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Ex is playing merry hell

  • walter76
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20 Aug 12 #350648 by walter76
Topic started by walter76

We divorced in 2006 with my ex taking 80% of the capital and me agreeing/ordered to pay 550 per month in maintenance. We were awarded joint custody and it has worked out fine for the most part.

However, I was involved in a serious car crash in 2009 (1 year off work and left with permanent disability, insurance still fighting over settlement) that limited my income, however my ex became convinced that I earned a lot more than I did and so went to the CSA who awarded her £37 per month because of my limited ability to earn a decent income.

My ex has remarried and has another child, so spousal maintenance is off the table there. I did offer an undertaking to the court to pay £180 per month but the ex refused it prior to the CSA decision.

I have been able to return to work at a lower income in the period after that. During this time, my daughter started in private school, thanks mainly to my new partner and her hard work in juggling the finances, I have been able to pay the fees and and also I paid anywhere between 75 - 100 per month on top to help my ex with the maintenance.

My daughter spends 50% of all school holidays and 4-6 nights every two weeks with me.

Now my ex has returned to work and put my daughter into an after-school club for £100 per term, and told the school that I will pay for it, because "it doesn''t matter what I earn, you have to pay for your daughter! You don''t do any thing for her. As you are not paying for the after school care, then I am pulling her out of school. As she lives with me and is my daughter I can make any decision I want, you don''t count" (to paraphrase her text message rant)

I am currently working in Ireland, my ex seems to think that the CSA will make a different decision now that I work abroad and that I must make so much money... the normal output from most conversations with her.


1) Am I in a position to either get a SIO or a PSO to stop my ex taking my daughter out of school without my permission?

2) What is the common consensus on paying for after school clubs for providing childcare, who is responsible for them?

3) If the CSA come after me again, do I have to disclose income earned abroad?

This is not a question of trying to avoid maintaining my daughter, this is about ensuring that she has the best schooling that I can give her, and I know it''s petty but also setting some very explicit boundaries for my ex!


  • happyagain
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20 Aug 12 #350691 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
In answer to your questions, you may be able to get a PSO, particularly if you already pay the fees. Removing your daughter from the school would be unsettling and you would have a good argument there.
Secondly, after-school care. In law, all the nrp has to do is pay maintenance at the set CSA level. After-school clubs and childcare costs fall to the PWC. However, many nrps contribute to this cost as an extra, or pay for the childcare on the days they have contact. BUT, you are already paying school fees so I would say your financial obligations, both morally and legally, have been more than met. Your ex will have the cost of after-school care regardless of whether she is in private or state school.
Lastly, the CSA may well have jurisdiction in Ireland. Having said that, with the maintenance you already pay, plus the £75 extra pcm, plus the school fees, you probably already pay above what you should given the sizeable amount of contact you have. I would contact the CSA yourself, they are not to be afraid of, and ask for their guidance. Your ex may well live to regret her actions again.

  • Fiona
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20 Aug 12 #350696 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
Do you work for a company based in ROI? The CSA has jurisdiction in NI but can''t enforce CM in ROI if you are paid there. As far as paying for after school is concerned it''s worth checking the terms of any agreement you have with the school.

  • walter76
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20 Aug 12 #350699 by walter76
Reply from walter76
The company I work for is a consultancy firm so they get paid in the UK but then they pay me in whichever country I am in, so it''s a really strange situation. I am not liable for UK tax but the company is.

The school agreement was signed by both of us, however my ex seems to think that at times she can just make these decisions and then other times, normally when daughter is a handful, only I can manage a situation.

So any agreement has to be counter-signed by me but the ex would rip daughter out of school and make me pay that term''s fees just to be bloody minded so I have about 14 days to get a SIO filed and try to negotiate with the clerk to fast track it. (yay, another 200GBP that she has cost me!)

Thanks for the feedback.

  • Rumplestiltsk1n
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20 Aug 12 #350724 by Rumplestiltsk1n
Reply from Rumplestiltsk1n
you could apply for a SIO and ask for it to be exparte as it is a matter of urgency.

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