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What to do next, is my offer fair?

  • jue2013
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1 year 3 weeks ago #507445 by jue2013
What to do next, is my offer fair? was created by jue2013

Looking for a bit of advice on what to do next.

Me: 44 years old, salary £16810
Ex: 5o years old, salary £31000

Marriage: 4 years 3 months at time of divorce.

1 child from marriage, age 3 years. Ex has son from previous relationship, age 19.

Assets: House, in ex-husbands name as it was his when we married and we didn't get round to changing it. I sold mine when we married and the equity I got from it was spent on our matrimonial home and paying bills whilst I was on maternity leave.

I have a pension but my solicitor advised that he cannot claim it as he filed for the decree [url=Glossary/General/Absolute.html ]absolute[/url] too soon. He has no pension.

Currently I live in the house with both children. Husband left by choice 2½ years ago and filed for divorce. He applied for and was granted decree absolute in December 2018 despite not having sorted the financial settlement. He is supposed to pay the mortgage in lieu of maintenance whilst divorce was sorted. He pays nothing else for our child or his son from a previous relationship. I pay all the other bills. He has gotten in arrears with mortgage which I had to sort out. He has lots of credit card debit and has defaulted on loan payments twice (all debts are his own and most built up since he left).

Originally I was looking into taking the mortgage off him and he was going to leave his equity in the house until our child leaves school but twice this year I have had bailiffs knocking on the door looking for him for unpaid parking and bus lane fines. I am no longer wanting to be financially connected to him in any way. I have been to find out what mortgage I can get and put to him the offer of 60% - 40% in my favour for the equity of the house from selling and going our separate ways. This would allow me to buy a home for myself and our 3 year old (not in the town we live as it's too expensive, so have to move a few miles away where it is more affordable). He is not happy with that and wanted more than 50%. He has tried to drag his feet on selling the house and I have ended up doing all the work (painting, DIY etc) that is required to get the house ready for sale.

I have had to give up some of my hours at work since having our child, as it is a 1½ hour commute and there are not enough hours in the day to travel and do a full days work as I have to take our child to nursery and pick her up. I am over £12K a year down on my salary. I have also been subsidising my step-sons living expenses for 2½ years whilst he was at college and now on an apprenticeship. My ex-husband has paid nothing for his son in that time. He is living with his parents and is not paying them any rent. He has never had our child overnight or for a full day.

Am I being reasonable with my 60/40 offer? I'm unsure what to do next, as I don't want to spend £££ on solicitors. Would financial mediation be the way to go? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you:unsure:

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1 year 2 weeks ago #507449 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:What to do next, is my offer fair?
Hard to say as we don't know what the 60/40 relates to but given the disparity in incomes and a child being involved it could well be.

The priority will be housing you and the three year old so the split will need to achieve this.

19 year old should be paying his own way.

You need to sort out maintenance for the three year old. If you can't come to an amicable agreement, which seems unlikely or you would have done by now, apply yo CMS.

Not sure what your solicitor is on about regarding pensions so may be worth checking your understanding.

Post details of all assets and someone can comment.

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