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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Maintaining my former-spouse...

  • dukey
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14 Jun 12 #336663 by dukey
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I take it you know your well in the bracket for spousal maintenance.

Go in with an open mind, and actually listen to the mediator, you''d be surprised how many go to mediation say oh that`s rubbish and find themselves in court thinking hang on that`s more or less what we were talking about months ago, but of course you have a whopping legal bill to pay.

Job number one, find out what your wife can claim in benefits, the CAB are very good for this, once you know what she can claim job number two is reasonable needs, go through them but don`t be tight, job three is how much do you need to live and not just next month long term, what you end up with is a number she needs and what you have left, if you can you meet the need.

The next question is how long do i pay.

A term order, this has a fixed end, try and agree an end say maybe when the kids go to big school.

A joint lives order, probably not relevant for you but if it is mentioned its no thank you very much ill have a term order.

The best way to handle this is to talk and talk some more, be calm be reasonable and hopefully the closest you`ll get to court is walking passed it while out shopping.

  • CastleBlayneyMan
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14 Jun 12 #336664 by CastleBlayneyMan
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Thanks Dukey,

you seem to have a Zen approach to this, much appreciated.

I will mediate!

  • hawaythelads
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14 Jun 12 #336667 by hawaythelads
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I reckon that on top of the £900 a month child maintenance they will double that up to approx £1800 ppcm.
All the best
HRH

  • hadenoughnow
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14 Jun 12 #336703 by hadenoughnow
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she is physically able to work, if she found a job and let me sort child care....


This line worries me a bit. I am sure you do not mean it but it does come across as a bit controlling. What do you mean by "sort childcare"?

Childcare for two children can be very expensive and many families find it outweighs the financial benefits of working. You may both have agreed that she should be a stay at home mum - at least for the first few years - especially given your income.

I don''t think a court would expect her to work with such young children ... and even when the youngest goes to school, I doubt there would be an expectation that she works any more than part time for a few years.Dukey is probably on the nail when he suggests SM would be probably at least until the youngest is at secondary school.

Her earning capacity will be another factor here. She may need to train or retrain and after some time out of the workplace may well not be able to earn at a significant level.

SM is, in any case, just part of the picture. How are she and the children to be housed? She needs a 3 bed place. Would that be the FMH or is it to big for her needs? How will a home be funded? Is there a mortgage to be paid as well as utilities etc?

You may retain a share of any property but may not be able to realise it until the children are older (18 or end of first degree).

Can she afford to live on CM (20% of net income - so circa 900 a month) plus benefits etc? Is it fair that she and the children should live on this while you have nearly 4k a month (less CM)?

Ages
Length of marriage (inc cohab)
Incomes (inc any benefits)
Children - ages, genders and arrangements for them
Value of FMH
Outstanding mortgage on FMH
Size of FMH
Pensions (CETVs if possible)
Other assets - savings, endowments etc
Debts in sole or joint names.

It would also be helpful to know how much it would cost to buy a property suitable for your needs (ie 3 bedrooms).

Of course I have no idea why the marriage has failed - although I am all too aware that relationships can be put under huge strain when children come along. Are you absolutely certain the marriage is beyond repair??

You say you want this to be amicable. Whilst I don''t think you should be a pushover - you have to live too - I think it is important to bear in mind that the life you both thought you had - good income, nice home, SAHM wife etc - is evaporating and she, in particular, is having to face a very different reality - working single mother, limited income, possibly a house move etc. It may be her choice, I don''t know, but regardless of who initiated things, it is a scary prospect and I am sure she is frightened about the future.

Hadenoughnow

  • CastleBlayneyMan
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14 Jun 12 #336744 by CastleBlayneyMan
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Hadenoughnow - I was inferring that if I was able to have custody of the children for some time during the working week, I would be in a position to arrange childcare. This could be me, a grandparent, or a nursery.

STBX has 2 x 3 bed houses to choose from and is keen to live in the one that was passed down through her family, however it is in a state of disrepair. There is cash available to renovate it, but the costs of maintaining 3 properties may well bankrupt me before we get to that point.

Also although I bring home £4500, its costs me £1200 to facilitate this earning in the form of a business loan and insurances required to borrow that money. It is proving rather difficult to treat 4500-1200 as my NET pay rather than 4500.

It is beyond repair. Regrettably, but we are slowly building a relationship to help the children live with 2 separate parents.

  • CastleBlayneyMan
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14 Jun 12 #336752 by CastleBlayneyMan
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hawaythelads wrote:

I reckon that on top of the £900 a month child maintenance they will double that up to approx £1800 ppcm.
All the best
HRH


I had estimated that £1800 pcm would be an affordable amount to provide for the SBTX, and give a reasonable level of comfort. However this is where we are potentially going to struggle with mediation. She has already been categorical that it is not sufficient. Despite the fact she showed her costs of living to be in the region of £1700-1800 pcm in mortgage/food/bills/running a car/mobile. However it did not cover the costs of her maintaining a menagerie. She is currently receiving £150 from renting out a caravan to her new male interest and child tax benefits/credits etc which she has summised to amount to £400-500 pcm. This would mean she is receiving £2350-2450 pcm and I would have £2700 to live from but still liable for my business loan @ 1200 pcm = 1500 pcm....without the loan I would be earning approx £2300-2500 pcm

  • MrsMathsisfun
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14 Jun 12 #336755 by MrsMathsisfun
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Can i suggest you read somuchtoknow posts he was in a similar position to you.

He went to court rather than mediation but didnt manage to negotiate a settlement at FDR.

His ex had very unrealistic expectation of what she was entitled to but soon learnt at court, that what she was expecting just wasnt going to happen.

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