Just after a bit of perspective and advice as my head feels like it is going to explode with thoughts and worry.
To try to summarise, I left my then 14 year marriage (now separated 2 years, controlling and abusive marriage, divorce Nisi granted)I couldn''t afford to stay and pay mortgage as I was part time, primary carer with 2 children under 12. I arranged for rental house with help from benefits for me and 2 children but they never came with me and stayed in former family home with Ex.
We have a court date soon to sort out finanical affairs. We have a joint loan, mortgage and overdraft as joint liabilites. As well as high personal credit cards that I incurred during the marriage. Ex always believed in spend now pay later when his pension comes through.
I have not received any money or payment in any form from my ex since I left and now pay him child maintenance along with servicing the credit cards that I have built up including a high balance transfer from one of his. He has been and still is the higher earner despite me now managing to find full time work.
I am just so worried about how I am going to pay any of this debt off. Our only asset is the house but with the kids living there I am told the court will not enforce a sale. I understand this and the kids are the important one''s here. I am just going out of my mind with worry as nearly all my salary is taken up with basic living costs and debt repayments. I have not got any spare money to pay our joint liabilities. I am in regular contact to explain the situation with the creditors and have had numerous income and expenditure checks. It just feels like after 14 years of supporting and building a house home and children I am going to be left with a pile of debt and nothing else and that I have no idea how I am going to pay off.
You really need to talk to someone who specialises in debt. Check your CAB and make an appointment with the debt specialist there.
The debts will be taken into account when finances are sorted but it would be useful for you to have a plan to deal with them. Whatever you do, don't agree to consolidate joint debt into your sole name.
Is there much equity in the house? Would your stbx be able to increase the mortgage??
There is equity in the house that even if it did not cover all the debt it would reduce it a fair bit and make it more manageable.
My stbx is on a DMP himself so I don't think the mortgage provider would agree to an increase in mortgage. It is already on interest only. I also doubt that they would agree on this basis to remove me from the mortgage either which is what I would want.
How do we repay joint debt without having them in our sole name? He regularly defaults on repayments,spends beyond his means and then sends me abusive emails saying I am not paying enough. I just want an end to this cycle and abuse.
To add, you mention that your ex spent now and intended to repay with his pension - this indicates that he does have a private pension which is also an asset of the marriage, so it is not correct that the house is your only asset.
This will also be considered when dividing up the assets and liabilities.