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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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Application for variation of spousal maintenance

  • MrsSadness
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19 Aug 12 #350433 by MrsSadness
Reply from MrsSadness
''Rabbit on speed'' - I think we all married the same man then! Sorry, being flippant in what is a serious subject, but what a great analogy, the amount of women he is getting through and vexitious personified! Sorry again for butting in, on OP''s thread. OP, what a nightmare - 12 years!!!!!! God. Mind you, I don''t think mine is going to be easy either. Anyway, back to the seriousness of your situation, OP, I can offer no practical advice, just support! But hats off to you - 12 years and still going on. Bye

  • dukey
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19 Aug 12 #350437 by dukey
Reply from dukey
As others have said i would not accept a voluntary reduction, judges don`t award joint lives on a whim, you have little in terms of pension provision.

The fact is your ex is a high earner, courts look at facts as they stand not what may or may not happen in the future.

If he does reduce his working hours the court will have to consider it, they must also consider if it is an attempt to get out of paying as per the order, the court also must consider if he can pay even on reduced hours, if he can then they will make him pay.

100k net even by my rubbish maths is around £8300 per month, so he is paying less than 10%, if he DOES go "half time" he would still earn £4150 ish so the order is still less than 25% of net.

I doubt he has actually made an application to vary, even if he does he will probably struggle to make any progress.

As for mediation without a mediator, and the only agreement he will accept is £1 per year, well i would use a legal term i hear quite often, "kiss my arse" seems quite fitting in this case.

  • soulruler
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19 Aug 12 #350442 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler

What is it these days with you and your comments, either you are getting funnier or I am coming out of a cloud of depression.

Anyhow, maybe the OP should combine your thought and mine and tell her ex so politely that on the subject of mediation without a third party for a reduction to a nominal £1 payment "kiss my arse you rabbit on speed":laugh:

Maybe not sensible to say that to him face to face - he might actually explode:laugh:

  • spooky
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19 Aug 12 #350450 by spooky
Reply from spooky
But it would be worth it!

The latest joy is that he is prepared to attend mediation with his wife as mediator as she is trained in management skills!

It gets better and better!

Oh and he chooses the venue:laugh:

  • maisymoos
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19 Aug 12 #350452 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
That is actually quite funny, his wife as mediator!!!! Independent non biased and totally objective of course :laugh::laugh::laugh:

  • dukey
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19 Aug 12 #350454 by dukey
Reply from dukey
Perhaps age is dragging me along the road of don`t suffer fools gladly, i don`t know how lawyers manage to maintain dignity manners and composure.

A variation last year, just as an example, guy decent wage young man, term order at 10% of his net, so his reasons to vary.

He needed to pay more into his pension after a sharing order.

Petrol was more expensive.

His NI was more expensive.

He wanted to get married, the planned wedding was expensive.

His GF`s kids cost him more than he thought.

His income could reduce.

His bonus could reduce.

This was his forth attempt to vary in three years, three applications in county court had failed.

As with all the other applications he claimed his disclosure must have been lost in the post, he provided some scribble in the corridor and then back in to court.

Now i was more than sure he would fail again, his ex though was very worried knowing if it was reduced or discharged she and her kids would be on the street.

My arguments.

Petrol is the same price for all of us, more importantly he has a company car and millage allowance, so he doesn''t pay anyway.

Pension contributions were his choice, so was marriage so was in fact the new relationship.

His income may or may not change but right now it was the same as at FH.

His responsibility is to his first family HIS children.

The SM was specifically ordered so the mortgage could be paid.

It failed needless to say and costs were ordered.

  • soulruler
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19 Aug 12 #350455 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
Spooky, it is spooky and are you sure that it really would be worth it?:P

I remember well when my ex was leaving, having an affair and on and off trying to kill me that he one day sent me a text when I was on my way with the kids to get out of the village for the weekend (basically had had enough of the gaslighting campaign he and OW - term used lightly as she is a ***** and black witch in reality - anyhow A supplier had phoned me and asked for a payment of one of our accounts so I texted superduper up and asked him to contact them and sort out the payment.

What came back from him was a text saying "stop fxxking with my head I am about to explode!!!!"

Nice eh! Still, I have imagined him exploding many times since when things have got to the point where I don''t think I am going to be able to cope with anymore of his abuse and crap.

My superduper ex exploding would make one hell of a horrible mess - especially since he has left me he has become really fat!!!:laugh:

Best to do it on the phone and then he can explode all over his trained mediator and everyone will be happy.

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