difficult ex

hi
never used a forum before, but i really i have a very difficult ex and i need other peoples advice and experiences in what might happen in my situation. I do have a solicitor but as you all know everytime i want to ask her a question either in person or by phone or email its costs me so much money.

I will give you the basics and try not to waffle on.

I got married in 1989, the marriage failed because he was married to the pub.
2 girls 15(IVF) and 13(13wks premature)
both my parents have died and used inheritance money on house, holidays and cars.
Tried to divorce him 7yrs ago, he said he was dying but he lied, my solicitor told me if I divorced him as it looked like i had all the money i would have to keep him in the custom he had been accustomed to, so I left it.
I eventually had to leave him as he wouldn''t get out of the house.
I met someone else and we lived together for 5 yrs sharing access of my children.
I split up last yr and kept asking my ex husband to sell and split our house as i cannot afford to live, he told me in no uncertain terms to "go away".
I now live in a 3 bedroom rented house with my girls they stay with their dad every friday and saturday night if they want to but sometimes stay here with me.
He lives in our house, the mortgage comes out of my sole account but is a joint mortgage, he pays me in cash his share when he feels like it, but he pays nothing for the children, i buy their clothes and food etc.
I started divorce proceedings in february as i had to move again and really can''t afford rent and mortgage, on the 5 year seperation rule.
The problem I have is he has never mentioned to me anything about the divorce or to the kids, he hasn''t acknowledged no letters from my solicitor, never returned the Acknowledgement of Service so i had to pay for a baliff to serve them on him, which took 3 attempts.
My solictor has now applied for my Decree Nisi and a financial order as I attended mediation but he didn''t turn up.
What worries me is if we have to go to court for the 3 hearings, what happens if he doesn''t turn up (which I dont think he will).
Also last year he was claiming the dole and he could still be doing this, but he is working but get paid cash in hand, he has always been useless with money and i used to do his books as when i met him he had lots of problem with the tax man, but i bet he has never done his books since.
I also believe he will do whatever he can to make out he isn''t working and has no money and wants me to waste what money i have on solicitor and court fees. I don''t think he has even been to a solicitor and he never opens any letters.
Any ideas what be the outcome of this mess for me, I have always worked fulltime in a bank hence why i still pay the mortgage or i would loose my job.
His parents are still alive so he would gain quite financially when they die, but my inheritance is all gone.
He still goes to the pub every night and me and the kids havw to eat out of date food off the ooops counter.
I also have a pension, he did have one but stopped paying after i moved out.
please help

Hi hatta,

Welcome to wiiki.

I saw your cry for help on another post - what posters normally do is write ''bump'' on the post they need a response to, this ''bumps'' it up the list.

I''ve read this through and you may need to break it down for responses.

I think a wiser wiki will need to post to advise whether it could be financially worthwhile following this through to court.

We will need:

Your respective ages;

The number of children you have and their ages;

How many nights the children spend with each parent;

The length of your marriage and any period of pre marriage cohabitation;

Your respective incomes;

Your respective outgoings;

Your assets - both soley held and joint;

Your liabilities.

WR

awww thanks for replying

been married about 23 yrs
not sure wot liabilities are
the kids r 15 n 13
i earn about 25k a yr not really sure about him
mortgage is 40k
house worth about 330k

hope this helps

thanx

The liabilities would be any debts (loans, credit cards) both joint and single.

Are there any Pensions, savings or shares?

WR

liabilities are the debts, I think, ie bank loans, credit cards, store cards, suppose your rent.

I initially didn''t understand why you would be paying the motgage if he was living in it. But the equity is very good. So are you paying rent for yourself and mortgage?

You should definatley be applying to the court for Ancillary Relief! See if you can get a Judge to either make him sell up or move out.

Good luck

god knows wot debts he got and yes i got my saye shares suppose he gonna take them aswell

i am paying the morgage because i work for a bank have done for 33 yrs and thats who holds the morgage so if i default i loose my job n he knows that so he aint bothered if he pays or not because i would loose my job if i defaulted