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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Charge vs Current Asset

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19 Apr 12 #325098 by somuch2know2
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I have done the maths over and over- and my STBX will be more than provided for.

When we were married we had just over 2K in disposable income. The new car, the mortgage, my commuting costs were all very high, as were the household bills. If she doesn''t give me anything and has no mortgage she will be 1.5K better than when we were together... 3,500 worth of income to do whatever with. This is a lot of money by any standards.

Meanwhile she is trying to shove all the marital debt my way and leave me with nothing. Its not right. You can dress it up however you like and say its "for the kids" but its not. Its so she can sit with a smug face and say she screwed me over...

There needs to be some parity in all of this. I need a house, I need a clean slate too.

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19 Apr 12 #325103 by hadenoughnow
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sm2k2

Please look at my post on your other thread ... you really do need to stop being so angry and start being practical. It is that kind of anger that unfortunately can end up costing a small fortune in court.

Hadenoughnow

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19 Apr 12 #325107 by sillywoman
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Yep the anger needs to go. You did not prevent your wife working, but neither did you go out of your way to encourage it.

Give her as much as you can from the equity to enable her to only need to have a small mortgage.

I think you facilitated your wife and kids spending spending spending and therefore you must take some responsibility for the fact that they all still want to take from you and the more your wife and kids can get off you to be honest the more they will want.

I don''t know why, but I got a feeling that your wife wore the trousers in the marriage and you perhaps gave in for a quiet life.

Now is the time to get your head straight for yourself, your wife and your kids.

Your marriage is over and you must now stand firm and strong,

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20 Apr 12 #325192 by somuch2know2
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Silly.. you nailed it in one..
I wanted a quiet life so I just let her do whatever.

I was out the door at 5am, up at 4:30, back at 7:30pm.

Everyone thinks I am bitter. Im not. Angry- yes...but more than anything I just want a fair outcome.

Beyond the affair, my wife is angry because she knows I never loved her. She used to say it all the time, and she knew I was there just for the kids. I don''t think she ever expected me to leave- but what really kills her is knowing I am so happy and in love with someone other than her. This is validated over and over by all the "tests" she gives.. which only ends up hurting her more, and the kids more, as they are usually part of her test.

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20 Apr 12 #325195 by sillywoman
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I know where you are coming from here. My ex knows I never loved him. He used to say I would leave him and yes I did, although he precipitated that by the constant cheating. Maybe thats why he cheated, because he knew I didn''t love him, didnt like him much either!

Oh dear, thats hard to admit and must be difficult for our other halfs to hear. My ex is angry and bitter that I would rather be alone with the kids (have dates but no one special) than him, whereas yours is angry that you have someone else.

We are guilty of course, both of us and maybe your wife got you into a financial mess and had 3 children, especially the youngest, thinking if she did all that you would never leave her as in her thinking you would never be able to.

Maybe my ex bore me down and believe me he really did to the extent that I was hugely overweight when he left in the belief that I would never leave him. In fact one of the things he said was "you are so huge,no one else would want you" - well in the words of the song "just look at me now"!

The problem is somuch, no one, not even a court of law can FORCE your wife to work and the fact that she didn''t for years, has no qualifications and the youngest child will be a problem. But if she thinks that crippling you financially will make her feel better, she is so so wrong as I think my ex is thinking now.

I have lost loads of weight (being unemployed helped as had more time as did being a single mum, because believe me, you can badger kids to help with the housework all you like, they do sod all!, so I had everything to do and it has helped make me fit).

And of course finally finally being offered this fab new job, starting end of this month is the icing on the cake.

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20 Apr 12 #325202 by somuch2know2
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All I can do is hope for the best. My offer is fair. Not 50/50 fair- but fair in consideration of her, and the kids.. and myself. Her spite will show in court and maybe that will affect judgement as there is no reason to why she needs 100% of the assets.

She knows my happiness with my girlfriend as even before anything happened between me and her our friendship changed me. Very cliche, but we worked together. We spent 5 days a week/ 10 hrs a day sitting next to each other. We would talk about our days, our lives, debate over work, and share a daily muffin. It wasnt flirty, it was just nice to have a conversation with a woman who understood my job, and didnt ask for more money. I never spoke of my wife, only my kids- but she knew I was married and until she handed in her notice thought I had the perfect life. I would go home at night and talk about her to the family as she always had funny stories or did random things and my wife would constantly say I was sleeping with her, as she did with any female I was ever in contact with or worked with. This was 2 years before I actually did, and it was the only time I had an affair. I cant justify it and I should have left and stayed gone, but there is a long list of ''should haves''- but for anyone who has been in a loveless relationship, to finally meet someone who makes your heart skip, who makes you smile no matter what, and constantly stands by you through all the crap life flings your way.. Well.. that feeling I had, and still have for her makes everyday a bit easier...Basically, she wishes it were her that made me feel like this, and it would be easier and fantastic if I could make myself feel a certain wait towards someone- but it doesnt work like that.

My STBX and I had the house, the kids, the ''perfect life'' but neither of us had real happiness. Neither of us really loved each other, as if we did we would not be getting divorced, and even so- it would not be this vindictive.

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21 Apr 12 #325547 by sillywoman
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To be honest I do think it is more horrible than it would be simply because you have your girlfriend.

However, it is as it is and you said both you and your wife were unhappy, therefore, this divorce will be possibly the best thing that could have happened to your wife, only she just doesn''t know it yet!

Crack on with the kids, especially the little one and give her a ring to see what the tooth fairy left her.

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