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The right thing?

  • steveng
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23 May 12 #332455 by steveng
Topic started by steveng
My wife is on the verge of moving herself and our kids into a rented house. When we first talked about separation, she wanted me to go, but for two reason, I didn''t go. Firstly, I couldn''t afford it, and secondly, due to the fact that she was the one instigating the separation and that I felt I had done nothing to warrant it, I didn''t feel that I should be the one to move.

She''s due to pick up the keys to the house tomorrow morning, but she called me from work today asking if I was sure I didn''t want to move out!

That''s just got me thinking, am I doing the right thing here? On one hand, it would be great if the kids could stay in this house, but on the other, it''s very unlikely that my wife would be able to afford to keep it on. I certainly couldn''t afford to pay the mortgage AND rent for myself and in my mind, it''s at least good that the kids can still come here (I''ll have them 2 nights a week and every other weekend). She was all gung-ho about how this was what she wanted to do and was very excited about it, and now a bit of a u-turn.

What would anyone else do in my position?



  • cookie2
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23 May 12 #332457 by cookie2
Reply from cookie2
Don''t move out.

If she wants to, then it''s up to her.

  • humdrum
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23 May 12 #332540 by humdrum
Reply from humdrum
If there is hostility and a bad atmosphere at home, someone is going to have to move out. I moved with my kids to a rented house as my ex refused to move. He was like a dog in the manger. The kids missed their home. I was under pressure to rent somewhere reasonably good so that they would feel comfortable and not miss home even more. It was tough. Really expensive and I had to scrimp and change our lives quite a lot. X would not contribute or pay for anything. I would guess it is probably too late to change your mind, but at the end of the day, if between you you cannot afford a mortgage and a rent, you may probably end up selling the house.

  • L4N
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24 May 12 #332547 by L4N
Reply from L4N
I was in the same situ,

We were living in the house at the beginning then ex started complaing that it just wasn''t working.

So she said I had too move out.
I disagreed initially as it was her that wanted the divorce.
She said if I didn''t she would move the kids to her folks house. I reckon she would as well without a 2nd thought as to how disrupting it would be for our 2 kids!

I thought about it and as I worked away every other month and that it wasn''t the kids fault we were splitting up. Why should they suffer having to move out of there home.
So I moved out but only because of the kids.
If we didn''t have kids it would have been a totally different ball game.
These issues are never easy.

If you can & still have time. I would suggest you move out for the sake of your kids.
Your ex may or may not thank you but who cares what she thinks you would be doing the right thing and it would be for your kids.


  • timetoheal
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24 May 12 #332565 by timetoheal
Reply from timetoheal
You can afford to keep the house and your wife rent but couldn''t afford your wife staying in house and you rent? The pot of money available to you all is the same. The needs of the kids come first regardless of reasons for divorce. I understand you don''t want this but your kids should have minimum impact if possible IMHO.

  • steveng
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24 May 12 #332571 by steveng
Reply from steveng
The pot of money isn''t the same either way around. As she only works a few hours a week, she will claim housing benefit, whereas I wouldn''t get that and any assistance she would get towards the mortgage would only cover interest payments. That''s how I understand it anyway.

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