Scared- can I really self rep???

I agree acfair, you can do and say so much more when your self rep as you don''t no what you can and cant say. just making sure you stay calm, i will probably get kicked out of court when i get there.lol.

I am going to disagree regarding without prejudice. Make sure any offer you make is genuine and make an open offer to settle and put a closing date which gives a reasonable time for her to respond.

The idea that she should be a beneficiary on your life insurance is totally nuts and actually if you looked on the dark side (and I am not suggesting this is her intention) it sounds rather like tales of the unexpected as she would then have an interest in your demise in the future.

No person in their right mind would want to demand such a stupid thing of their ex.

Also totally agree with the position on pension 50% of anything accrued during the marriage is equitable and she is young enough to accrue pension in her own name.

Also, big hugs and sympathy for you and your new partner - you do not indicate that you left to have an affair, you say you left 3 years ago and are in a six month relationship.

I totally agree with the person who gave you advise on that and I would attempt to re-assure your partner (in any case is is a new third party) that it is her RIGHT as well as your responsibility to point out to your stbx that she has rights of privilege on the matter of financial disclosure.

On that point I would put in any offer to settle that your new partner is so distressed and it has put such a strain on a new relationship that she has asked you to move out (so consider doing it if it really is that it is breaking what could be a longer term or life time relationship).

As we all know marriage breakdown is often very very stressful and that includes stress to any other party that might potentially get involved.

What offer or offers have you made to date and what offer do you think you could make to get out of this?

I suggest 50% of the pension you accrued during the course of your marriage and that she takes the equity in the FMH as long as she has sufficient means to pay the mortgage.

If she does not then regretably possibly an order for sale where you would need an independent valuation (not estate agents valuation).

At this point bearing in mind you have had to fund all of this out of current income and £12,000 is a huge legal bill and that she gave up work at the point of all this and is claiming legal aid I would seriously say that amounts to litigation conduct, failure I think to put in any offer which has any basis in reason and would be asking that she pays personally for an independent valuation.

I would also say seeing as she has racked up so many costs and caused so much financial and emotional distress that if she doubts and insists on a pension valuation and can not accept a split when the pension is in receipt (way off so that defers the actual cost - that could be in any order for the future) that she also pays for the report rather than continuing to put you under such emotional and financial distress.

With such financial conduct I would also be very careful about her staying there and any indemnity of mortgage (assuming the mortgage is in joint names - it is a total liabiity to you btw if in your sole name) and if there is to be an order for sale that you have a certain amount of control about the sale, the marketing and the access for view for potential buyers as it is possible that she will do everything in her power to stop a view, prevent a sale and put you in the possible position of bad credit and a debt to the mortgage company.

Dads Army - Don''t panic.

On the matter of legal costs her legal team will need to put into court a costs schedule when this does get to FDR.

Make sure if you self rep that you have the full costs schedule from your previous legal advisers so that you can submit this yourself for the FDR.

Take time to look at it and also assuming you are paid up with them you must get the full file of documents from your solcitor, it is your information and they should not deny you this.

If you are not fully paid up they may say they are putting a lien on it pending payment of bills.

Problem there is that you cannot act for yourself without all the information and I am not sure in law they have rights simply because you have an unpaid bill (if you have) to put a lien on it as if they are in their rights to their bill then whether they have your file or not it does not stop them taking you to court (they could make a copy and then charge you if they were right).

If you do not have the file however, you don''t have the full facts to represent yourself in your case.

One thing which seems to have gone unnoticed here also is the interests of the children.

Sounds like both of you are likely to have wracked up stupid amounts of legal costs in a small money divorce, where there are two children from the marriage (still very young) one 18 soon to fly the coup (who you won''t be responsible for on divorce and is old enough to provide for themselves in principle).

An estimated £45,000 equity is not a large amount.

Sometimes quite honestly I wonder what legal firms are doing and why they continue to allow such huge costs, such contentious separation and why legal teams who are representing difficult party even think about putting forward offers which are so distressing and harrassing to the other party.

Was the offer of staying on your life assurance an offer put forward by her solicitors on her behalf? If it was I really think that is unacceptable as it shows no knowledge of basic principle and basic law.

Another thing that troubles me here is the potential for her legal team to put a charge on the FMH for repayment of legal costs.

Correct me if I am wrong someone but that is a distinct possibility.

Sorry don''t want to add to your troubles.

soulruler wrote:

If you are not fully paid up they may say they are putting a lien on it pending payment of bills.

Problem there is that you cannot act for yourself without all the information and I am not sure in law they have rights simply because you have an unpaid bill (if you have) to put a lien on it as if they are in their rights to their bill then whether they have your file or not it does not stop them taking you to court (they could make a copy and then charge you if they were right).

They can do it unfortunately. Mine agreed to release my file on the basis that there was a payment plan in place to pay the remaining sum but they were very difficult about it.

Yes soulruler it came after she saw my form E- showing that my new partner, her children, my children were beneficiaries and she had been removed (obviously). Her sol has suggested a disposition of asset order in relation to this and his argument for this is that this is stbx "insurance" to pay joint debts should anything happen to me!!
Contact alone was 6k resulted in contact order made in court after I applied for a nonmol.