Starting a seperation

ages;
I am 37, she is 38

Kids;
2 kids, 10 and 8

How many nights the children spend with each parent;
Still in progress. Best case, it's going to be 4 nights with her and 3 with me. Worst case she quits her job and moves in with her parents 300 miles away

Married for nearly 14 years

incomes;
I'm on 2000 to 2200 net a month, she is on around 700. All my salary goes into the joint account. She usually contributes around 300 a month.

outgoings;
We make it to the end of every month more or less even. This includes a mortgage, car loan, utilities and groceries etc.

Assets;
We have a house and car, all the contents and around 3k in savings. Of this, 2k was given by her parents recently to help out with some other stuff which is happening to me. (My mum has cancer and I need to be able to go over to see her periodically) In the circumstances, I feel that I should return this.

Liabilities.
80k in the mortgage, 2 yrs left on a car loan.

We're right at the start of the seperation and looking to sort out who moves out and when and then start the whole legal process going. Things are still amicable at the moment but who knows how long that will last.

Any advice on how funding should be split during the seperation? It'll take me a while to get set up in a house so technically I'll have low outgoings for a while and am concerned this will screw up any future settlements.

Thanks for any replies.

firkin,

Welcome to wiki. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now. I hope you can keep things amicable.

As far as sorting out money goes, the first thing is for your stbx to make sure she has claimed tax credits etc as a single parent. You can be separated even if you are still living in the same house.

You will need to pay 20% of your net income for 2 children - but this can be reduced once care is sorted and you know how many days they are staying over with you.

You need to sort out what your housing needs are - and how they may possibly be funded. You do not say what gender the children are but you each "need" 2 bedrooms if they are the same gender and three if they aren't. Have a good look at possible options - including shared ownership etc. Work out what size mortgage each of you can get and check out rental costs.

How much equity is there in the house?

When you have done some research and got tax credits etc organised, you will know what you each have - and what you need. Then you can work out if you have the means to fund it. If you don't, it will be the parent with care whose housing needs are met first ... your entitlement to a lump sum may be delayed while they are brought up. This is called a Mesher Order.

The important thing is to keep talking - and put the children first.

Hadenoughnow

Thanks for the reply H, it's good to hear some calm advice.

We've got a boy and a girl, I'm trying to sort out something short term which may just involve me moving into a room. If that's the case then I'd need access to our house for the days when I usually look after the kids. All very difficult at the moment, mainly due to long pregnant silences. The kids are being stars at the moment but I don't think they really appreciate how thing will go, we're just sleeping in seperate rooms at the moment.

After that we'd need to see about tidying the house up (a lot of paint and some other stuff) and then I think it may be able to sell for equity + around £80k, difficult to say as it's impossible to know which way the market will go. Long term, I'm not sure if my sbtx will want to move closer to her family - I can see the logic of it but it doesn't make it any easier. Given that, I think I may just look at renting at the moment. There's possibilities my job could offer overseas secondments for extended periods. If it does, I think I would jump at them at the mo.

At the moment, we've got a joint account which all my money goes into and it pays for everything. We've also got a joint credit card in my name which is used for all monthly expenses and is paid off each month (cashback card). I think the first thing I've got to do is organise a personal account and sort out what happens with the joint account.