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Disabled and life drastically changed

  • savoury
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10 Feb 08 #13429 by savoury
Topic started by savoury
I think I posted this in the wrong place and it needs to be here sp sorry about that moderators!

Can anyone advise please, I feel desperate.
My marriage of 8 years just ended when my husband decided all in one day that he didnt love me and that he didnt want this way of life - no affairs either side. No build up just decided and left same day. He is now in house share accomodation at £200 a month all utlilities paid. He earns take home approx £1180 a month. He didnt leave me any money.
I am on disablement allownace, dla low rate, child tax credit and income support. Before he left he paid everything to do with the house. I paid for all kids (3) stuff and personal stuff because they are his stepkids.
Apart from me paying 2 weeks food a month he paid everything else. I have personal debts credit card, catalogues etc etc. My new income since he left is going up less than £30 a week to make up for the £700 odd he spent monthly! Can he do this to me and 3 stepkids? Our lives have been shattered finacially by it. It is going to affect both myself and the kids drastically. For a start I attened a group twice a week amongst other things. This is now going to cost me £22 in taxis because I have a public transport phobia. Thats just one of the small things. Husband would normally take me there and back. There are so many things that now have to stop. Is this just a fact of life and I should just accept because it is adding insult to injury and the process is very painful for me. Be grateful for advice. Not yet got a solicitor he only been gone 2 weeks but he definatelt isnt coming back.
Thank

  • mike62
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11 Feb 08 #13489 by mike62
Reply from mike62
savoury,
Sorry to hear of your troubles. I am no expert at all, but as nobody else has answered your post, I will give it a try!
It is devastating when a partner leaves, particularly unexpectedly. The emotions are all over the place. Millions of unanswered questions whizzing around in your head. Why? what now? How can I? how will I? what about? and so on.
OK, what to do? First thing is to get a handle on your immediate needs.

How old are your children? At the very least he needs to pay child maintenance for them, assuming they are under 18 or 19 and in full time education.

For 1 = 15% of nett income 2 = 20%, 3 = 25%

As to your home - is it rented? or mortgaged? or owned outright?

If it is mortgaged, is he paying the mortgage? If not, have you contacted the lender to explain the circumstances?

You say you have personal debts - of your own, or joint? If they are joint, he has to pay. If they are personal, it depends on the nature of them.

If you are ocnvinced that he has gone for good and there is no way back, then you should petition him for divorce.

There are 3 key stages in divorce - petitioning (actually applying for the divorce), the Decree Nisi (the halfway point) and the Decree Absolute (where it is final and complete)

Once you reach the Decree Nisi stage, you can apply for ancillary relief, which is the process of separating the finances. You can also apply for an interim maintenance order, to tide you over until the finances are fully resolved.

THe ancillary relief process takes account of the needs of both you and your children, as well as the needs of your husband.

Your children's needs are of paramount importance to the court, and also your disability will play a significant part in how the assets are split, and what maintenance may be payable by him to you.

The ancillary relief process can only take place once you have petitioned and received your Decree Nisi

See the wikivorce step by step guide to divorce:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Step-By-Step-D...de/Introduction.html

Don't worry, the law will take care of you and your needs. But remember that your husbands needs are also taken into account. You can't get a gallon out of a pint pot.

I would suggest that you try to get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor to see what your best way forward is.

Best of luck - it is a very hard time, financially and emotionally. Be strong for your children

Mike

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11 Feb 08 #13492 by dukey
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Hello Savoury
I also am sorry to hear your problems Mike always gives good advice he helped me so think about his advice a couple of other things that might help
make an appiontment with the cab (go on sprc you could have a long wait) they can advise you on benifits you may get now your liveing allowance has all but gone.
When you go for your free half hour with the sol write down the questions you needs answers to, if your time runns out visit another sol for a free half hour.
Try not to let the bills biuld up if you cant pay the credit card bill contact them explain whats happened and get the monthly payment reduced if poss same for the catalogue.
Im quite sure you feel alone and lost at the moment use wikivorce for advice and support from other users it does help, im sure other users will offer more advice and support soon i hope things improve quickley, dukey

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11 Feb 08 #13493 by dukey
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Hello Savoury
I also am sorry to hear your problems Mike always gives good advice he helped me so think about his advice a couple of other things that might help
make an appiontment with the cab (go on sprc you could have a long wait) they can advise you on benifits you may get now your liveing allowance has all but gone.
When you go for your free half hour with the sol write down the questions you needs answers to, if your time runns out visit another sol for a free half hour.
Try not to let the bills biuld up if you cant pay the credit card bill contact them explain whats happened and get the monthly payment reduced if poss same for the catalogue.
Im quite sure you feel alone and lost at the moment use wikivorce for advice and support from other users it does help, im sure other users will offer more advice and support soon i hope things improve quickley, dukey

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11 Feb 08 #13506 by savoury
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Thank you Mike and Dukey
As I find it hard to travel I am having a consultation by phone with CAB hopefully tomorrow. We have 80 tropical fish. A dog Gerbils...know it sounds stupis but he wanted these and has just left me to keep them. The kids are not his so thats a non starter. I just cant believe that a amn can keep you in a lifestyle for 8 yrs and then say one day...change ur lifestyle. Council house. No savings either side. he earns £20000+ annum I on disabilty benefits and the obvious benfits. I had personal debts and paid for kids and me mostly...he paid 'everything' to do with he house. My increase of £20 odd a week will never ever make up for the massive shortfall. I already have got a debt counsellor and got all my benfits sorted. Its our lifestyle I suppose and the fact that I relied on him in so many ways being disabled. Not a penny from him since he left.
Now I am hearing of spousal maintenance and my question is 'do i fall into this bracket'?

Thanks

Thanks again

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11 Feb 08 #13511 by mike62
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Well, I'm sure that you won't have to resort to eating the tropical fish just yet! (Even if you wanted to) ;)
The children, even though they are not his ARE children of the marriage. Unless you are getting maintenance from their natural father for them, he DOES have some liability there.
Spousal Maintenance is determined by the needs of the parties and the parties ability to pay. He is not earning megabucks, but nevertheless, he has obligations. If you were to petition for divorce, you could apply straight away for an interim order for maintenance, before the Decree Nisi is reached. This is an 'emergency' award to you against him to get you through the short term crisis until financial matters can be fully resolved. Spousal Maintenance might also be payable later.
See what CAB tell you. Batten down the hatches financially. Don't take on ANY more debt or credit.
Let us know what happens with CAB
Mike

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11 Feb 08 #13537 by savoury
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I will, thank you. Childrens father has always paid mainteneance - a pittance lol, hes only part time taxi driver!
Thanks again

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