is calculator right?

this is my first post,so if im acting thick pls forgive me!i did the calc test it came out 60/40 and he is to pay me 700 odd pounds in s.m.i dont have any info about his pension only its being going about 7 ish years what ever he puts in the company puts in the same ,so i dont think that will be much,can i offset the s.m. from the mortgage and how much would it and pension be worth in £s?im worried sick i will lose my home its in my name i put deposit down and i have allways paid mortgage(only £110)i have only just come out of hospital with all the shock,so i feel i cant take much more,he is being unreasonable so no help there,also if my daughter lives with me will the money she gives me count as a income? if you could help me with this i will be very grateful

Hello Smoker!

Good job you sent me a private message as I don't tend to visit the calculator part of this forum!

Well, I need to be careful here but if the house is in your name and you can prove you have paid the mortgage then this will go in your favour. However, basically I would sit tight and do NOTHING. It will cost you nothing to do NOTHING! What would you be "fighting" for? A pension?

If either party in a divorce/potential divorce does nothing then it means the other person has to make the first move - just like a game of chess!

To answer your question about your daughter's contribution to you - then yes, if it goes to court it would be considered a "contribution" and therefore part of the assets. However, if you do not have a lot of assets worth fighting for - don't bother! The house is in your name - unless your ex starts the ancillary relief process then it will remain that way. Are you divorced yet? It may seem a silly question - but I was divorced a year before my ex started ancillary relief and that was because I had our youngest living with me and did nothing about selling the JOINTLY owned property - he would not part with any of his pension so I just did - NOTHING!

Sleep well... on the lighter side of things - Horlicks helps! and hey, I'm sure your daughter is a great comfort to you so feel lucky... if you have a pound in your pocket, food in your tummy and a daughter for a friend then you are rich!!

thank you so much elizabeth,im off to have my 1st meeting with a solicitor tomorrow,pls god i get legal aid!im starting things cus i cant take the stress anymore im on the edge i have health problems and this is making me werse,i just want it over, i never thought this would happen,im still in shock i think.thanks again x

elizabeth you were so right!!!went to have 1st apt with solicitor,iv started divorce,but she said what you said... do nothing, wait for him to make a move,he probably thinks i will do it, then go for mediation and he wont get a solicitor. one thing she did say was that i needed to make a will,never did it before,because if i died now,he would get MY house and my daughter would not get anything,so i will be flapping untill i get that done!oh and the best thing i got legal aid:woohoo:......its been a very sad day though ,spent most of day crying,but its got to be done......... thanks again xx

Hi Smoker,

Just logged in - haven't read my messages yet... I'm glad you have got something clear in your mind having been to solicitor and qualified for legal aid. Was a bit confused though when I read you have started divorce proceedings - why not wait for him to do it? That way you will save on costs, despite getting legal aid.

I understand your sadness and crying is a release, it won't seem like it now but it will lessen.

Yes making a will is very important, although once the divorce becomes final I think any will made becomes null and void (or it may be that jointly made will becomes null and void, I'm not sure). Anyway, if that's what your solicitor advises it will be right.

I am having to do the same, I am looking into it on line at the moment.

Keep your chin up! Remember the Horlicks!!

hello elizabeth,my reason for going for the divorce is that,since he left me at xmas he has lead me a dance.he has had all the control,i thought he was having a breakdown,(i ended up in hospital)i felt sorry for him!i even went with him to dr.s,i have begged him to tell me what is wrong,sometimes he has spoken, sometimes not,he said he would phone or come over and not bothered,and the lies he has told, oh!the list goes on and on and on......i just wanted to get back a small bit of self respect to be able to say "well i dont want you!" and try and plan for some sort of life....a life im trying hard to see,and im not having him divorce me!!!!after all he has put me, my daughter,and family through.you might think im mad...maybe i am but i feel i had to do it......sorry elizabeth horlicks makes me heave!..sorry!x

Hello Smoker,

Totally understand now! I had a similar thing with my ex - I'm sure he went through a breakdown after his redundancy - and boy has he treated me badly since he left and of course just before. Deceitful - I've never known anything like it - he has split up our two children taking one of them (the eldest was just coming up 12 when he took him) 300 miles away. He has lied and deceived/blagged - I could have divorced him on many counts but left it to him - after 20 years with this man I don't know him.

I don't think you're mad at all - you have dignity and self respect and that's a very good starting point for you looking forward to a happier life.

Options maybe?!