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csa/provision of clothing to stbx

  • Dmmk13
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25 Jul 12 #345288 by Dmmk13
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CSA awarded monthly amount which doesnt start til next month, now stbx has 1 night staying contact per week so have reduced the amount by £13 per week because of this. My stbx is demanding I provide clothing etc for the children when he has them and when he takes them on holiday. I have been told by a friend that he can do this.

I am not being awquard on this but he brings them back the night before I am due to go away with them so need to have everything packed ready to go.

Surely this is wrong - the reason the CSA payments are deducted is because he is responsible for them the days he has them?

any opinions welcome

  • happyagain
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25 Jul 12 #345293 by happyagain
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Yes he is responsible for them and should be providing clothes. However it is a big jump from 2 nights to one week and even the best prepared parent can find themselves short after only usually clothing them for 2 days a time.
Perhaps you could reach agreement on this? When my daughter goes to her dads for longer periods, I usually pack her a bag of extras such as jumper, raincoat, posh frock etc. her dad doesn''t usually have these things for her and she grows so quickly that he wouldn''t get his money''s worth from them of he did!

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25 Jul 12 #345295 by Dmmk13
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Problem is I need to have them packed ready to go early the next morning and he is shouting at me saying I am refusing to provide for my children - i have provided for them since I moved in February without any help when he stopped paying for things because it wasnt his house (doesnt matter that it was still his children)and will not be getting any csa payments til august (which we wanted me to stop).
As long as I know that I do not have to provide for the children when he has them that is fine by me. His well off parents and partner can get shopping.
may sound like a btch but caused by much aggravation from him.
thanks for comments

  • rubytuesday
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25 Jul 12 #345297 by rubytuesday
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Charity shops and places like Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury all offer affordable children''s clothing that won''t break the bank and are perfectly wearable. IS it not possible to get a "stock" of affordable clothing that you don''t mind if not returned the next day so that you can pack what you need the night before the children are due back, meaning that they have clothes to wear and you have enough clothing etc at home to pack properly for your time away?

This isn''t really worth battling over - your children need to be clothed regardless of where they are. yes their grandparents may take them shopping, but it''s not down to them, and certainly not down to his partner to provide clothing, shoes etc for your children.

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25 Jul 12 #345298 by Dmmk13
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in that case then why cant he go to primark, tesco etc to but them. my resources are limited especially as have to pay own bills/rent and half mortgage. No maintentance/csa yet. he lives with partner no bills other than his debt and he just bought a new car. all seems a bit one sided.

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25 Jul 12 #345299 by rubytuesday
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yes, of course he can go shopping, and it would be a good idea for him to have suitable clothing at his anyway.

But do you really want to send your children in only the clothes they are wearing, in the vain hope that he has additional clothing at his for them? its not a chance I would take, I would prefer to know that my children had clean fresh clothes with them to change into. Is it not possible to provide clothing this one time and explain that you can''t afford to keep clothing purely for the children to take to his, and point out it might be fun for him to take them clothes shopping?

  • stepper
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25 Jul 12 #345300 by stepper
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Sometimes it can be hard for dads too, especially if they are on their own also. They still have the same bills to pay as their ex. wives. In addition they also have to pay child maintenance. Unlike the parent with care, there is no child benefit or working tax family credit to fall back on. Separated dads on their own are treated as single persons, despite the fact that they have children to care for.

My son buys all his children''s clothes and always has done. However, it is a struggle for him to keep everything together and we help him out whenever we can.

He would prefer to spend his money directly on his children when they are with him. He has a shared residence order but unfortunately not 50/50. His ex. has a partner who also has children who seem to reside with them for several days at a time.

He has wondered on more than one occasion if his hard earned money is for the benefit of these children also.

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