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Got to get out, violent wife, IVA big mort...

  • steve112
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14 Mar 08 #16810 by steve112
Topic started by steve112
Im married, 7 years (ironic i know), my wife is violent, 2 kids (5 & 12), were living in a house with a mortgage in both names, The IVA debt is 80% hers 20% mine. If i just move out and rent else where she will probably struggle to pay the mortgage and the mort company will chase us both for the payment which would land me in trouble. If i say im leaving she will sabotage all my stuff and unleash a torrent of violence, i dont know why i have hung on till now. Kids. My question is will she be able to get finacial help from anywhere ie tax credits (shes on 34,000) to help her keep the house? Im desperate! any tips or further questions welcome.

Thanks

  • kidsinbulgaria
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15 Mar 08 #16840 by kidsinbulgaria
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golgo13,

First of all can I congratulate you on your immense courage to even speak of this often taboo subject. Just reading on internet that domestic violence can affect upto 1 in 6 males so you are certainly not alone or unique in this situation.

You may not know it but you have now taken the important first big step. The entire journey may be long and treacherous but at least you have a clear destination in mind, which is half the battle.

Here is a link to what looks to be a useful advice and support site:-

www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

Also, here is a benefit calculator where you may be able to put your xtb's details in to check entitlement to any benefits for her:-

www.entitledto.co.uk/default.aspx

You do not have to help your xtb and I am wondering whether she admits she has a problem or whether she thinks her behaviour is reasonable.

Your kids are obviously a priority in any proceedings as is your own sanity and wellbeing.

The very best of luck to you for the future.

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15 Mar 08 #16853 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria
golgo13,

First of all can I congratulate you on your immense courage to even speak of this often taboo subject. Just reading on internet that domestic violence can affect upto 1 in 6 males so you are certainly not alone or unique in this situation.

You may not know it but you have now taken the important first big step. The entire journey may be long and treacherous but at least you have a clear destination in mind, which is half the battle.

Here is a link to what looks to be a useful advice and support site:-

www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

Also, here is a benefit calculator where you may be able to put your xtb's details in to check entitlement to any benefits for her:-

www.entitledto.co.uk/default.aspx

You do not have to help your xtb and I am wondering whether she admits she has a problem or whether she thinks her behaviour is reasonable.

Your kids are obviously a priority in any proceedings as is your own sanity and wellbeing.

The very best of luck to you for the future.

  • steve112
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15 Mar 08 #16854 by steve112
Reply from steve112
kidsinbulgaria wrote:

golgo13,


Here is a link to what looks to be a useful advice and support site:-

www.mensadviceline.org.uk/

Also, here is a benefit calculator where you may be able to put your xtb's details in to check entitlement to any benefits for her:-

www.entitledto.co.uk/default.aspx

You do not have to help your xtb and I am wondering whether she admits she has a problem or whether she thinks her behaviour is reasonable.

Your kids are obviously a priority in any proceedings as is your own sanity and wellbeing.

The very best of luck to you for the future.


This is great advice, i should just let her rot but my kids are in this house and they dont deserve to move. I bet her family would sort her out for a while anyway.

  • BewilderedOne
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08 Apr 08 #18966 by BewilderedOne
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Hi, i'm brand new to this forum, and spotted your title - I too left the marital home after 3 years of physical violence towards me, coupled to verbal abuse and harassment.The final straw was when she threw a full mug at me in front of our young daughter, breaking it and cutting my ribs.
I haven't found any help anywhere for this subject.
I'm nearly 2 years out now, and going through a divorce.
Good luck.

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09 Apr 08 #18981 by rosiegirl
Reply from rosiegirl
There is an abuse support group here on wiki you might wish to join... Its under the Community menu, then select Support Groups.

Good luck to both of you golgo and bewildered.

  • jelly4toes
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09 Apr 08 #18984 by jelly4toes
Reply from jelly4toes
you can't go on like this that much you know.if you are at risk of violence then take all you want and do a moonlight flit.the rest will all sort itself out eventually.promise.

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