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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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advice needed

  • whispy
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18 May 08 #22813 by whispy
Topic started by whispy
Hi... can i introduce myself.... i have been following the boards for some time now.. Other peoples problems seem a lot worse than mine so I have been a bit afraid to post for fear of sounding silly.... it's got to the stage where good advice is really needed

I split up from my husband 2 1/2 years ago after he had an affair with a student nurse he was mentoring , hes now living with her and her 3 children (to 2 different fathers) all under 17. In a house bought by her parents for which he claims they are paying rent.
My children 3 are all grown up and at present I have only one of them living with me We had been married for 23 ys and been living together since 1978.
I'm 54 and working in full time employment.
When he left he said he wanted or home to remain the family home and agreed to pay half the utility bill and half the mortgage.
In the first few months of leaving he accumulated overdrafts on every account and credit card we had, and refused to take my name off them even though i was managing my own finances and bank account.
He finally agreed to take my name off the account when i froze the joint accounts and opened a new account in my name for the mortgage...... he retaliated by canceling all the standing orders for the utilities and stopped paying them with out any waring, it was only when i got letters from various companies that i became aware of his actions. ... He has also taken out various loans from what i can gather.Had 2 cars whilst living with her, He took the family car with him.
He has since taken a higher paid job, with good a NHS pension,after the place he was working at closed down... but he says there was no redundancy money paid out
I had 2 unmotivated teens living with me .... not working and refusing to sign on. When i asked him for some sort of help with there keep he said he would give it to them and not to me .... so of course as with teens and 20 somethings they spent it on nights out and any other personal things... Guilt money on his part.
In March I managed to get the family and my grand son together, we rented a friends house in Spain , shared the costs and had a holiday together Whilst away He text me to say that he would not be able to pay the mortgage any more.. as he may have to claim bankruptcy and could he sign the house over to me a.s.a.p...... I saw the mortgage brokers made all the arrangements to sign the house over.... now he has made a U turn ... refusing to sign the forms and is no longer paying the mortgage ... which is in joint names.
What i want to know is ... can he just stop paying the mortgage like that, as its a joint agreement with the mortgage company?.....(and once again without any warning.)
Also if he insists on having half the house,which is looking like the obvious out come. (As I think hes getting pressure from "her", incidentally she called my daughter a "money grabbing bitch"). I will have to move to an area which is less expensive, further away from my job and would be unlikely to be able to buy another property, or get another mortgage because of my age...(it makes me angry because, if we hadn't bought under the right to buy, i wouldn't have these worries.)
It would also affect me being able to see my children and grandson as overnight visits are the only possible way i can see them.
I have kept my part of the bargain in keeping solicitors out of this at his request .. but he seems to have accumulated so much debt since leaving that I feel im now facing loosing my home and coming worse off than ever. I wasn't the guilty party in all this.
Where do i go from here??? How would the courts view this , would i have to suffer for his extravagance??
Sorry its a big big rant but at times i feel at the end of my tether ANY advice would be much appreciated.

  • ancillarycilla
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18 May 08 #22817 by ancillarycilla
Reply from ancillarycilla

The short answer is no you will not be held responsible for any debts incurred post seperation.

Its good to keep solicitors out of the picture in so far as the legal costs can get high and this in itself can cause financial difficulties.

Many won't agree with me but i think it may be a good idea for you to go to a solicitor for a one-off appointment. You can get quotes from different ones or you may have one someone can recommend.

The only reason i say this is he seems to be being financially deceitful and this is never a good start. How long was he at his former job and is his lack of redundancy pay story believable?

Unfortunately the partner not living in the FHM often stops paying the their half of the mortgage. Its stupid on their part because they are not protecting their investment in doing so. What if you couldn't manage the house would be repossessed and the equty greatly reduced.

Your children, in my opinion should be given ultimatums, thats only my opinion you understand and extremely difficult but you can't manage and they need to help. You've nutured them all those years and all you're asking for is a bit of help thats all.

All the best, and please don't play down your situation it sounds like you are going through hell.

Best Wishes

  • whispy
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19 May 08 #22945 by whispy
Reply from whispy
Thanks Cilla,

Indeed it was hard to motivate my children , but i eventually managed to do that. One of them is now working away from home , and the other is living with me and contributing to the home.

It was made much more difficult owing to the fact that there father was giving them "guilt money" instead of spending time with them.

As advised i have booked an appointment with a solicitor. this will be the third time in the separation, I omitted to add this.
the last 2 occasions they advised mediation, I tried to arrange this only let down by non co-operation. I find it difficult to conduct business with him on the phone, as i know he has the phone on speaker and she is listening in , whispering to him what to say and indeed giggling in the background.... such contempt from a man i've known for 30 yrs.

  • TMax
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  • Platinum Member
20 May 08 #22960 by TMax
Reply from TMax

you mention your STBX isworking for NHS is this correct, if so then he will have a very valuable pension that you will be entitled to half of plus half the assets of the house.

Keeping solicitors out of it may not be a good idea a good family solicitor can be a god send in cases like yours, I think me smells a rat whose trying to hide things, you are both going to have to supply a years bank statements plus other materials to the court.


  • Elle
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  • User is blocked
20 May 08 #22961 by Elle
Reply from Elle
Not that you would know max! but a dekight to see you ...a mere amateur...lol....y
that said tread carefuly whispy

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