My stbx husband and I seperated over 2.5 years ago. He remained in the house and still lives there. Our daughter and I moved in to a hostel initially, but now have a rented house of our own. He earns around £35,000 per year whilst I earn around £10,000 per year. He pays maintenance through the CSA. He has a lodger whose rent covers the mortgage of the FMH and so has a very high standard of living. I am struggling financially as I am paying for our living costs as well as funding studying for a degree to give myself better job prospects in the future. He has avoided returning his form E for over a year and I have no idea how much equity is in the house. He proposed a settlement figure of £10,000 which he would take a loan out for and I was willing to accept as I could really do with the money to help with my University fees and also because I am pregnant (not by him.)
I have wanted to get divorced and sort out the finances since we got the Decree Nisi almost a year ago, but he has been stalling. Except in the past few weeks he has been eager to sort things out. It is a year next week since we were granted the decree nisi and he called me today to ask me to go to the court and apply for the Absolute as otherwise it will be more difficult and expensive if it passes the year mark. I have been wanting to get the Decree Absolute but was of the understanding that it was unlikely to be granted if the financial matters were not settled?
He has made a big thing of not wanting to sell the FMH and I have felt guilty because he paid the deposit and so I haven''t felt like I''m entitled to much. We were together for 4 years but only married for 1.5 years, though I did sacrifice a place at Cambridge University for our marriage/daughter. However, the past few times I have seen him he has been wearing very expensive clothes, talking about the expensive places he and his girlfriend have been to, bragging about one of several holidays he is going on next year which is costing several thousands of pounds etc. Plus our daughter has returned from contact saying she''s been going to see big houses with him and that he is getting a new house - so the stuff about wanting to keep the FMH to provide consistency for our daughter is rubbish. All while I struggle to pay to feed myself after providing for our daughter, and I can''t help but feel a little resentful. Why is he so eager to sort things out all of a sudden? Is it because I am pregnant, albeit not by him and he may be considered more financially liable for me?
Jenna I think after everything you have been through, the financial position you find yourself in, and the fact that you have a daughter together, you really should get some proper advice.
I say this because as much as you may not want to take what you dont feel you deserve, and believe me I admire that as I felt the same, in my case there wasnt anything really to fight over, and in your case there is.
Your ex has a four yr old child that needs supporting and it may be that the deal is fair, it may be that its not, but some advice wouldnt hurt, dont be pushed into doing things at his pace because it suits him
Thank you for your replies. I have not applied for the Decree Absolute, and he says he ''can''t afford to''!! But can have the Consent Order drawn up regarding the loan agreement by the end of next week...! The problem I have is that I could really do with the £10,000 now to help pay my Uni fees and if I don''t take it, he''ll refuse to share his financial disclosure so I''ll have to take him to Court to sort out the financials which I really didn''t want to have to do. If I did complete Form A, do you think it would be likely that I might be awarded spousal maintenance in the meantime if the house was up for sale? As I could save that to put towards Uni fees because the house is likely to take a while to sell.