I have tried to find the answer to this on previous threads but still not sure.
Briefly- I''m 44, ex wife 47, separated 14 months, Nisi through. She lives with the other man now (affair), has done for the last 9 months with my 2 kids, 11 and 9 years old, so both at school.
We were married nearly 13 years plus 1 year cohabiting (hard to prove though?), so 14 years ''ish She is a teacher working part time- 2 days a week. She has been part time for years even though she could have worked full time once my youngest went to school a few years ago, she chose not too. I work from home so looked after the day to day stuff and dropping/picking kids up etc.
Have very little to share- we have agreed 50:50 on the house sale- giving us 37k each, but we both have debts in our name, around 20k each, leaving a balance of about 17k each. She wanted us to both pay off the debts in our names. I had to agree as with a solicitor at £200 an hour I didn''t see the point in arguing. Its a bit unfair as she by chance had the better credit card deals meaning she pays less every month. I pay all the mortgage, all the associated house costs and maintenance of £350 a month, as per CSA calc. I have since racked up another £8k in debts as I can''t afford to pay all bills and survive. She lives in a large detached 4 bed house in posh part of town with OM.
She is a teacher at the top of her scale and pro rata earns more than me (37K). With my maintenance and tax credits she actually nets the same as me even working part time (£1700 a month). She has a public sector final salary scheme pension CETV of £103k and a small private pension (paid during our marriage too out of joint money) of 10k. She paid into both her pensions for 5 years before we married. Total CETV £113k.
I have a public sector pension only- all paid in during our marriage- none before.
My CETV is £100k. We have no other assets.
She is now claiming that I owe her 20K in pension for the period of our marriage, claiming that the 5 years or so of her pension before the marriage doesn''t count.
Its all peanuts really, but I am horrified that even after all I have suffered she can still claim more. I put my grandparents inheritance, a house, into the family pot and our marriage and all my relatives possessions etc., and she still wants to chase my pension, even though she left me for another man, taking the kids to boot!
I''m trying to push her to leave my pension alone, as she has got a greater pension provision than me already, and an equal chance of earning as much as me in the future and both of us have similar time left to build our pensions up.
Please give me some good news or put me out of my misery at least....
You could point out to her that pension sharing works both ways, so you are also entitled to half of hers. In practice given the similar values and the fact that pension providers charge you to do the sharing it would probably be better if you just each kept your own.
Thanks for taking time to reply Sadie- that''s the way I see it too, just worried about the solicitors involved and can''t understand why she can''t see it this way too. Her solicitor seems to think its worth pursuing so its down to mine now making a counter argument and hoping that common sense prevails.... God help us!
I agree with Sadie it works both ways and even with the children it does too. if you have one of them live with you or more than 3 days you can have shared maintenance my son went to live with his father so i never got maintenance for him which I thought was right and if my daughter had stayed with him over long periods of time he would of had a reduced rate to pay me if none at all .. look into it i pursed my maintenance for 10 years and I got there in the end .. you think its enough when your broken hearted and all self esteem is taken from you and your children but then you get kicked in the teeth even more when they want more isn''t having a new person in there life enough.
Hot off the press- great news- After outling my legal thoughts to her, stbx has just agreed in writing to leave pensions alone!!! One less thing to worry about.
Sale of family house almost through though and due to move out to rented flat in a strange new city in just 2 weeks! Hasn''t really sunk in yet- all a bit surreal and bloody frightening/ exciting. Sounds pathetic but its so nerve wracking trying to organise it entirely on my own. I can feel the roller coaster slowly cranking up- a huge decent ahead. Got a feeling I will be posting again soon!!!!!