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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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How child maintenance is spent/not being spent?

  • twilight1
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31 Jul 12 #346480 by twilight1
Topic started by twilight1
Not sure if anyone would be able to tell me if there is any way to get the RP to actually ensure that money they receive in CM and/or child related benefits also are used for the right purpose - ie children are not being dressed in clothes that are 2 years too old and too small and falling apart + shoes are not worn which are literally falling into pieces and again 1-2 sizes too small?

I know this can be a tactic to dress them in the worst possible things they have so NRP replaces them even though they are already paying maintenance each month which should be used to ensure they have suitable clothes and shoes and other things may need.

We have already spent money over and above our means on kids to ensure they have suitable clothes and shoes from the last time they were with us as their shoes were too small and so were all the clothes, this has gradually got worse over the years on shoe front and we did get them new shoes and clothes and now we are seeing them again in new things that are falling apart and need replacing but our budget simply does not allow all this extra expenditure all the time on top of everything else.

at the same time the children should not be put in this position but I don''t know (and tbh think its unlikely) that there would be any way to ensure CM even would be spent on them as there is nothing to show for it, ever, when it comes to their things or clothes or shoes and its ridiculous as the money is clearly plenty to have several holidays and do other things other than spend it on them when it clearly needs to be done.

  • jslgb
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31 Jul 12 #346483 by jslgb
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child maintenance is classified as ''regular, reliable financial support that helps towards a child’s everyday living costs.''

This includes keeping a roof over their head, heating, running water, food etc etc etc.

It may not always be spent on items that can be seen. If i were to write a list of what my cm was *supposed* to contribute towards it would show that the amount i get is completely inadequate. Although this may not be the case for you i doubt very much if you could get your ex to provides such a list.

  • LosingBattle
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31 Jul 12 #346485 by LosingBattle
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Twilight,
Unfortunately this is where both the law & the CSA are absolutely useless.
As far as the CSA are concerned, all they have to do is ensure that the funds are out into the account - end of.
I was in the exact situation you are. I solved this by telling the ex that I did not need her to send any clothes with the children for their time with me.I then went & bought a couple of sets of clothes from Primark & the children change into them when they are with me. They change back into the clothes they came in when it''s time to drop them home.
She soon got the message when the kids went home saying that dad had got them nice clothes to wear when they''re with him! She sent messages asking where these new clothes were! I stated that they were here & would remain here for their use. They since started to turn up in better clothes. She realised that the gravy train had stopped.
Whenever I get texts demanding I contribute to new shoes, coats etc. I remind her that this is exactly what my CM is for!

I know you may say that you shouldn''t have to buy clothes, but they stay with you, your children look good when they''re with you & thanks to certain stores mentioned earlier, it really doesn''t cost that much to do. I have 3 & although the initial outlay was a bit of a blow, it was definitely the best thing I did.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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31 Jul 12 #346493 by MrsMathsisfun
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Losingbattle, your ex could so be my partner ex!!

My partner gone through exactly the same with his ex, even down to her asking if she could share the children casual shoes!!

My partner has stated that he will share the cost of one of items such as school shoes, winter coats, school bags and pay for half of school trips over £10.00 but he isn''t going to pay for anything else.

The latest attempt to get money from my partner is to send school trip letters over with the children hoping to guilt him into pay more. Apparently its ''''the little things that mount up'''' maybe if she hadnt replaced her 3 year old car with a brand new one money wouldnt be so tight!!

  • Felixstowe
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31 Jul 12 #346501 by Felixstowe
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I''m on the other side of this coin. My child maintenance goes on nothing but the children and is never spent on keeping a roof over their heads, food etc. it''s all spent on cloths, hobbies, money for the oldest to enjoy going out and about with friends etc.

My stbx has my girls 3 nights week and feels that he shouldn''t have to provide anything as he pays CM, I''ve sent both girls in lovely cloths and when he returns them (particularly the youngest) she is wearing tatty, dirty too small cloths and I never see the lovely ones again. The too small cloths are ones I have bought previously and haven''t seen since :(

I can''t afford to buy two sets of cloths so now I send her to his house with the stuff he sent her to me in. I never ask for additional money for school shoes etc as this is what CM is for in my opinion but as far as I''m concerned it''s not there for me to supply his house so mine loses out.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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31 Jul 12 #346507 by MrsMathsisfun
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Yeap my partner has that happen too, so now he has ''''transfer clothes'''' that go back and forward.

Its the children I feel sorry for. I never had issue with clothes etc with my ex because we communicated. If I sent them around in stuff it always came back with them, to begin with dirty but after a little chat, clean and pressed!

  • twilight1
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31 Jul 12 #346514 by twilight1
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Thank you everyone. I do understand as well that living costs are also something a lot of money will go on, but its the fact that someone can afford going on various holidays, buy new IT stuff and budget large amounts of their income (not working being on benefits) making sure they get their hair done, new clothes, shoes and nights out, but think its ok for kids to have blisters all over their feet cos they dont feel they should buy them shoes when others fall apart or are way too small, but happily spend their money on evenings out with their mates down at the local just doesnt add up to me. Im not financially responsible for them as my partner is the NRP but I spend money on the exactly the same and I dont get benefits, I work and I pay towards our bills and costs and other expenses and I hate seeing them dressed like they have no clothes or shoes that fit. They are lovely and kind and happy children who deserve to be looked after and made sure they feel happy to wear what they have on and be able to have things that fit them not things that they had several years ago when RP has enough in her budget to have it spent on her own brand new outfits or specs or haircuts every time we see her when she clearly says she is too poor to even buy them a pair of shoes. Its the priorities that make me cross but I do appreciate that living expenses are also something CM and benefits will cover.

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