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access to my house - even if I am not living there

  • wraith
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07 Apr 12 #322251 by wraith
Topic started by wraith
this is potentially an emotive issue but I need advice really.

I moved out 7months ago due to tensions between she and I which basically got too much for both of us. The kids are shared and live with each of us one week here, and the other there.

Sometimes I go around to my house and chat to the kids while I drop stuff off or pick things up. Nothing too odd there. Recently she asked if I had finished what I had come to do and I said "yes". I was still saying hibye to my kids and she then said "okay, please go now". I looked at her and said no as I was saying hibye. she said "I was making her uncomfortable" and she wanted me to leave. I said no.
Anyway, she is now in the habit of standing over me as I stand in the foyer speaking to the kids and so on. Today, I went to pick up some of my personal stuff that was still there in the garden. I went through the house which was in an Absolute state.
so I was in the hall again and things repeated themselves. My daughter who is 6 was still with me but outside. she had helped me to take some stuff out. She then said she wanted me to leave and again I said no. I didnt want to be difficult but the last thing I am happy to have done to me is to be shooed out of my own house.
She tried to intimidate me by pressing the 1st 9 on her phone and feeling a little incensed said go for it. she did. I took my daughter up and down the street for a little while on my bike and then returned her. I then gathered up my stuff and went back to my flat.
Apparently the police did turn up and she had a nice chat with them but it does concern me that she may try and use this as a weapon.
what exactly are my rights to access my home and house?
what can the police do if there is a repeat while I am accessing my home and house? there is no violence or initimidation I assure you. I just dont intend to be shooed out of the house.

can someone advise me please.

thanks

  • soulruler
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08 Apr 12 #322337 by soulruler
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I think that one of the problems here is that everyone has their rights to privacy and family life.

I understand your concern over the way your wife is acting but would point out that although you jointly own the house if you jointly owned the house and it was rented out to tennants that you would have no rights to entry unless it was arranged as a supervised visit.

Basically your wife is now the tennant in your jointly owned home. How would you feel if she came around to your flat and lingered around refusing to leave past the point at which she had picked up or dropped off the children?

I would be careful as you are getting a divorce and the last thing either of you need is to get the Police involved or for your wife to be advised by solicitors to go to court to get a non molestation order (or to get into the contentious area of changing the locks and any contentious legal wrangling that that may bring).

I would also point out that when people get into an emotionally distressed state and divorce does that to many people they often find it hard to keep up the same standards as they did when there were two co-operative people living in the same house (or maybe the one who left did more of the household chores than the one who is left).

Critisising your wife for being untidy isn''t going to help either of you get divorced or to move on.

My house is an absolute tip these days and it is directly as a result of 4 years of hideous litigation and a very contentious divorce.

The best thing for you both and the two kids is that you keep things as amicable as possible. Avoid being stubborn about leaving the house, avoid undue critisism in difficult times and circumstances and remember that you have a bolt hole (even if only rented) which you can call your own - I doubt very much that you have given your wife a key to your own personal space and flat.

Tread carefully and go lightly - don''t rock the boat.

  • wraith
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08 Apr 12 #322485 by wraith
Reply from wraith
see what you are saying but I am not renting it out. renting implies a contract being drawn up where rights have been given to a tenant. there is also no violence, harrassment or intimidation while I am there but you are right, getting the police involved would raise the temperature a little.
anyway, have spoken to her today and explained peacefully why I found these recent episodes upsetting and why I didnt leave when she said.
she seemed to accept that but explained that when I am there she has felt some of the questions I asked the kids made them feel nervous.
I explained that I have no intention of that and asked her to just state what it is I am doing that is upsetting her and I will strive to ensure it does not happen. I asked her to try and be patient and understand that all I am trying to do is make sure that the kids are safe. The one thing I will do is not speak to the kids about their living there but if they are saying something to me, ask their mother when they arent in earshot.
I think the lesson to be learnt here is that clear communication is best. Keeping things under wraps only helps to cause misconceptions in peoples minds, especially when moving through a divorce.
She has agreed that we both need to talk more. we seem in many areas to have the same motivation to ensure that the kids are safe.
we just need to get the financial stress points sorted out and then with the kids being the only focus, things should be a lot more settled.

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