a case where in a large pension pot of £600,000 when divided H got £30,000 a year in the pension scheme but as W (who I was acting for couldn't be a member she would only get £19500 when her pension credit was put into a stakeholder pension-so DJ gave my W client a ruck more to achieve parity) You see if he had given you 50% you may have been happy but it wouldn't be fair.

Clearly whilst his actions in the marriage are repugnant it still would not count as "conduct" but if mentioned in other information in Form E there would not be a DJ in the land who would not have sympathy for you.

Do NOT easily think the equity you have should immediately be offset -
A pension share is generally a much more valuable option....

Wonder what say an income stram of say £17500 for life is worth...........

HUGE

You have alife expectancy of 90+...work out the numbers

If he is entitled to some LS from you -fine because he is living with Lillo Lil great his housing needs are met and the LS can be paid when you downsize when the C leave home...

Great.........bring it on

Get divorced when it suits you...but if he still has some LS the quicker the better before it all goes!!

No need to feel down...I wish my future pension was like that

DON'T settle for anything less tahn a full pension share!!