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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

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The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Just dont know anymore

  • soulruler
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20 Aug 12 #350759 by soulruler
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I seem to recall that you mentioned that he had removed a significant amount of money out of the marital finances in the last few years.

I also believe that you do need proper help to go through the Financial E doumentation - in fact it might help you if you haven''t already to download one and start going through it slowly - putting together your case as you have shown it on here.

You have a good deal of provable medical condition and your stbx just stating that you are lazy is more than slightly controlling and I am not surprised, partly being away from your home country, why you are so distessed and anxious right now.

There are very many parts of your finances, petitioning and returning, disipating funds and cashing his pension without your knowledge, the accounts you have from the past.

Not sure really why you could only come up with three months bank statements recently - maybe it was because you were too stressed and couldn''t think logically.

One step at a time now.

My suggestion is that you write a one to two page document stating the background to the split (just going back to the first Petition a few years ago not all the way back to the first affairs years ago).

Then sit down and think.

Then look at the current situation, where he has gone and what he has done or threatened since and what you have coming in.

Just work through it logically, sit back, read and think again.

Stressful as I know it is in order to relieve your stress you need something positive to get your head round.

I know this might sound a bit petty under the circumstances but have you ever heard of Kalms and Bachs herbal remedy? They both help me when the stress and anxiety is off the scale. Also, I know you know but try the cigarette replacement (only costs a few pounds).

BTW I used to be a non smoker unti recently but the huge anxiety and stress has contributed to a social take it or leave it attitude to fags being turned into a regular habit - which I personal hate myself for. Still, feelings of dependency and self loathing are not helpful as I am sure you appreciate - so not preaching just trying to help.

  • amefbi
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20 Aug 12 #350788 by amefbi
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Thx for replying,

Want to be like the Experts, Professionals, hahahaha...otherwise I keep on ranting trying to explain and this way I can keep it short and clear.

I can copy and paste in 2 ways but on this site Ive not been sucessfull.

How do I copy and paste a paragraph on a existing post from another person to give the answer on my post and my comment.

  • Elphie
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20 Aug 12 #350813 by Elphie
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There''s an orange button at the bottom of each post that says quote. Press that in the post that you want to quote and a reply box comes up with the enitre comment in it already. You can delete the bits you don''t want to copy then, if you want, and just leave in the paragraph you wanted to copy.

Glad you had a bit of positive news today.

  • amefbi
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20 Aug 12 #350851 by amefbi
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Thank you so much ebonyriver.

I will be able to ask a direct question on posts and not sound so weird and confusing and explaining my situation.

Will try and answer on soulrunners comments tomorrow, Im so exhausted now and hopefully get some sleep tonight.

Big hugs to you

  • MrsSadness
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20 Aug 12 #350867 by MrsSadness
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Yes, keep positive in is what a very trying situation. Least you found this site which was the best thing you could have done.... I really am in similar boat myself re assets rapidly being dissapated.... and victim of DV , so rest assured there are people out there who understand your situation, and don''t get worried about your English.... just try to state facts, without getting embtoiled in the emotions.

Makes it harder to see the wood from the trees - and I am sure you know this saying in South Africa! I know it is hard to do, when you feel so alone, but try just to state facts or if you feel a need to talk about stress and depression, post in that room of this forum: just try to keep it seperated.

I am amazed your 3 sons are not helping you more though.

Ok, off now for next few days since determined to get my D8 in by Friday, I so hope my UB reasons pass....re the wording and terminology. But anyway, I hope you get the support you need in here..... you do know though that house in SA is part of marital pot. From your previous ample posts, you seemed to be a little confused about this..... unless you have some lock fast prior legally-agreed agreement with ex, not just his '' verbal promises'' that he has no right to it...... I am afrraid at form E stage, everything needs to be disclosed, and non-volintary disclosure by either party will be frowned on by the judge.... I see your dilemna, he is hiding money away, etc. Point is, how can you find out the discrepancies when living seperately, though in other post of late, seems you are able to look around the kitchen and see relevant stuff..... you shouldn''t even be sharing a kitchen you know..... and your previous snooping as you once posted about, will not go down well. Not a crititism, just be very careful and get as much advice as you can.

I need to work on my own depression now in getting this D8 into court... it is all very painful but all us Wikis know that. You are one of many, feeling the same emotions...

