Is this an option?

I have had estate agents in to value the house this week and there is not as much equity in the property as I thought, about £30k. I don''t want to stay in this house long term, I''d like to be closer to my parents and better schools for the children.

At the moment, I do not work and haven''t done for the last 5 years of our marriage having given up my career to have our children. Stbx earns over £50k.

Would it be possible as there is not enough equity in the property for me to move and port the current mortgage? Obviously I have to get stbx to agree but I assume he has an obligation to help keep a roof over the childrens heads.

I am waiting to see if he will mediate over the finances but can see it getting messy as he expects me to just manage on the CSA money and benefits long term.

If he does not agree to port the mortgage, where will I stand if I have to move out of the area totally (am in the South East atm) to be able to afford housing? We have 2 children aged 4 and 3 that he sees every other Sunday. Due to his shift patterns and the fact he is sharing a one bed flat with OW he does not have or want overnight contact with the children. They were part of the perceived problem that forced him to have an affair with the OW ( a friend of mine!) yeah right.

Trying to get things straight in my head so that I can have a plan. Just feeling that if I have a plan I can start feeling stronger about my future with the children.

A few questions - has your ex agreed to the house sale? Where do your parents live? Will the equity allow you to buy a suitable sized home near them? And will regular contact be possible once you have moved?
This will make things a bit clearer for answering

Hi

I had to have valuations done for mediation, he knows I want to move. It was our intention to sell and move somewhere with better schools and cheaper housing when we were together so he knows this is still what I want to do.

My parents live about 5 miles away from where I am at the moment but the schools are so much better in their area than mine.

The equity will not buy anywhere near what I would need. In my area I am looking at £200k+ for a 3 bed house (children are different sexes)

He can still have the contact he is having now with the children without a problem.

If I have to move totally out of the area then I would make every effort for the kids to maintain a relationship with him.

Also don''t forget the costs of buying and selling a home, the £30k could be reduced dramatically once these are factored in

Thank You Maisy, I''m just at a bit of a loss as to what to do.

My gran died in June and my parents have offered some of the money that she left them to help buy the house but I am very wary of taking their money if the stbx could claim some of it in the future.

fallingapart wrote:

I assume he has an obligation to help keep a roof over the childrens heads.

Yes, but that obligation does not stretch to buying you a new house to be closer to your parents, a better area, etc. There is currently a roof over their heads.

If he does not agree to port the mortgage, where will I stand if I have to move out of the area

Why would you HAVE TO move out of the area? Having to is not the same as choosing to, or wanting to.


You ar right to be wary of receiving some of your gran''s inheritance. If I were you I would tie up the finances of your marriage before receiving any sums of money. You will get a better outcome. After your divorce is all done then you can receive gifts safely.

But if I am closer to my parents, they can help me with childcare a bit more so I can go back to work to maybe support us.

Just because he has left for some tart why should my dreams for my childrens future, that only a year ago were shared dreams, go up in smoke.

Do I just sit back on benefits being unable to work because I have to sort the kids out and cannot afford childcare for them for the rest of my life and leave my kids in a failing school?

I will have to move out of the area to a cheaper one to be able to afford to keep us. Stbx has already stopped paying his half of the mortgage and I am struggling with it alone already. What am I supposed to do? I''m all out of ideas and getting pretty desperate.