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Fake \"hardship\" claim as an excuse to avoid MIAM

  • .Sylvia
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02 Nov 18 #504647 by .Sylvia
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CarltonS wrote:

I don't know why people are picking on me.

In seeking to attend a MIAM and thereby attempting to resolve financial issues out of court I'm not abusing the court process.

Jeez!

And I'm all for a practical solution and all for avoiding court action and spending that money on the kids instead. But it takes two!


No-one is "picking" on you - you are being given advice based on what you have already said, and the experience of posters. (hadenoughnow and I have a combined 22 years + experience of family law and advising others, so we do know what we are talking about). That advice is given freely, and in the hope that that you will at least consider what is being said so that you may save yourself time, money, stress and a costs order. It is up to you if you want to take on board the advice or not.

You are absolutely right - it does take both parties to be willing to sit down and resolve matters amiably, but from what you've written, your spouse doesn't seem inclined to do this - without her willing involvement and co-operation, mediation simply won't work.

I can understand why you feel aggrieved that you haven't been given the opportunity to attend a MIAM or any other mediation sessions - but please, please accept that we are only trying to help you :)

  • CarltonS
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02 Nov 18 #504651 by CarltonS
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.Sylvia wrote:

I can understand why you feel aggrieved that you haven't been given the opportunity to attend a MIAM or any other mediation sessions - but please, please accept that we are only trying to help you :)

Aggrieved?! Here we go again! For goodness sake!

I'm not "aggrieved" about not having a MIAM, I'm not resentful, I'm not seeking to prove in court that I am "right"...

Listen, I appreciate people are trying to help and I thank the highly experienced members for taking the time, but by focusing on judging me for wanting a delay, rather than answering my question, they are not actually helping.

Let me say, again, I have strong practical reasons for wanting to delay action, and such delay will be of enormous benefit to the children (particularly one child). I am not willing to go into the reasons just to get around the apparently entrenched mindset here that anyone looking to delay is a bad guy/ uninformed / vindictive / aggrieved / trying to waste the court's time / whatever (take your pick).

My request is that people take what I've said at face value, not extend to me advice in areas where I have not sought it, and help me with my specific request about ways to (reasonably) delay. That would be most appreciated.

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02 Nov 18 #504652 by .Sylvia
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No-one has judged you for wanting to delay proceedings, simply pointing out possible consequences. That isn't judging, that is good advice. It would be irresponsible for posters to NOT advise you of such possible consequences.

As I've said before, people are trying to help you, but it's difficult to advise without the full picture.

Best of luck to you.

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02 Nov 18 #504653 by CarltonS
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.Sylvia wrote:

...but it's difficult to advise without the full picture.

The part of the picture that is not disclosed is ... irrelevant to my question. :(

Either people with experience can advise on the ways to delay ... or they can't.

My reasons for wanting to delay are immaterial and, as pointed out (multiple times) earlier, not the subject of discussion.

  • Cheesestring
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02 Nov 18 #504667 by Cheesestring
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I wanted to do miam but I had no choice we ended up going to court. He went to miam and they ticked the box and he dragged me to court.

I wanted to postpone the first hearing as I was 9 months pregnant and the hearing date was on my due date. I emailed, called and wrote a letter to court begging to postpone. They said no, hearing must go ahead.

I had no choice but go to court, I was a wreck and he laughed at me.

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03 Nov 18 #504685 by CarltonS
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I'm so sorry to hear that.

How come he went to the MIAM and you didn't? Did you not know about the date?

Surely being nine months pregnant could have got the hearing adjourned. Did you have a solicitor advising you?

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03 Nov 18 #504687 by Cheesestring
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He went to Miam and I didn't know about it. The first I found out was when the court papers dropped through my letter box. Miam didn't even call, text, email or write a letter to me. I wouldn't be surprised if he gave my wrong phone number and email address. I thought that was very unfair. He knew had I known about Miam taking place I would definitely have turned up because I didn't want to go to court.

I had a solicitor advising me and they helped draft a letter. Still courts refused to adjourn or postpone. With all this stress I ended up having baby early and c section.

I think Miam is just moneymaking and box ticking. I would advise anyone to jump at Miam if possible but I know sometimes the only option is court.

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