If I move out?

Hi,
I''m hoping somebody can offer some practical advice here.
Thanks in advance if you can.

I''m preparing to leave my husband after a long marriage.
We own our house with a fairly small amount outstanding on the mortgage (joint).
Our kids are adults and off hand, so no dependents.

If I move out and stop contributing towards the mortgage, he won''t be able to afford it on his own.
But he is not going to want to move out and sell. He will fight for as long as he can I''m sure.

So what options do I have?
If I don''t contribute, we will end up defaulting on the mortgage. I guess the bank will then sell the house for a pittance and we''ll both lose out financially and wreck our credit ratings.

If I do contribute to the mortgage, he gets to sit pretty for longer and I''ll have to make do with renting something much less pleasant to be able to afford the extra outgoing.

Has anybody been in this scenario?
Is there another option?
What is the law around this?

Any useful info/advice would be very much appreciated.
Thanks ...Suze

Hi, Suze. It doesn''t sound as though your stbx knows what your intentions are. Are you certain he won''t move out when he realises he won''t be able to pay the mortgage if he does stay by himself?

Can you afford the mortgage by yourself if he does move out?

Either way you''ll both be entitled to a share of the equity in the property. Could you afford to buy him out maybe?

jaw

I think you seriously need to reconsider moving out before a Consent Order is sorted. It will invariably affect any settlement if your housing needs are met and with no dependant children. Have you spoken to a solicitor? has your husband any idea this is coming?

Hi Jaw,
No, we''ve not had the conversation yet. We''ve got a family holiday booked in Sept and I don''t want to spoil it as it''s the only one my daughter and her family have had or will get for a long while.
It''s very very stressful with all this on my mind, but I''ll get through it

I could just manage the mortgage on my own, but I''m sure he will absolutely refuse to move out. He will be hurt angry and frightened.

It''s hard because he''s done nothing wrong ...I just don''t love him. I''ve lived the lie for everybody else''s benefit for so long now and I have to stop ...for me.

We neither could afford to buy the other out. The house and pensions are our only real assets.

Hi For Real

I''ve got a free telephone call for some starter advice today ...booked through this site

A consent order sounds like it would take a while ...the idea of having to come home to him every night while it''s being negotiated sounds unbearable to be honest.

Moving out will only delay the inevitable and at some point you will need to sort/separate your finances.

Is there a possibility that your stbx might feel the same as you? Is it possible to live with someone who ''pretends'' to love you and not pick up on anything..?

jaw

Jaw,
I agree, he must realise.
I''ve tried to leave before when the children were younger but he went instantly to pieces and started to drag them in to it to make me stay ..rightly or wrongly I gave in.

He is by nature somebody who fears change.
I think thats at the bottom of why he clings on to me still.