Just an update - I was right, my ex had reported me and told them I wasn't living at my address!? The man asked if I have family I stay with, which I don't, but I was honest and said I have a partner. He asked how often we stay together and I said once or twice a week and he said that is pushing it and may very well be considered that we are living as a family....! He said 'we are not trying to push you together, or apart' and I said 'but we either can't spend nights together or we have to move in together?' and he said 'yes, that's about right.' How ridiculous. And how spiteful from my ex, not satisfied with making us homeless and have to live in a hostel when we separated but now not thinking of his daughter yet again and just trying to cause problems for me. Grrrr.
so what is the outcome for you? are they looking into it or is that it?
It's very difficult as a single parent - you don't want to rush into a new relationship to have your children messed about all over again. But at the same time, you can't expect the benefit system to support you whilst you make your mind up! The way of the world currently is that you're likely to be reliant on the benefit system one way or another if you're single with children, even if working full time, which makes it doubly difficult in trying to acheive and maintain your independence and balance new relationships. No easy answers. Hope it works out for you.
I had to sign a statement saying we stay together occasionally, that I understand the rules about living together and that I believe my ex husband made a malicious report. He didn't say they were looking into it any further, as I did volunteer the information about my partner and predict exactly what my ex husband would have said in his 'report' but not sure if that means they aren't. We're not staying together just in case.
It is so hard because, like you say, my partner and I have both been through awful marriages with kids involved. The last thing we want is to move in and then everyone be separated and hurt again. But at the same time, how do you get to the stage where you're ready to move in if you can't even spend a couple of nights together?
My partner used to spend 3 nights a week at my house when we were dating (usually Wednesday, Friday and Saturday).
I have a house and he only had a 1 bed flat so couldnt stay there as no room for the kids.
I got so stressed as I knew my ex would report me for something so I asked my partner to move in...best thing I ever did...and a couple of years on still deliriously happy.
I didnt tell my ex he'd moved in but the next time it was maliciously mentioned in an email I informed in that my partner had, by then lived with us for months and that he didnt need to inform the benefits people as we already had! Must have irked him as I didnt get a smart a**e reply!
I think 3 nights a week is fine Jenna as long as your bf has bills (council tax etc) in HIS name for HIS place.
I'd chill out about it all...stay 3 nights, keep finances separate and you'll be ok.
In reality my kids granny from scotland comes to stay for a week twice a year...I dont tell tax credits this...nor do I tell them when the kids have a friend over to stay...they really wont be that petty!