Short history, married/cohab 35 yrs, divorced 2005, exh had affair ans lives with OW. Joint lives order for SM, ex unilaterally stopped payments March 2012 & applied for variation to get the order dismissed. He is 65, me 60 in Jan next year. Him high earner, OW high earner, me medically retired due to ill health and in receipt of pension 18k PA.
I filed all my documents 24/5/12 with statements backing everything up, he exchanged his 26th June 12 at 16.55, unsigned and with no back up documents.
Five minutes before we went in front of the DJ, exh solicitor says he will reinstate SM and pay arrears, he looked at me like I was the biggest pile of dog poo he had ever seen.
Then it all went down hill!
Ex''s solicitor gave a spiel about her client being a well respected professional man who had worked beyond 60 in order to pay SM ect ect.
Then ex took centre stage and gave an Oscar winning performance, apologising for stopping payments, said he truly believed that the order said he could stop paying when he retired! Obviously needs new glasses!!He then told so many lies that I wouldn''t remember them if I had not taken notes. He got his desired result, DJ accepted the apology and said "we will hear no more about the matter". He also got off scot free for not exchanging on time or providing the relevant proof. He told the DJ his partner was very upset as she did not want me knowing her private business and therefore would not consent to financial disclosure, DJ said that was ok.
Ex said he wanted to know what I have spent since April 05 with statements and receipts, guess what, you have got it, I have to do it.
Then ensued a conversation between the DJ & other side that started by the DJ saying he was a simple man who liked to keep things simple and as he saw it I should have made provision for retirement and the ex be entitled to his and if I hadn''t made provision, then tough. I should not expect SM once the ex retired.
Thats it in a nut shell, DJ was most definitely on the side of my extremely wealth ex.
There is to be no FDR, we have to attend in September, same DJ, or a FH.
What can I say except there are laws for some and not for others. I was so upset and down hearted last night that I felt it would be unwise to post.
What did you get out of the divorce - you say you got the house, but it has a mortgage. Was there equity in the house? You say you took none of his pension. Was that because you took the equity and £1500 for life per month. If that is the case, then he should flipping well pay for life, otherwise you should get some of his pension. And of course its too late to get some of the pension. Very very unfair.
His costs are reduced due to him living with OW. Do you live alone, is there someone to share your costs?
I got the house transferred into my name and 100k mortgage of 14yrs term, 7 yrs left to run and SM for life or until I remarried/cohabited for more than 6 months. During the last 3 years of the marriage, during his affair, I went through so much emotional/mental abuse that I have trust issues and am not in a relationship.
My home is my daughters permanent address and has been her home when not at Uni. I have been means tested throughout and supported her, she qualified early June & will be working away. I live with my animals.
He and OW live in a mortgage free house and have a high standard of living.
I think it is the luck of the draw as to which DJ I dot. I had this one for the FDR in the divorce and got the same treatment.