Anyway, next time I log in to follow your posts, hope to have heard you went to CAB - to discuss divorce, not benefits this time.... apprecaite you need help with both, but I think the divorce needs more of your attention right now.... Am I right in thinking you are now on the back foot of R? Your status does change a lot, but never mind...

I really do think you should just find the money for a consultation with a solicitor whp specialises with Divoce Not a generic High Steet one, and do not talk to his solictors anympre..... you did not reference this when I last sent you long email in re this one - I so hope you get the bigger picture here. You are on your own here, and talking to his, volunterring stuff before a form E, really does you no favours, love.

Anyway, got my own stuff to sort out, use this site, read - if you are at home all day, read.... get free info on the basic stuff... read, get clued up...

I wish you well with it and will check in next week to see how you are doing.... ok? But for now I have my own fish to fry. I will be able to talk to you more, once I have done it, got it submitted.

In meanwhile, I do feel your pain..... and you have support on here. Not a language barrier as you suggest, but your posts are a bit difficult to read re all the inconstencies... then flood of emotion takes over..... you can say anything on here., All allowed on this very helpful site, but if you want advice, as to why you don;t get responses you want,
I would say, keep it short and and actually factual. Read up on teminolgy used for one, get fimiliar with the jargon, by reading, reading, reading on here..... Ok? Go to bed now, I am also up late these days...... just trying to be of help here to you: be clearer in your posts on here, in short.
OK, got to go. Will pop in next week to see how you are, as a support person...

Night

  • amefbi
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21 Aug 12 #350897 by amefbi
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Im confident and ready with all my documents that will be needed for divorce proceedings. Even his form E (for my own use) and copies of our finances. Spend hours writing my ‘’life story’’ since 2008 to date, about his dishonesty pension/ cash/savings/holidays on his own 5yrs, I have current pension valuation from the company, valuation on property, cars, etc. Legal docs on house in SA not part of marital pot.
I have so many docs will need 6 people to help me carry this to court (lol).

I think why Im getting so frustrated is that Im ready for court on financial issues and he has no clue what he needs to do. He went to see his solicitor on few occasions and for mediation with 3mhts bankstatements (his), Mortgage statement and marriage certificate..thats all. Trying to explain and give him advice, his attitude is Im wrong, wont be neccassary, as we agreed he keeps his pension and I keep the house (No its not)
That’s why I felt like calling his sols to tell her its not the case. (but I havent)

Soulrunner Im on strong meds, Pregabalins, amitriptelene, trammadols, Buprenorphine (Morphine ??) and 3 more, at times Steriods and injections as well. I did speak to GP as I wanted to stop this smoking, he said not now, don’t do this to yourself, we can see later on. Anxiety and stress triggers the Neuralgia I have (permanent nerve damage) But then Ive tried since last year anyways, have Nicorets Inhalers, but its difficult and feeling like a failure again, is not good in my current situation. But thanks for your support and understanding on this.

I did panic as he is moving out and wont pay household bills and expressed my concerns on this site, but I will try not to confuse people on this site anymore, and relax as I will just have to wait for the process. And its ‘killing’’ me that he is paying his sols thousands when I could’ve survived on this money.

My energy and efforts will be on Cab and E&A visiting my home shortly and what other benefits I can claim. Ive always been so anti benefits and felt why should the government support me if my husband is capable to and Im his responsibility. But I have accepted that this is the only way forward for me, I have no other choice.

Sadness my sons are in their late 30’s, the one in UK sided with his father, its his friend from primary school that’s involved with the ‘’pension fraud’’ in 2007. I don’t want to involve them or be a burden to them, financially they are battling and its my husbands problem to support me, not my children. Sons in SA will be back in UK in year of two’s time.

I will use the quote button as ebonyriver advised, this will be much better when I want an answer and don’t have to give all this blah blah blah over and over again.

Thx for all your support

  • soulruler
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21 Aug 12 #350923 by soulruler
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Goodness you are having a really, really tough time.

I really think that you need a solitor to get things started for you and maybe you need to get someone to push this and get it to court at least for Maintenence whilst this gets sorted.

I also think that definitely your medical condition is very relevent and that a medical report from your doctor must be one of the important disclosures that go to court along with the confirmation that there has been a problem with DLA and that is being re-assessed.

Just hang in there you are not on your own.

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