Financial Options

Hello,

I would appreciate any guidance on financial options availble in my situation.
I am looking to divorce, grounds Unreasonable behaviour. He''s still in denial and won''t move out of family home. after initially agreeing that the children would stay with me, he is now stating that he won''t let me have the children as I won''t be able to support them financially.
We had our 1st mediation meeting yesterday.

Ages: Me 48, Him 50
3 children: 15, 14 & 9
Married 22yrs, co-habited 2yrs prior
Salary: Me 12k, Him 58k
Assets: Family home joint ownership 365k, mortagage outstanding 165k
CETV: Me 50k, Him 315k
Liabilities:Credit card debts: 18k


After reading up on here, and other sites, I thought it best to go through mediation first to agree money and the childrens care, before getting solicitors involved to start divorce formally.
After meeting yesterday and the homework set i.e each talk to financial advisors and see what sort of mortagage you can each get if you sold family home, and look at how much rental will cost.
I obviously cannot get anything on such a low salary, mortgage wise. Now I''m confused and afraid. The children need me and now I will have to go to solicitors as mediators are indicating to him that I won''t be able to afford to financially keep the children, by this homework.
Yet, I''ve worked out (and advised him) that with my salary, CM, & tax credits, it will be tight but do-able, for me to stay with children in Family home.
It doesn''t tally with what I understood mediation is about, they were to show us our options with our full finacial disclosure before them, but said each case is different.
Any help would really be appreciated.

Many thanks

Aria

Aria, welcome to Wiki. You will find a lot of information and support here.

I think perhaps your mediator should have explained more clearly. The idea is to work out how your respective needs can be met from the available marital pot. Those needs are for housing and income - and for the future.

Bear in mind these are needs and not wants. A home need not be owned. Money that was housing one family unit will now have to house two.

In your case the strict need is for a 3-4 bed property. His need would be the same if he is to have staying contact with the children. If there is not enough money (with mortgage) to buy two properties then the parent with care has priority. The other party may not be able to release equity at this point but may get it later via a charge on the property.

The question here is how much it would cost to meet your housing need. What would a 3-4 bed house cost to buy? How much would renting a similar place cost?

This will help you work out how to divide up the available pot.

With such a large mortgage, staying in the FMH is unlikely to be a viable option. If you could be housed for less and reduce the monthly costs then you should be.

You may indeed be able to get a small mortgage. You say your income is 12k. Is that earned income or does it include tax credits etc? You will get cm at 25% of his net income (with reductions for his overnights). Some lenders will take this into account.

I hope this has clarified things a bit. Have a good look round the site and ask questions. There are some posts stickied at the top of the property and mortgages section that you may find helpful.

Hadenoughnow

Thankyou Hadenoughnow.

I had hoped to cause as little disruption to the childrens lives as possible.
To move house on top of the Divorce would be even harder on them. Again I''m trapped.
3 bed houses average 275k+ to stay near their schools. I wouldn''t be able to get a mortgage to buy one. Renting would be 1k+ pm
certainly less than the mortgage, but the upheaval to the children. Damned if I do and damned if I don''t.

I appreciate that you don''t want to move. If you could both agree then it may be possible to stay in the FMH but he would need to pay sm plus cm to pay for it and this may not be affordable if he also has to rent.
You could still have a joint mortgage on a new property and he could have a charge on it. If doing this would discharge the credit card debts and reduce monthly costs, it may be an option to consider so the children have some security and he can afford a reasonable property.

Hadenoughnow

I wasn''t aware that I would be entitled to SM.
With my salary + Tax credits + CM, I would get in hand about the same as he would have a month after CM deduction. Which is enough to cover the mortgage and exist for the children and me. He would easily be able to afford to rent, and have lots left for himself.

If we had no debts would that alter the situation, financially? or is it the size of the mortgage that is the approach of having to sell the house and renting for me and the kids and him being able to get a mortgage on a new property for himself? Where do pensions come into the equation then, as the Mediator said that this was a big asset.

I had hoped to keep the house on and sell it when youngest had finished her education. Releasing the equity for us both at that point. If he is agreeable of course. Thereby mainting the FMH at least until all the children were safely supported into there own careers.

Many Thanks for your help.

Aria

I understand about not wanting to uproot the children but paying a big mortgage and maintaining a large house is a huge commitment. That needs to balanced against being able to afford to do and buy things with and for the children whilst they are growing up.

Divorce settlements are all about balance. It''s not realistic to keep the children living in a FMH that is larger than required whilst expecting the other spouse to live in rented accommodation.

Pensions don''t provide ready cash so they may be treated differently from other assets. A pension fund can be shared or it''s possible to offset the value of the pension, or some of it, against other assets such as the equity in the FMH. Then it is usual for there to be some discounting in the value of the pension.

Thankyou for your help.

I was in no position with no income and 3 little children several years ago when he had his affair to divorce him.
It appears the same is true again. Still trapped by the childrens needs.

I''ve obviously misunderstood some of the articles and meaning of Mesher regarding divorcing.