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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Charge vs Current Asset

  • somuch2know2
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21 Apr 12 #325605 by somuch2know2
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Silly, thank you for taking the time to listen to ALL of my story, my questions, and giving your advice and comments based on the other side of the coin.

Im going to log off for a while as I need to come up for air and come up with a plan B for housing should things go completely to *****.

have been doing a lot of thinking over the past 10 months, and the irony of my situation is that due to my wife''s bitterness and anger, she has actually pushed me closer to my girlfriend as opposed to breaking us up.

She will find happiness one day, and yes, I will continue on with the children.

Will update when her counter comes in, or FDR is over.

Again.. Thanks

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23 May 12 #332491 by somuch2know2
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and the counter offer is in.

2 days unti.l FDR and 1 month from the time we sent... what was received was an utter bit of nonsense.

She wants a 70/ 30 split her way- which is fine but she wants to give me 15% now and the other 15% in 15 years time.

She wants me to pay CM until the end of first degree( including gap year) for all children- at which time I can get my last 15% of the house

She wants my pension split- in her favour.

She wants all the marital debt to be paid by me

She doesnt think the houses I submitted are unsuitable - even though they are are in the school in the catchment and buses are provided.

She wants me to take out a mortgage to pay the shortfall

She wants me to pay pay SM for life

She refuses to see black and white- I DID NOT GET A BONUS THIS YEAR..

she refuses to accept the state of the economy and the banking industry

She wants 30% of all future ef-all bonuses

She wants 15K a year SM

She cant go back to school part time because she has 3 young (17, 13, 6) children.. yet she cant go to work full time for the same- yet she is demanding a salary that most combined incomes can only envy.

I think you would call this a caldercott offer back in the day?

Im curious to why this is anywhere "fair" to me. This leaves me not able to get on the property ladder, it leaves me with around 700pm disposible and her with 6K... hmmmm disparity...? me thinks so?

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23 May 12 #332501 by sillywoman
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Is there anything she doesnt want????

She is taking the proverbial, go to final hearing and let a judge decide

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23 May 12 #332502 by happyagain
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Well, its a start. Remember that just a short while ago she was screaming from the rooftops that she wanted 100% equity. So, small steps ......
No, its not fair to you. But then it won''t be as you are the nrp. However, it is ''within reason'' (not to you or I, but certainly to her and potentially a judge). So this is where you start bargaining.
Making you wait 15 years for the 2nd part of your equity is ridiculous - your older 2 children will be 28 and 32 by this point so she will have been substantially overhoused for several years by this point. At the very least, if she cannot find the 30% now, she ought to be paying it out when the youngest turns 18. However this still means she will have been rattling round in a very large house whilst the older two have either flown the nest or are at uni. This is why this doesn''t seem reasonable to me.
Next is the CM through uni. Given your earnings it will be hard for you to argue against this BUT I do not agree with you about not having to fund gap years and there is a clear argument here for you actually dealing directly with the kids on this one and giving the money straight to them. Also be wary of wording as many on here have been accidentally stung into covering masters degrees, retake years, etc.
You should not have to take out a mortgage to cover her back, other than the existing one. Now that part really is unreasonable.
As for SM ..... she may well get it. But maybe not for life. Given the age of your kids, I would suggest a fixed term SM is more realistic. This gives her chance to retrain or look for work. As the government have announced this week that all single parents with chidlren aged 5 or over will be expected to look for work, why is your ex the exception to this?
Definitely unreasonable that she gets SM and a future share of bonuses - i really think that last part is very, very unlikely. She will get a share of those bonuses through her CM and nothing more.

As I said, its a starting point. I don''t think she would get anywhere near that in a court but it will slowly be starting to sink in that she won''t get everything which is why she is starting to negotiate. Give it a bit longer and go back with a revised offer.

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23 May 12 #332504 by sillywoman
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Dont worry, you would never be expected to live on £700 per month.

A judge will take into consideration child benefit £185 for 3 kids, tax credits about £800 for 3 kids, CSA you pay, a more or less mortgage free house and her salary.

17 and 13 can look after 6 yera old if she works hours that interfere with her not being at home.

  • somuch2know2
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23 May 12 #332508 by somuch2know2
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I gave a very reasonable offer. This take all the positives and shoves all the negatives back my way. They refused to read HR letter stating my bonus (o) and she continues to believe that the glory days of banking are still upon us.

If i take a 30/70 split- I want the cash now to pay off our joint debt and to have a deposit

If I am to wait- then I want the marital debt to come out of the pot and I want a 55/45 split her way realised after my youngest is 18, or upon her remarriage or cohabitation

All my figures are in a plug and chug spread sheet and I could not afford her proposal after fixed costs.

My favourite line was "my client should not be expected to pay for your clients extrevagent lifestyle"- WTF? She doesnt work.. i have paid for everything and she is making up costs that dont exist.

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23 May 12 #332509 by Northernboy
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Well I''m left with £400 a month to live on from my £1500 net pay a month and in my parents small box room. While she lives in the FMH with two kids I hope your right.

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