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Post Final Order - Abusive ex continues - help!

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09 Apr 12 #322550 by starting_out
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Dear Wikivorce folk

My ex assaulted me on 29 June 2009 and was found guilty of a lesser charge than the actual assault merited. Since then, a personal friend of his and family solicitor has conducted divorce proceedings against me. I have spent £38K on these proceedings for NO financial gain - no FMH, I couldn''t even have some of the pension (he is 52, retired at 48 with a CETV of £999K I am 54 with a set of tiny pension pots as I looked after his son during our 10 year marriage).

Final Order drafted by him, signed by me in Dec 2010 whilst I was suffering from PTSD (formally diagnosed). He protected the whole of his pension as the psychiatrist expert didn''t divulge any of the correspondence between him and ex''s sol. Report said he would never work properly again, and the judge said we couldn''t ask questions of the ''jointly instructed'' expert! Within 4 weeks he was earning £500 per day, plus £37.5K pa pension.

I am self-employed in temporary work. Since Dec 2010 he has not complied with the Final Order and is taking me back to court because he is unhappy with a recent decision when the judge awarded me costs and an extension to one of the Final Order sections because of his behaviour and his breaches of the Final Order

He has money to burn and is exhausting me by dragging me back for appeal to appeal actions taken by him.
I am trying to protect a final ''asset'' - property in France purchased with the proceeds of sale of my flat bought before I met him, in negative equity but is my future pension. Because of his bad behaviour post Final Order, I cannot secure the mortgage on it even tho the Order was supposed to give me opportunity - the judge in Jan recognised this. Ex not happy with her decision, hence further bullying.

Because of the assault and PTSD it is very difficult for me to be a litigant in person as I am terrified of him.
Bottom line - he has/will walk away with 80% + of the assets which were depleted in my case protecting myself against him.

The assault case proceedings offered me a range of protection, divorce proceedings absolutely nothing despite the fact that I had to sit opposite the man who tried to kill himself and tried to kill me.
Is there anything I can do? Anyone I can appeal to as this abuse has left me broken financially, emotionally and with little prospects. (an educated woman who has lost money, home, employment -was sacked when I got PTSD)

It seems so unfair that he can continue to harrass me (delays with court dates for his appeal which incur legal costs for me).

I have been suicidal for almost 3 years now. I just don''t know where to turn. But I just don''t know who to approach, how to deal with what is ongoing abuse which is leading me down the path to suicide (yes I''ve been on meds and had counselling, but he keeps bringing up another hearing/threat which takes me back to square one).

Had thought about European Court of Human Rights, can''t think of any abuse lobby who can help. this is wrong and I just don''t know where to turn.


Any thoughts would be gratefully received.

Best wishes

Starting_out

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09 Apr 12 #322575 by fairylandtime
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hi Starting-out

Cannot offer legal solutions but just to say my thoughts are with you. In my own case I "walked away" so to speak - took on the debt, house & x left scot free - was for an easy quick solution but still going on 3 years down the line!! Having said that nearly there now & have taken on short term pain for long to gain in my eyes.

I really can only sympathise with you, your x seems very controlling & hell bent on trying to make it harder for you.

What does your sols advise? This seems brash advice, but all you can do is take one day at a time & look after yourself. Have you friends & family you can lean on? It is one step forward & 2 steps back but eventually the steps forward will gain momentum & surpass the backwards step.

I hope a legal egal can come on & advise you soon, all I can say is stay strong & look after yourself.

JJx

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09 Apr 12 #322585 by starting_out
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thank you for your good wishes. I''m back in court tomorrow at his instigation. My friends have been brilliant, family less so as they find the whole emotional component (abuse, assault then legal ''assault'') too much to bear.

Starting_out xx

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09 Apr 12 #322587 by fairylandtime
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Good luck & keep your chin up- the old saying don''t let the b*****s get you down comes to mind.

JJx

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09 Apr 12 #322595 by Fiona
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IT''s difficult for anyone to comment without sight of the documents. What human right do think has been breached? About 85% of applications to ECHR are inadmissible and there is a case backlog of 5-7 years.

You say you find it difficult being a litigant in person does that mean you have a solicitor?

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09 Apr 12 #322599 by starting_out
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If anyone can advise on abuse cases/lobbies I''d be grateful. I note there is a consultation going on here on Wikivorce.

Anyone know of case law too?

It just seems wrong that a person can be treated entirely differently in two different, yet concurrent courts. The assailant is still the assailant, the victim (hate that word, but it does apply) has to face them in ''ancillary relief'' ''no blame'' proceedings - ridiculous!

Starting_Out

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09 Apr 12 #322614 by Fiona
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You need to establish emotional and physical boundaries. It isn''t advisable to negotiate directly or represent yourself if you feel intimidated. Negotiations can be done indirectly through a solicitor who can discuss any safety issues with the court staff.

If necessary it can be arranged for you and your ex to arrive and leave the court separately and that a separate room is made available so you have no face to face contact with each other before entering the court. Once you are in the court you can address any questions or answers to the judge.

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