I like you and i really don''t know why!!!
I am trying to make you understand. Yes, I see that she was a nasty piece of work humiliating you when you went back, but you did have the affair and she was pretty humiliated as well.
As for the nails - so what? Cant she have her nails done? Fresh flowers too, no harm in that.
It sounds as like you would like to stick her in a council house and have done with her!
She is angry with you, hurt, cross, in time it will soften, but not for a good while. She sees it as though you have the easy life, new partner, sex on demand while she has all the drudgery.
3,500 a month is hardly a council estate salary. What I want is the ability to get back on the property ladder so I can secure a retirement for myself. I dont think that is a lot to ask.
She can have whatever she likes- she has more than enough money to do it. But I need to think about myself too. The past 10 months have all been about the kids, and trying to maintain some sort of communication with her. I have gone into debt doing so and I will fare no better in court for going above and beyond my duty.
My life has been far from easy, I have been stressed over money, my kids, and my job for as long as I can remember...
All i want is a chance to start over. Its not much to ask for
Somuch cant be expected to maintain his wife for ever just because he has a good wage.
£3.500 is nearly a £1k more than I earn working full time!!
From what I have read on these posts, all somuch is asking is that his ex takes some responsibility for herself and realise that money has to be earned.
I can understand the upset of moving home etc for the children, but hopefully they will learn a valuable lesson. In life you shouldnt rely on someone else to provide for you. You should always be self reliant.
Self reliant I totally agree and this is what I teach my girls.
But a married couple have their own arrangements. In this case, the mother worked part time and the father worked long full time hours which enabled the family to lead a very good life.
Upon a divorce a court would not expect the lower earner to go into poverty or even a normal standard a living after a long marriage when the other partner has a very good standard of living.
As regards children, yes income is derived from them but kids cost and that is income for a household of 4, 2 of whom are teenagers and one a growing child with all thaat such ages involve.
What two people agree to do in their marriage is their business, but this couple have been together 20 odd years and just because one wants out does not mean that fairness should not be achieved.
This lady clearly workes with agreement of her husband part time hours and I am sure she will not take too kindly to be told, tough, I want another woman, I am divorcing you and you HAVE to work more hours. Although a court would encourage the wife to work longer hours they would not enforce it.
That is indeed so jaymdee but this is a very high income household - some 90k net if you count both incomes and exclude CB.
Lifestyle is considered when finances are divided and although inevitably there will be some changes on divorce, it should not impact one party significantly more than the other - and especially not the children.
Bear in mind that the stbx here will have 3500 inc tax credits etc for all her costs including the 3 children. The OP will have around 4k(once CM etc is paid and after his travel to work costs are covered) and no additional costs relating to the children. He would also keep all of his pension.
The stbx''s income is going to be largely child-related and will reduce significantly as they reach maturity - both through loss of CB and tax credits AND reductions in maintenance. It will be her choice whether to work more to maintain the lifestyle she then has. She will need to sell and downsize to provide herself with a pension in later life. The OP''s income would increase as his commitment to pay maintenance diminishes and as he pays off his own debts. He would not have to pay the joint debt - that would be cleared from the marital pot.
The solution I have suggested gives the OP the opportunity to get back on the housing ladder - he would be freed from any joint mortgage and would have a deposit sufficient to buy a place equivalent to that where the stbx and children live (albeit clearly much less luxurious than the present FMH).