where to begin

Hi All, my husband ahs moved out of the home but has a lovel 7 berth caravan & jeep and a healthy income every month. He has bought a permanant pitch in germany as he has friends there, and is planning to go over at the end of august. He has just come back from a 2 month visit starting June. He did originally move out in May. He has told me to get a job as I am not entitled to any of his income. Also he wants half the house (it is in my name)but he will pay for my 15yr old daughter. When I met him I owned a house, car and had a very good career. I gave it all up when we started a family and he wanted us all to go travelling - and so was my life for the last 15 yrs. Now the kids are grown up he wanted me to travel with him but my daughter is only 15 and to be honest, I''d had enough of travelling and wanted to kickstart my career again. I''ve always lived how he wanted as any arguments resulted in him threatening to leave, but now I want to do what I want and his threats don''t touch me anymore. He even tried to commit suicide a few months ago, but got no sympathy and so moved out. He still thinks he can come and go when he wants even though I''ve asked him to arrange times, but it''s like he still wants to do what he wants, when he wants. Any ideas on what I can do and a fair financial settlement. I can''t just go out and get a good job again as I haven''t worked for 18 years due to travelling. Many thanks

I suppose you have to acknowledge that yours is a slight unusual case. I see you haven''t had a reply, and this is probably due to the problems I will outline. Still, I suppose I can try.
I''m surprised he has a high income - a rolling stone gathers no moss, as the saying goes.
You have obviously chosen to sacrifice your own earning potential to accompany him on his travels, and to some extent a Court might take this into account. Your basic need is housing, for yourself and your daughter. He will of course have to pay child support for her.
But I really do wonder where his income comes from, how stable or reliable it is, and what he has in the way of realisable assets. You clearly need something to get a roof over your head, and it''s quite possible that you may need to rely on benefits, at least initially.
It''s quite hard to advise without this information ; it''s easy enough to deal with the husband who has a regular income, but when you''re dealing with a rolling stone it''s somewhat more difficult.
LMM

My husband gets a private army pension (had this before I met him) and an army disability pension. He has never worked since I met him and I have cared for him all our marriage but he''s more able than he lets on. He also gets benefits like carers allowance etc relating to his condition. He thinks everyone owes him something. Thanks for the reply by the way. I had free 1/2hr consultation friday and wasn''t too impressed as solicitor told me he could come and go as he pleased and could move back in anytime (he is waiting for a knee op and I think he may move in after this op so I will look after him) He''s cleared out joint account and solicitor said if he did move back in I would have to take him to court for money towardhis keep? Also I need to start divorce proceedings and reach a financial settlement before divorce will be finalised. He seems to still want control over my life by coming and going when he wants. If I stay in the house I''ll never be rid of him. help.

I cant help on the legal advice but with regarad to the knee op ''look after him'' - why? If you dont want to, don''t.

Yes, that is difficult if you are in same house and atmosphere will be unpleasant (not good for your daughter), but stand your ground. Have lived in same house now for 18mths and do nothing for stbx apart from very kindly explaining how washing machine worked.

I do keep ''communal'' areas clean as cant stand not to but think his bedroom and bathroom have possibly not been cleaned in the 18mth period (eugghhh). Even have separate fridges and cooking stuff - and if he leaves his stuff unwashed it ends up in bin (small effort on my part - but worth it).

Treat it as a house share without the friendliness.

does you stbx contribute to the household expenses as mine has cleared account & not paid a penny for any maintenance.Solicitor told me I would have to put in for maintenance but how long would this take? didn''t know it would be so hard to start again.

We pay half basic household bills each, he was paying most when we ''split'' but I worked out half and paid that to him (keeping a record of the payments so that I could prove I had not ''lived'' off him in any way. After that it is each to their own. I pay for clothes and activities for my son and school meals and trips etc. While we are in same house I will continue to do so. When all sorted it will depend on what time he spends whith whom with regard to any child maintenance. Advice is always to ''stay put'' until finanes are formally sorted but you need to be a hard tough cookie to stick with it longer term. I sometimes surprise myself even .......

I am sorry to have to tell you - but your solicitor''s advice is correct in my opinion.
If you want to exclude him you have to look at the possibility of divorce. If you remain married it will be difficullt, if not impossible, to exclude his from the marital home. Of course, if he was beating you up or something like that, it would be possible to have him excluded. The Courts, however, will not do that without a reason.
If one of you decides you want a divorce, and I suspect from what you told me he probably does not, then to my mind the principal issue is housing and where you are going to live.
That consideration involves an examination of what your respective incomes are now and what assets you both have. It may be that one or even both of you may have to rely on benefits if you divorce.
It would in all probability involve an examination of your pension rights. I personally do not advise on pensions, but I know there are special considerations concerning service pensions. From what you say he obviously has a disability and that fact needs to be taken on board as part of the process.
I think it is reasonable to take a look at your position. You know what it is now. I sometimes say this, that divorce is often looked upon as the answer to problems. In fact, it may be swapping one set of problems for another. It''s reasonable to try and get a broad idea of what your position post-divorce might be and then decide which of the two situations you prefer.

LMM