how long have you been separated? It can take some time for people to come to terms with the fact that life will not be the same as it was whilst married. You may also find there are friends and family in the background telling her that you must maintain her standard of living, pay for a house etc. etc.
I note you say that you can provide childcare if she gives you some ''custody'' of the children. I also note that you say grandparents are able to help out. Is it too much to ask grandparents to help out regardless of who the children are living with? You may find your wife more willing to discuss and do her bit from a work point of view if she thinks that you''re not about to use her working as an excuse to ''take'' the children from her.
I think childcare would have to be something you agreed between you - and as I said, I doubt that the mother of such young children would be expected to work until the youngest is at school.If she would agree to take a part time job, that would make a big difference especially if she worked enough hours to claim tax credits.
MIF is quite right. This is about NEEDs and not wants.
Your stbx needs a 3 bed home and income for her and the children. As do you.
If there are two marital properties, is there any reason why you cannot have one each? Or sell one to fund the purchase of another? Or if they are in her sole name, why should you pay for both? She could sell one to pay repair costs or rent it out to provide income. This is a short marriage - albeit with two children who need a home at least until 18.
I am a bit unclear about the business loan ... Is it a loan FOR the business or FROM the business? If it is FROM the business and was for financing marital stuff then it needs to be counted in the assets (and debts) pot and could feasibly be paid off from the available assets.
Without having the financial information, it is impossible to advise you further.
Do bear in mind though that in both cases these were longer marriages. Also it seems different judges around the country take a very different approach. I would not expect you to have to permanently give up large amounts of capital assets but if necessary they would be used for as long as needed to house the children.
I bet she''s trying to squeeze you for £2250 to £2500 a month
Personally I think you are fecked until the youngest is 18.Believe me you really end up resenting the forking out free money to the ex misus.I couldn''t care a less what bloke you are Even St Francis of Assisi would be getting bollox ache with it.I''m six years in and I''m thinking feck me I''ve got another six years to go.
My advice give her both houses all of em and then try and get out clear of the spousal bit.
I mean who devised that head feck you''re gonna have to pay some woman that hates you and vice versa 40% of your take home ad infinitum.
Every day you have to get up and go to work and to earn £100k you don''t just show up.Every deal you have to do every sale every bit of sucking up to clients you know you''re doing it first of all to give £35k to the fecking tax man and then to fork out another 40% to the ex misus of your take home ggrrreeaaatttt!!!
meantime she''s sitting on her rse watching Jeremy Kyle pocketing the equivalent of a £40k a year salary.Not bad for pushing out a couple of sprogs.
But Yawn it''s such a hard job dropping them off for the nursery to look after for the morning then meeting up with the other mums in the afternoon.Sign me up for that job coz I found little kids a piece of pxss to look after.Especially when I was actually related to them.
All the best
Of all the posters so far Hadenoughnow is worth taking particular note of, i know Pete is the fountain of all knowledge but he can be a bit one dimensional.
40% is right at the top of what judges tend to award, and it is about needs not a list of wants judges can and do cut through income needs in form E, i remember one guy sending his wife`s income needs which included 3k per year for hand bags! he was a high earner and lots of people told him he was stuffed, he was pleasantly surprised at his final hearing and his ex threw a full on dicky fit, not that the judge took any notice.
Given your wife is young i would think it will be a term order probably until the kids are in big school.
Don`t focus just on SM its the big picture that counts, equity pension and income, the judge if it comes to it is trying to complete a jigsaw, all the pieces are there its just where to place them in the best way for the whole family.
Its important you speak to a decent solicitor and maybe even think about having a barrister report to give you some idea of what you should be aiming for.
Hopefully the mediator will be able to help you reach a settlement and avoid court.
HRH is right, she has mooted that £2250 is more appropriate to satisfy her needs. Which is fine, to a certain extent, however she is pushing that I should supply this need and any child tax/working credits be a bonus on top! I am very keen to resolve this out of court, but I am gradually losing confidence....
The overall circumstances are relevant and SM shouldn''t be seen in isolation. As a general rule of thumb the more capital is shared in favour of someone the less SM is paid.
For example, if the parent with the majority of care has a larger share of the equity from the former matrimonial home because they can only raise a small mortgage their mortgage payments will be less reducing their need of SM. The other spouse will have less equity so they will need to raise a larger mortgage so their monthly expenses are higher and their disposable income decreases reducing the ability to pay.