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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Scared- can I really self rep???

  • mbird
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23 Aug 12 #351505 by mbird
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Sorry, but is three days ok to leave the offer open for?

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23 Aug 12 #351509 by mbird
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How long would be considered reasonable to leave an open offer open for?

  • happyagain
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23 Aug 12 #351510 by happyagain
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I would say a 2 - 3 week response time is fair given the time it takes for a sol to contact the client and for them to think it through. I know you want it over with but 2 weeks is nothing if you get what you want. And that should be 2 weeks from receipt of letter, not from when you pen it.

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23 Aug 12 #351523 by Hereshopin
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mbird, You said you have made lots of offers so far. What offers did you make and did you get any response? I would be a bit careful about making open offers as you are not obliged to do so prior to FDR. Personally, I would make your offer ''without prejudice''. It can be seen by a judge at the FDR then but not referred to if you get to final hearing. You can make open offers after the FDR (assuming it goes beyond this). If you make an open offer now then it can be referred to later on.

Another thing to be wary of is making too many offers. It is admirable and understandable that you want to sort things out quickly. I am in a similar position to you and feel the same way. But you don''t want to appear desperate and if they get the impression you are then they will naturally just wait until the next better offer comes along. Make a sensible, realistic offer - explain why it is sensible and realistic and then stick to it.

As you have FDR coming up, presumably you have had a first appointment when pension reports and the like are ordered. Did the judge not order an actuarial report? If not, then the FDR might be a bit of a waste of time because the argument will be that they don''t know what your assets are. I''d also be careful about offering x% of your pension if you don''t know what that actually means in monetary terms. An actuarial report may be expensive but it will give you a clearer picture of what you are offering and the effect it will have on your pension in the future.

Good luck and best wishes. H

  • u6c00
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24 Aug 12 #351570 by u6c00
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Best wishes with self-repping

Just a couple of questions: you say your ex is getting income support, how is this possible if the youngest child is 5? I might be wrong but I thought that income support could only be paid until the youngest child reaches 5, after that she would be transferred to JSA.

Also, if she is unable to pay the mortgage on her own then it is going to be almost impossible for her to accept your offer without some other income (or you continuing to make payments to the mortgage).

If her income is higher than yours it is unlikely that there will be SM, so who is to pay the mortgage and how?

I''m absolutely no expert in this area, but it''s important to ask yourself whether your ex could possibly accept your offer.

  • happyagain
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24 Aug 12 #351574 by happyagain
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Just a few last thoughts on this. Firstly, if you do this you will need to let your sol know so they can forward the notice of acting in person to you, and then to your ex''s solicitor.
Also, I agree with the previous posters about rushing into this. If you have made previous offers then this will come across as desperate and give her false confidence. Believe it or not, she is probably as worried about this as you are. As stated previously, I don''t think she''s got a leg to stand on with sm if she nets more than you. This is a time to hold your nerve. You may want to look at some posts from earlier this year from a poster called popoliv, he did hold his nerve and got a favourable outcome at the end although he was under pressure to give his ex everything.
Whatever you decide, good luck.

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24 Aug 12 #351620 by acfair
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Self repping is possible - I did it and it is most satisfying when it is successful. The Judge has to consider that you are self repping but what is most satisfying is being able to ask the "right" questions to your ex - only you know their true personal circumstances. I was able to ask my ex about his medical record and police record - something a solicitor or barrister would never understand the significance of!!

So persevere and believe in what''s right and just!

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