I am divorced from my ex wife of 16 years. I divorced her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour after she had several affairs. We have 2 children together aged 11 and 9. We still haven''t sorted financial arrangements and i really don''t know what to do. She is in the marital home with the children, and now pays the mortgage, and there is about £70,000 equity in the house. the house is a 4 bedroom, so bigger than they need. I have left the marriage with nothing, no furniture, no money, nothing. I am forced to rent with my new fiancee and her 2 children as i have to stay on the old mortgage. I am a high earner, £100,000 a year, and so didn''t dispute this. However i also took on all of our marital debt - £50,000 worth. the debt was for family holidays, home improvements etc. With maintenance for the children on top of that i am really struggling, and as she now works and recieves tax credits, surely she should pay something towards it? Or force the sale of the house so i can release some equity to pay some of the debt? I''m not asking for a 50/50 split, i''m aware i earn more, but i can''t live like this. I have the children 3 nights a weekl and yet my maintenance is still £500 a month, add the min debt repayments and it''s £1300. Her family are well off and will pay all her legal bills, and i''m worried if i fight this i''ll end up with nothing. It all seems so unfair. Can anyone help at all? We tried mediation last year but she just would not discuss anything, and so we left it.
Jim you might as well apply to the court for Ancillary Relief to be sorted now.Whilst you still have the £50k debt.Rather than soldiering on paying off the debt on your own.
At the end of the day I doubt the house will get sold.But you could argue for that £50k to be lumped onto the mortgage.So that it ain''t crippling you.
You could argue well ok I''ll take the debt but that means I get 50/50 on house equity when kids are 21.
The debt is actually a good thing.
If you apply to the court to sort out ancillary relief that actually means within 4 months you''ll be in court for the first time having to sort something out.
That''s in your interest because the longer you allow her to prevaricate and stall the more of that loan you''ll pay off on your own.
DEBT IS GOOD when you are the higher earner.Thank feck you owe it to a proper bank /credit card company.....because if the good old bank of mum and dad had given you £50k that gets completely ignored by the courts as a soft loan.
At the end of the day you''ll get fecked over financially as the single income high earning bloke forget her benefits the judge won''t give a flying feck about that but you can''t get no worse off.The £50k debt at the very least will stop her claimimg spousal maintenance at least.Might as well represent yourself as a bloke you are literally are turning up to see how much you aren''t going to get out the marital pot anyways......of course....."All in the best interests of the children."
All the best
Divorce was finalised last January. We agreed a court order for financials, and she then refused to sign it after i had it drafted, because she didn''t like the line that said if you were in contempt of the order you could be jailed. :-/
she has been difficult at every turn, and refused to speak during mediation last year. She tells the kids i don''t pay for their clubs etc, and refuses to give me tickets for them - when i pay the CSA suggested maintenance as well as the debt. I just don''t know where to turn.
She is paying the mortgage at least ( you do not say how much)
Might as well forget about her family fortunes - is not going to account in any factoring of division.
It still amazes me to this day as to why seemingly affluent households amass such debts ( but that''s just my amazement not a dig by the way) totally irrelevant other than to satisfy my curiosity.
My layman view is If you didn''t have your children 3 nights then you would probably be looking at 1200 child maintence. you pay 500. you stump up joint loan repayments .... 13000, -v- ? mortgage she is paying.
On the basis of your earning capacity (high rate) my opinion is that you are doing quite well in the grand scheme as you still have a relativley decent disposable income; ok your opinion may differ to my assumption but you have not given full facts.
I think hawaythelads might be spot on - use the marital debt as a bargaining tool to try to get some equity.
I don''t know what your ex-wife''s earning capacity is but as you mention tax credits etc so on your wage she may go for spousal - its a possibility.
My overall opinion (reiterate "my") is I''m not quite sure why at this present time you feel hard done to ... The situation may or may not get better.
Prepared to be very disappointed and if after the overall outcome you are not - result as far as results go.
I think it''s easy to feel hard done by when your wife has 3 affairs and you leave the home you worked hard and paid for with nothing but the shirt on your back. Meanwhile, her lifestyle has not changed at all. Wages, tax credits and my maintenance leave her with a decent monthly income of almost £3000 and the mortgage is £800 a month. For half the week she is completely child free. Me? I can only rent for the forseeable future, as i have no house deposit and no savings.I had to buy all my furniture - all second hand. I work in london, pay expensive travel, and rent a home modest but just big enough for my children to be comfortable when they stay - they share a room and i still pay £1000 a month. My fiancee left her job and moved here 40 miles away from her life because i have my children so often - so i also help support her and her 2 children. Honestly, we don''t have a penny left each month when those debts are paid. The point to me is, not that the ex wife is well off, but why should one person take all the assets and none of the debt? Is that actually fair? It really doesn''t seem it.
My earning capacity is better granted. I do appreciate that. I just want something to enable us to start again - not alot, just something. Iv''e also amassed more debt in legal fees because of the divorce. She messed me around at every corner and was on legal aid at the time herself - and then i paid for all mediation when her legal aid was dropped due to house equity - and for the court order to be drafted up etc, only for her to refuse to sign it. I really have been more than generous. I want nothing more for it to be fair, and right now it really doesn''t feel that way. Still if the courts would just see the figure i earn and she would get it all anyway, not much i can do i guess.
Our financial positions are very similar and like you I had to take on all the debt- BUT the house was ordered to sell and I will be getting 30% + 20K charge once it does.
I can tell you now that debt is good, but once this whole thing is over its like a noose around the neck. Even on a high wage that amount is crippling AND will take forever to pay back as the interest will be racking up.
You need your equity released or you will never be able to pay back the debt and start over. If you are older- even better, as you can argue that a mesher would prohibit you from ever purchasing a home as in 7-10 years time you wont be able to get a mortgage. ALSO the house surasses her needs. this is also VERY important.
You dont need to be generous- the courts will do that. Just make sure you look after yourself.