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Am I stupid & is this a warning to all?

  • fairylandtime
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04 Jun 12 #335014 by fairylandtime
Topic started by fairylandtime
Hy guys

Am divorced now all sorted & financial sorted.

Finacials - Perhaps this is a warning to everyone or perhaps not.

Ok, I am (was) the main wage earner , just as we separated got a new job which meant (Thank God) we''d (me & the kids) would be ok - just.

So went to mediation to sort out the financials, basically all we had was debt (mostly X''s) a small amount of equity in the house £20k ish (negative after debt) & my pensions (X didn''t want to pay into a pension - waste of time etc).

So walked away from mediation wi the agreement of: I kept the house, kept my pension & took all the debt - X left with no debt (aside from his own he''d accrued in his bank - couldn''t pin that on me lol). We both paid our own legals, (X legal aid).

I felt that this would help in a quick easy divorce (it didn''t tbh) - but not good with confrontation & X is very very confrontational! Plus thoat that although I''d taken short term pain (debt) I''d kept my pension & the house thus long term gain. X pays minimal CSA.

It is hard to manage & I''m not sure if I have done the right thing but what is done is done. In a way.

But now whenever I mention money to family or that I cannot go with for meals etc cos I cannot afford it, I have it thrown back in my face .... Well if your fought, well you took all the debt, well on your salary .... On & on and am getting sick & tired of it.

I have taken a loan to sort out debt & have taken on the morg thus approx 85% of salary goes on bills & the rest is left for food clothes etc.

I am asking for your honest opinions - have I been stupid in doing this, or not & if I have then let this serve as a warning to all others - Perhaps it is better to stand & fight!

Thank you for reading - sorry its so long it just gets to me. Ie need a new car& fam ans is ll if you hadn''t let X walk all over you you''d be ok ..... It never ends

JJx :(

  • dukey
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04 Jun 12 #335018 by dukey
Reply from dukey
Personally i think if it works for you and you can live with it its for you to decide what is best for you and the kids.

Now i spent some time thinking of how to work "you" in as many times as i could, why?, because its you that must live with the decision, its not easy for family and friends to understand the stress and uncertainty proceedings bring nor can most even begin to understand the cost in £`ss.

I often hear people say fight it out you`ll win, well fight is the right word, i`m not that sure anyone actually "wins", well unless your a lawyer of course, even then we have had lawyers on site who in the past have begged a client to stop and cut losses, some people are bloody minded.

For what its worth Missus i got all the same from friends and family, wimp door mat bla bla bla, i did what i did for the sake of my sanity and the future care of the family, i remember a barrister asking what i had agreed and after listening for a bit said are you out of your fecking mind? it was quite shouty :)but it worked for me so who cares what others think.

I hope it works out for you as well as it has for me, i`m sure it will.

  • fairylandtime
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04 Jun 12 #335030 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Thanks Dukey

I do feel it works for me if I''m honest, I couldn''t have continually fought my X, despite dealing with staff & confrontation on a daily bais I hate it & cannot deal with it from home.

Other people''s thoughts hurt sometimes & your damed if you do & damed if you don''t. Some friends & family think I should have fought more others (mainly joint ones who crossed to the other side lol if you know what I mean) think that I took X to cleaners.

Have just done out the garage, done the grass & starting on my veg patch & you know what it''s all mine :)well mine & the morg company & so what if we haven''t a bean at the moment, now I can plan & save (if possible) & next year hope to be in a better place financially - much more positive.

Thanks again JJx

PS: anyone know where you can get free wood pallets??? LOL

  • downland
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04 Jun 12 #335036 by downland
Reply from downland
If you are happy with the way you went then it is not up to other people to judge you - but we all know they will. And if you are honest and say you cant afford this that and the other without bemaoning the fact then good for you - better than more debet. Most builders merchants and only too glad to get rid of pallets .........

  • fairylandtime
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04 Jun 12 #335042 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Thanks download

Yes I am happy with the way it went (now) & I do get fed up of being judged, however, I am still a bit oversensitive re it all so perhaps as it goes on I will mellow & won''t care what others think.

So what if I cannot afford a new car (on my mega salary) I am happy with the car I have got & don''t want to get into any more debt but just want to see the debt scale go down & down over the next few years - like I said short term pain for long term gain, lest see what "they" will say when I''m jetting off to whereever in a few years time. :laugh:

As for the pallets - thanks for that, will try tomorrow, have seen some (laying) around but not the sort to help myself, so will just have to go in & be cheeky & ask.

Thanks again JJx

  • hawaythelads
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04 Jun 12 #335046 by hawaythelads
Reply from hawaythelads
You have undoubtedly left yourself with an unrealistic debt level.
However, having said that what other choice did you have? as such you had no marital assets just debt and a liability of a husband.
If you hadn''t of secured the mortgage then I hate to think what you would do now.Because the banks ain''t even lending without
30 to 40 % cash deposits and you would''ve been knackered on that.
that would have forced you into rented blowing money every month as rents are through the roof and also with no guarantee of continuity in where you are living.
So you have gone the extra mile took on a fecking massive debt for the sake of doing your best by the kids.
People are clueless really and it''s probably people in partnerships telling you what you should have done.
You''ve done your best by the kids so don''t doubt yourself.
As Dukey says I fell on my sword also so that the kids lives weren''t affected.i figured might as well take the financial hit anmd my life is significantly tougher financially than it could have been.
However at the end of the day I know I done right by the kids.So no matter how much I moan about it and feck me can I moan :blink::blink:I know that I done right by the kids so I can always think oh well feck it they are ok.This outbreak of admission of acceptance for your benefit does not mean that the ex harridan is not a harridan ;)
All the best
Pete xx

  • Lostboy67
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04 Jun 12 #335054 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
fairylandtime wrote:

Yes I am happy with the way it went (now) & I do get fed up of being judged, however, I am still a bit oversensitive re it all so perhaps as it goes on I will mellow & won''t care what others think.

The world is full of ''experts'' telling you what you should and should not have done. But they are not the ones who have to live with the descisions you are, and that is all that matters.


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