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Mediation deadlock - how to break it?

  • ayeayecapn
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12 Oct 12 #360592 by ayeayecapn
Topic started by ayeayecapn
Hi all,

I first posted something about this here. www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...agree-settlement.htm

I now have a financial update and wanted some clarification and help as to how best represent my offer in mediation.

I still believe my offer is very generous but my x2b doesn''t agree. I tried to explain it whilst out for an ''informal financial settlement'' meal and tried again in mediation. X2b not budging.

Whilst the Divorce Calculator shows a much better outcome for me than I''m offering I''m aware that the results might need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Here are the details again. With the updated financial information.

W. 42
H. 45
Married 18 years
lived together 3 yrs prior to marriage
1 child in primary school
H.in MH. W paying mortgage. W with child renting flat locally.
W has child 6 nights. H has child min 1 nights (sometimes 2 or 3. Flexible arrangements)
W earns c. £65K
H earns c.7K (self employed)
H. did more childcare and housework prior to school (initially 2 days a week then 1 day a week)
W didnt want to go back to work. H didn''t want to do part time work but both parties did so for sake of relationship etc.
H. pension c. 25k
W. pension c. £221,500
Capital in MH after costs and debts repaid. c. £280k

Settlements suggestions have been........

W. suggests 50:50 capital split, no pension share, no maintenance payments and no formal agreement on child contact.
H. suggests 50:50 capital split and pension.
60:40 capital split with no pension share or maintenance.

H. currently has no mortgage capacity so would have to buy outright. (Small 1 bed flat approx £160k locally)

W says no to 60:40 split option and no to 50:50 split & pension share.

Divorce Calculator suggests a 60/40 asset split (capital and pension) in favour of W with W also paying c. £1000 a month maintenance to H. H doesn''t want maintenance, just Clean Break. W doesn''t want to pay maintenance

I''m trying to look at it fairly as opposed to ''who can get what''.

H already said happy to have small 1 bed flat (as opposed to a ''need'' for a 2 bed) in an area further away than current location. H feels concessions made on his side whilst W won''t budge.

To be totally transparent W has offered H the better of the 2 cars worth around £1100.

Chattels are split about 70/30 in W favour. With agreement.

As a reminder, my question is: How can I ''sell'' my offer as the best option, cheaper, quicker and in the interests of x2b?

Your wisdom is welcome. Thank you.

  • sulkypants
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12 Oct 12 #360635 by sulkypants
Reply from sulkypants
Simple answer is if there is no agreement there is no Consent Order, and you have deadlock.

You will have to go on to a FDR expensive so get your OWP in as soon as possible in order to save costs.

The calculator is not very good.

You wont need a 2 bed property if your child only stays one night just a good bed settee.

Why are your earning so low? Is there any chance you could increase your earning capacity.

What are her childcare costs.

  • ayeayecapn
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12 Oct 12 #360663 by ayeayecapn
Reply from ayeayecapn
Thanks Sulkypants,

Don''t know what OWP is. Please explain?

Quite a lot of people say calculator not too good. I wonder if it can be improved?

Yes, I suggested a sofabed as a solution in mediation. Mainly because I''m not being given the 50:50 access we originally agreed and it saves costs. It''s a good suggestion.

Yes, my earning capacity could go up. But slowly and to nowhere near the levels my x2b would wish.
It''s been this low for a number of years, for a few reasons.
1. The type of business I do needs quite a commitment to investment in equipment. This has been done piecemeal over the years but its kept profits v. low as a result. Further investment still required.
2. I''ve been splitting my time doing pre-school childcare whilst trying to run the business. Kind of worked at the time but now we''ve spilt I''m at a financial disadvantage.
3. Economic conditions are flippin'' hard. Competition is fierce. My effectively part time work has meant I''m now trying to rebuild any disadvantage and its hard graft.
4. Sadly succumbed to depression. This hasn''t helped at all.

W has childcare costs of approx £120 -£160 a month. (Can''t recall exact figure, but think it''s in that range) Bought tax efficiently as vouchers through her work and used on childminder on set days during the week. We share other school drop off and pick ups

  • Lostboy67
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12 Oct 12 #360668 by Lostboy67
Reply from Lostboy67
There are one or two thoughts....

1) Forget what the Calculator told you....it has some strange ideas at times...

2) While you wife could put into the concent ordre there is no child maintenance after a year you can go direct to the CSA

3) Forget % they are not helpful....given what assets there are to dispose of how can the be divided to give you both somewhere to live.

4) Don''t concider the sofabed option...effectivly this will not be something your child will want to do and could result in them reducing their contact long term, effectivly you are being financially bullied into being less of a parent.

Why are you not able to remain in the FMH certainly for the interim.

Looking at the figures, the split should be in your favour, with possibly Spousal Maintenance. You could offer a 70:30 split and to leave her pension alone.


  • ayeayecapn
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12 Oct 12 #360704 by ayeayecapn
Reply from ayeayecapn
Thanks Lostboy67,

1. Will do. Needs a fix doesn''t it?

2. Understood

3. Trouble is everyone seems to talk %. I guess it makes things easier. I understand your point though. We both need somewhere to live. X2b looking for large 3 bed in smart area and I''m looking at tiny 1 bed in grotty area. Was hoping for more equality property wise.

4. I offered the sofabed option as a conciliation to me having a smaller property (1 bed). As there''s no reciprocation on anything I''m beginning to wonder if I should change my mind and look at 2 bed prices.

I want an ''out of court'' settlement but don''t want to be disadvantaged in the short or long term.

Still don''t know what OWP is. Even Dr Google not shedding much light on a definition.

Can anyone explain?

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