STBX Left The Marital Home

I don''t know if this is the right section to put this in but I hope you can help.

My STBX left the marital home 4 weeks ago with our 11 year old son. Since then I have had minimal contact with my son but the ex promises to bring him to the marital home on Wednesday.

She left without any cause and left her keys. After a few weeks of virtual silence, during which she told me I treated her like a servant and that she couldn''t talk to me, she has started texting me to say that I physically assaulted her some 13 years ago and have verbally abused her (both not true). She has also indicated that she is going to divorce me.

My question is this;

We are both named on the mortgage. I assume she has right of residence? I have changed the locks for ''security'' as I don''t know where all the keys are but think I need to give her a key if she asks for it? Is there anything else I should do or could to in preventing her from returning to our FMH? In particular, I don''t want her to make allegations of assault after coming back if I have to let her back in and certainly don''t want her bringing back any other man.

As a bit of additional background, it now looks very likely that she''s been having an affair for 18 months, including a staged ''run away'' for four days over New Years 2010/11. Last year she contracted an STD (genital warts). At the time I hadn''t realised it was an STD so being the loyal/faithful husband I just took her word for it.

I cannot believe I have been such a chump!

First the easy one if she brings another man then you can simply deny him entry.

If she is saying that she is afraid of you physically then it does not make sense for her to (try to) move back in.....

Her right of access gets a bit more complicated. Yes she has right to access and indeed to live in the marital home. However you also have a right to privacy. If you simply said "no" to giving her the keys, then her options would be to break in, or to gain access via the court. Court is not cost effective or timely for these things, so she would either force entry while you''re out, or not.

Forced entry is also a very grey area I''m afraid: IF she could get in WITHOUT DAMAGING ANYTHING whilst you were out the Police would not be interested IMO.

If she appears on your doorstep and you don''t want to let her in then call the Police: they have no interest in civil matters but WOULD be interested in preventing a possible breach of the peace.

I''m talking from personal experience here: I have not been able to gain access to my house for 10 months....

It would be different if she had been away for longer but after just four weeks I''m not sure it be can claimed it is no longer her home so you would have the same rights to live there and privacy. If the matter can''t be resolved one or other of you can apply for an occupation order to resolve the issue.

When making an occupation order there are several factors a court considers including the behaviour of the parties towards one another, the availability of alternative accommodation or the resources available to pay for other accommodation and the health and welfare of any children.

I have no desire to cause you concern but it is feasible that a court makes an order for a parent with the majority of care to return to the house and the other parent leave. Therefore depending on the her accommodation, financial circumstances etc allowing her back could be the lesser of the evils.

More importantly if your wife brings your son to you at all costs you must avoid him witnessing unpleasantness or outbursts of temper. Otherwise he may become apprehensive and resist future contact.

Thanks everyone.

She has today played the, "No you can''t see your son" card even though I was expecting to see him on Wednesday.

I hope the universe sorts itself out and she suffers as much as she is making everyone else suffer.

Personally Mark I would take the initiative and file for divorce immediately: if she gets in first then she will put the alleged assault as one of her reasons for divorce and everyone on here will confirm that it is so expensive if you wish to contest the reasons.

It sounds like its going to get nasty so if I was you I would take the initiative rather than waiting to see what she does first.

Have you any idea where (and with whom) she is living?

Hi,

I have no idea where she is, who she is with or what she is doing.

I am finding that there is a level of evil in the world that I was simply not exposed to previously.

Good idea to take the initiative.