Currently going through a divorce with the soon to be ex wife. I allowed her to file against me for unreasonable behaviour as she wouldnt admit adultery.
Have 2 wonderful children 6 and 4 who remain in the FMH with the mother and i see them as much as i possibly can. I often go overseas due to work commitments with the military.
Married 7 years lived together for just under 3 years before marriage. Me 37, her 32.
Assets laid out are as follows.
FMH valued at 275-335 wide variation i know. I worked on it selling for 285 so the lower end of the valuations. Mortgage is 113k so after ERC and conveyancing etc about 165 ish equity.
Rental property that i lived in for a year as my primary residence on my own before wife moved in and we lived together for 3 years, married there and had first child then moved to FMH and kept it as a rental. Valued at 190000, expect to achieve 180000. After mortgage of 126 and ERC and conveyancing expect 50000 ish equity. Plus savings of 25000.
So all in all a pot of 240000 ish.
CETV of my pension 106,000.
Wife no pension. Well just started one so very small
I offered my wife a 60:40 split of all capital assets with a guaranteed minimum of 140000 so that if we achieve less on the houses she can still buy a house in the area she wishes to live. She has a 60000 mortgage capacity. I would walk away with my pension and the 40 percent. Clean Break.
200000 would buy a nice 3 bedroom semi where we live maybe even a 4 bed.
I earn 55k a year she earns approx 12k part time. Just dropped to 4 days a week as she needs a day to herself apparently.
She initially agreed to this and now after speaking to her solicitor has changed her mind. My solicitor says its fair and the main sticking point is that her solicitor will not give her any advice on what is fair without an actuary report as she believes military CETV of a pension is often undervalued.
The pension has been earned over a 16 year period of which i say she is entitled to 7 years. She keeps saying i dont want your pension , but the whole sticking point is the pension.
She wont come back to mediation without an actuary report that is approx 2000 pounds, and i wont agree to one as believe its disproportionate as when worked out as an offset she is entitled to around 17k ish after 25 percent reduction, my solicitor said to reduce it by 40 percent but i declined.
I know all assets in marriage are split equally but i have paid for everything in the marriage all mortgages and bills came out of my wage and the profit leftover from the rental after mortgage, insurance and a small amount that went into savings deductions went to the wife along with a credit card i paid for. This was so she had her own income stream.
Can someone please tell me if i am being unreasonable 2 solicitors have said im being
fair, my wife initially thought it was fair. Then the change of heart.
Ours is a needs based case and 140000 plus her 60000 mortgage capacity gets her the house she desires, not the house she needs. There are 3 bedroom houses for 150-160k in our area but i obviously want my kids to live in a nice place. There are no rough areas where we live though. I originally grew up in a hellhole so i know.
She didnt give up a high earning career to have our children she was a nursery nurse and has returned to that career. She has the ability to take on a full time job if she wishes as our littlest starts school in Sep. She wont though.
I currently pay the mortgage on both houses, and the insurances. Tenants have been served notice and my first home/the rental is going on the market. Have agreed to pay CM as soon as everything is sold. She covers her own bills, well the universal tax credits do.
I live in a flat provided kindly by work although this is temporary until we can sort out this financial agreement.
I didnt want to go to court but feel her solicitor has forced my hand, so have applied for a financial order. I feel her solicitor wants to drive us to court with this actuary report
I offered to pay off the mortgage on the rental then she could have a mortgage free house. She says its to small. Its a 3 bed semi with a garage, and is a new build 10 years old.
I cant keep making offers only to have them thrown back in my face. We get along okay and dont argue about the children. When im in the uk they stay with me 2-3 nights a week, however like i said work often takes me away so its hard to put a number of nights per year. It will be a lot easier if we sort this and i rehouse myself.
All i want to do is get on with my life. Give my ex a decent deposit for a house but allow myself a deposit so we can both have nice places for the kids.
This thing has eaten me up for 7 months since it started. I dont sleep, its constantly on my mind and i just want it over.
The lowhand stalling tactics by her solicitor are disgraceful. Cancelling mediation appointments and not telling me till 2 days before i take my children on holiday and then asking for all sorts of paperwork in order for her to be able to provide any advice for my wife. Then telling her not to accept the 60:40 deal with guaranteed minimum before i deploy for 3 months so nothing progresses.
She has all the paperwork needed. A CETV of my pension. Valuations of both houses and expected outcomes and the amount in savings.
SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME IF I AM BEING UNREASONABLE!!
Her friends all advised her it was a great deal and kept us out of court. I think her mother pressured her to go for more.
The relationship is souring all the time. Me and her dad where like father and son for 10 years and he was a great father figure after mine passed away. We now dont speak and i feel like im being treated like the one who called time on the marriage and the one who had an affair. To be fair after the kids hes probably the one i miss the most. Lol.
Am i being unreasonable??? 140000 minimum at 32 is i think a good chunk of change.
Based on total assets of 346,000 (240k houses plus 106k pension) a 50:50 split gives 173,000 each.
You are offering 140,000 and you keep your full pension of 106,000 and have 100,000 for a deposit on a house.
I can see why she is asking for more money: your proposal is 60:40 in your favor based on total assets including pensions.
If you go for pure 50:50 on total assets (including pensions) you need to increase your offer to 173,000, which would leave you with 67,000 for a deposit on a house and your full pension.
On the other hand, your marriage including cohabitation is 10 years and your pension was earned over 16 years so you could adjust your offer.
Roughly speaking, if you deduct 40,000 for 6 years pension payments before cohabitation then the total assets pot is 306,000 and 50:50 is 153,000 each, which is 13,000 higher than your current offer and leaves you 87,000 for a deposit on a house. Your salary and associated pension contribution was likely to be lower during these years so the adjustment/deduction could be lower than 40,000.
You may want to run the deduction for the 6 years mortgage payments before cohabitation again with more accurate figures.
If I was you I would think about increasing the offer to avoid potentially huge legal fees and re-establishment of an amicable relationship.
I am in a similar position to you but am looking at 80:20 split in her favor as I am a high earner working overseas and she does not work (we have 3 young kids in school)!
Sorry further to your reply. I was offering a guaranteed minimum of 140000. A 60/40 split of equity if we achieve the house sale prices I envisage is 240000 that gives her 144, me 96, plus the small pension.