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He still has key and goes through my stuff

  • Blondie32
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29 May 12 #333703 by Blondie32
Topic started by Blondie32
Hi, background is
Separated jan 2011, he wouldn''t move out, left in may 2011 according to bail conditions after being charged with assault by beating, since last year will only see the children if I allow him to stay in the house, so on a Sunday he takes the boys to the pub in the afternoon (he has a drink problem) and stays in the house that evening, whilst I go and stay at a friends.
Financially, he hasn''t contributed to the house for 3.5 year, pays no maintenance as he only works part time. He expects me to supply food for him when he stays in the house. I put 50k deposit into the house in 2006, he helped with bills till 2008 and then stopped as he was earning less. There is 80k equity in a 300k house. I can''t buy him out as the mortgage company won''t give me a mortgage on my own despite paying it on my own for so long! He wants 40k when the house sells (it''s on the market now) leaving me 40k which isn''t enough for me to buy again locally.
My Decree Absolute came through last week, I know it may not have been wise to go ahead with that before sorting the finances, but it was making me ill knowing I was still married to him.
When he stays over he goes through my stuff and sleeps in my bed although I have asked him not to do this he still does.
What I want to know is quickest way of getting him out of the house for good, but still maintaining his contact with the kids. And also what a fair settlement is, remembering he pays no maintenance but wants 40k.
Thanks

  • rubytuesday
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29 May 12 #333710 by rubytuesday
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Put a lock on your bedroom door, and make sure he can''t access your private space.

Place all personal documents etc in a safe locked place.

Is it is idea that he stays in the house after taking the children to the pub at the weekend? If so, why will only see them if he can stay in your home? It sounds rather controlling to me...

  • hadenoughnow
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29 May 12 #333714 by hadenoughnow
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Blondie

I echo what Ruth says ... although TBH I would be very reluctant to continue the arrangement you have. It is an infringement of what is now your space ... and I also would not want a man capable of assault in my house.

As far as finances go, on the face of it, a 50:50 split of the equity does not seem very likely especially if you are PWC of 2 children. He should be contributing towards them even on a p/t income. HAve you contacted the CSA?

However it is impossible to advise you without more information. We need to know:

Ages
Length of marriage (+ any cohabitation)
Incomes (inc any benefits)
Children - ages, genders and arrangements for them
FMH Market Value
FMH outstanding mortgage
Pensions CETVs if possible
Any other assets in sole or joint names inc savings - endowments, ISAs etc
Liabilities .. debts in sole or joint names.

It would also be useful to know what a suitable alternative property may cost in the area where you live.

What are his current housing arrangements?

Hadenoughnow

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29 May 12 #333730 by Blondie32
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Hi, an thanks for reply.
Ruby Tuesday, I like the lock idea. He will only have them in the house as he says he can''t take them to where he stays at his mums as she smokes. Although, he also smokes and web though he doesn''t smoke in my house, he does in the garage car and garden with the kids around. It is controlling and I have manged to shrug it off, but it''s making me feel sick now knowing he''s in there. He even used my razor in the shower (there''s no mirror do who knows what he shaved).
But legally can I tell him never to come to house again if he has name on mortgage?
Hadenoughnow thanks for post. Further details below.
I''m 37, he''s 41.
Together 15 yrs, of which 9 married and 4 or 5 cohabiting, in my first house, single mortgage.
My income 42,000
His reportedly 5,000 (although in 2008 it was 80k that was full time, now it''s part time and different job)
2 boys age 6 and 8, live with me full time, but he has them in my house on Sundays from 12 or 2pm till school drop off on Monday.
FHM value 300k, outstanding mortgage, 200k, credit card bills in my name from when he stopped working in 2008 = 16k
My pension 60k, he left his blank on form E and when asked said it was no more than 13k
No assets or savings (well both have equal value cars)
FHM is 4 bed detached in village, 3 bed semi locally would be minimum of 250k, or I could move about 4 miles from school and it''d be 200k for 3 bed semi.
He moved in with his mum in her 3 bed house about 5 miles away.
Thanks

  • cookie2
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29 May 12 #333732 by cookie2
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Blondie32 wrote:

will only see the children if I allow him to stay in the house, so on a Sunday he takes the boys to the pub in the afternoon (he has a drink problem) and stays in the house that evening, whilst I go and stay at a friends.

WTF kind of a ridiculous arrangement is that??!?!?!?!

No way should you accept this from him!!!

Say you will not be allowing him in the house any more. If he says he will not see the kids then, say "fine, that''s your decision, let me know when you change your mind".

He sounds like he is not a good parent taking them to the pub when he has a drinking problem so really is it a good idea to allow this kind of contact?

And as for being effectively kicked out of your own home WTF''s with that??!?! Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier!!!

Change the locks NOW.

  • hadenoughnow
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29 May 12 #333734 by hadenoughnow
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Blondie

Why did he stop working full time? Was this through choice or does he have some sort of disability that prevents full time work?

His reported income is 5k ... is that a PAYE job - or is he self employed/has his own ltd company?

My initial thought would be that your strict need is for a 2 bed property as is his if he is going to have the children to stay over.
This does not need to be owned. He does not have the ability to get a mortgage on his income so his option is for rented property at present.

You could get a mortgage in your own right for some 125 - 150k. Have you investigated your mortgage-ability? This is important as it will help determine how much of the assets pot you need to meet your housing needs.

I don''t think the pensions will be a factor at your ages.

He would be expected to maximise his income - unless there is a good reason why he cannot - and pay CM at a sensible rate.

The debts would appear to be a joint debt.

If your need was for 200k to rehouse, then the sums may work like this:

Equity = 100k less joint debt = 84k.

Bear in mind that if the house is sold, the costs of sale would have to be taken from the equity. This is usually 3% of market value so assume up to 9k ... leaving pot of 75k.

Say you can get maximum 125k mortgage, you need a further 75k to rehouse (or less if you can find a cheaper property that meets yours needs).

That would leave him with O. There would need to be some sort of charge (Mesher Order) against the property for his share (assume some 30% of equity to be paid when youngest is 18, on remarriage etc).

However if you could get a bigger mortgage of say 150k, then you would need 50k (or less) to rehouse. This would leave him with 25k which is a 66:34 split of equity in your favour. If he was to resume working full time at a sensible salary, he would be able to get a mortgage and buy a 2 bed property.

At 5% on a repayment basis over 25 years www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/mortgageshom...I-afford-borrow.html
this would put your repayments at the upper end of the 1/3 of income affordability criteria that is frequently applied.

There may be a middle ground here depending on property prices, rental rates etc.

I certainly think he would need to walk away with at least enough for a rental deposit and say 3-6 months rent even if there was a Mesher Order.

Re privacy etc. AFAIK from reading other posts on the subject, there is something in the Human Rights Act that protects your right to privacy ...

Hadenoughnow

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29 May 12 #333750 by Blondie32
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Hi, thanks for reply,
He stopped working as he wanted to take a break as had enough money to last three months. But he never found / accepted a job after that. I never agreed to him not working and encouraged but to no avail.

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